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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  November 1, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EDT

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captioning sponsored by cbs >> this fall, from the network that brought you "c.s.i., ""n.c.i.s." and "criminal minds" comes the newest most excing the story of a rogue f.b.i. director, his crack e-mail squad, and a crap load of e-mails. discovered 11 days before the election, loose cannon james comey has to read 650,000 e-mails on huma abedin's lapstop, e-mails hillary clinton thought she could hide. but this fall-- >> comey don't play that. >> no e-mail will go unread is
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medication. mark as red. college alumni mailing list, mark add read. we have a live one here! subject line, "shiauthorize the murder of antonin scalia?" oh, my god. false alarm. it's an e-mail from fresh direct. 10% off. that's pretty good. >> "f.b.i.: e-mail reader's units," coming this fall from cbs. i mean, he our time, right? >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, stephen welcomes mel gibson. luke bracey. and musical guests, tegan and sara. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert!
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>> stephen: hey, everybody! >> stephen: thanks, everybody. hey, what's up, jon? good to see you. have a good one. hey, everybody. what's up, mark? what's up, chris? what's up, paul. hey! lc thanks so much for being here. thanks, everybody, please, have a seat. you're too kind. thanks, everybody. welcome to the "late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. well, ladies and gentlemen, mark one's calendar because election is but one week away. seven days. time enough to tell your family you love them and make your peace with god. as the captain of the "titanic" once said, "this is not a drill." ( laughter ) of course, we're also one week
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come for the political jokes. stay for the full-frontal nudity. ( cheers and applause ) and-- and-- you can sit down. you can sit down. and the polls are tightening. the latest abc news/"washington post--" let's say sunglass hut poll-- has donald trump moving ahead of clinton by one enthusiasm declines. though, to be fair, any time trump gets close to a woman, enthusiasm tends to decline. ( cheers and applause ) now, the poll found-- the poll found that only 45% of clinton voters have strong enthusiasm for hillary. now, i get it. she's like eating your vegetables: nobody wants to eat broccoli, but i think we can all agree a head of broccoli would
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( cheers and applause ) and-- good for you. cheese sauce, something like that. and it's been a good week for donald trump. his poll numbers are up, hillary's email scandal is relevant again, and he just got his second newspaper endorsement. is it the "journal?" is it the "post?" no, it's the "crusader: the political voice of white christian america!" yes, trump was endorsed by ku klux klan newspaper. we finally answer the question: "what's white and white and white all over?" ( laughter ) ( applause ) and i don't know about you-- i don't know about you-- ( applause ) but when i first heard this, i was like, "what took you so long?" was the klan on the fence? "i don't know, maybe jill stein, maybe jefferson davis." not sure who we're going to
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and trump's not the only one racking up the endorsements. for the first time in their 111-year history, "variety" has endorsed a presidential candidate-- hillary clinton. ( cheers and applause ) that's right. that's right, the magazine named "variety" said, "let's have a second president clinton!" i'll let that one sink in. and the tightening polls don't seem to worry hillary clinton. her election night explosion of fireworks or the hudson river. wow, she hasn't even won and she's planning her celebration. i hope the big finale is when they spell out the word "hubris." i hear-- i hear-- very nice. very pretty. very pretty. i hear they even planned the menu for the victory celebration. they're having chicken. well, right now, they're just
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but not all the news for democrats is good. democratic contributor donna brazile has resigned from cnn after wikileaks revealed she leaked a primary debate question to the clinton campaign. according to wikileaks, brazile sent an email to clinton campaign chair john podesta with the subject line, "one of the questions directed to h.r.c. tomorrow is from a woman with a rash." now, no name was assume they said, "just look for the woman wearing a t-shirt that says 'i'm with herpes'." turns out the question was about lead poisoning in flint, michigan. so, finally, someone lost their job over flint. now, that may have been an email that hillary didn't want you to
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see, because he apparently wrote a "50 shades of grey"-type novel about "the graphic sex lives of those living and working in trump tower, such as an employee having sex on the set of 'celebrity apprentice'." oh, it's the perfect steamy read for anyone who's ever wanted to read about gary busey in a three-way with meatloaf and melissa rivers. the book-- could be nice. it could be nice. the book was released in 2012 and is called "trump tower," which is definitely an improvement on the original title, "symbolic penis". ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> jon: wow, man! >> stephen: yeah. what was that? what was that? now, this novel contains a lot of b.d.s.m., with one critic writing, "the red room of pain in 'fifty shades of grey' would fit right into trump tower." no surprise, given the pain in
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thank you very much. thank you. >> jon: hey, hey, hey! >> stephen: remember, our safe word is "november 8." these are actual passages from the book. just check out some of stuff in the book, "after the woman fell asleep, mikey came out, looked around and saw there were at least six women not wearing tops. he proclaimed, "i'm dead. i've gone to boob heaven." yes, "boob heaven." evidently, donald trump started writing this novel in fourth grade. but for some reason, trump pulled his name from the book right before it was published. and i don't know why. a lot of presidents published erotica, like abraham lincoln's "the tail splitter." f.d.r.'s "i'm banging my cousin, eleanor." ( laughter ) thomas jefferson's "life, liberty, and the pursuit of slave boob." and, of course, bill clinton's erotica classic, "my life."
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we've got a great show for you tonight! mel gibson is here. he's got a big beard. stick around. ? ? ? ( applause ) simulation initiated. ? [beeping] take on any galaxy with a car that could stop for you. simulation complete. the new nissan rogue. rogue one: a star wars story. in theaters december 16th. this is pepsi zero sugar. zero sugar. (ooooh) zero calories. (ooooo) but max pepsi taste. (wow)
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? ? ? ( applause ) >> stephen: welcome b jon batiste and stay human, please. ( cheers and applause ) best band on television. thank you, jon. you know, i sit at this desk every night-- you know it, you know it-- and i make a lot of jokes-- ha-ha. ut you'd be amazed how much is going on in here. mostly, the song "raspberry beret" on repeat. that sucker is hard to shake.
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about deep stuff, like the universe and my place in it. so, occasionally, i like to take some time and contemplate these mysteries of existence with my fellow celebrities in a segment i call-- "raspberry beret." nope! that's not it. sorry, i told you, it's a brain worm. it's a segment i like to call "big questions with even bigger stars." ( applause ) ? ? ? ah, what a glorious night. >> yeah, sure sstephen. >> stephen: hel, you like to am up here and think, too? >> yup. yup, i'll lay up here for hours just listening to the wind rustling through my beard.
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>> stephen: yeah, mel? >> how many stars are there in the school. >> stephen: oh, god, like, 30? i don't know. >> yeah. >> stephen: hey, mel? >> yeah? >> stephen: is "mel" short for melvin? >> no, no, it's not. it's long for "mmmm." ( laughter ) >> stephen: pret name. oh, shooting star! look at that. >> stephen: >> if you could say anything to your great-great-grandmother, what would it be? >> stephen: shouldn't you be dead by now? hey, mel-mels? >> yeah. >> stephen: when you look back on your life, do you think you'll have any regrets? >> no. ( laughter ) not one. >> stephen: really?
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they tend to come in clusters. ( laughter ) hey, stephen? >> stephen: yeah, mel? >> what's the scariest movie you've ever seen? >> stephen: oh, that one where that psychopath traps two people in his house and tortures them. >> yeah, "home alone" is pretty scary. ( laughter ) >> stephen: hey, mel, do you think it's better to love or to be loved? >> well, i guess it depends on ( laughter ) he were he were stephen, if you could only bring one, just one book to a desert island, which one would it be? >> stephen: one book? >> one. >> stephen: probably "how to build a boat out of sand."
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question? >> sure. >> stephen: if you could go back in time, what would you tell your younger self? >> don't be so caught up in the little things. take advantage of all the gifts the world has to offer, and live every day to the fullest. and i'd also tell myself, my younger self, to shut the ( bleep ) up. stephen. >> stephen: yeah, mel, what's up? >> if you could go back in time and meet one famous would it be? >> stephen: it would probably be young mel gibson. >> you know, 35 years ago, before i got this road kill on my face, did you know i was the sexiest man alive? >> stephen: yeah, that's what i heard. i'd want to go back and see if the legends were true, yeah, yeah. think mcconaughey's sexy by the way? >> he's a seven out of 10. ( laughter ). >> stephen: who would you go
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>> probably jesus. >> stephen: oh, of course, you'd probably want to know if he liked "the passion of the christ." >> no, i'd want to know which "lethal weapon" movie was his favorite. >> stephen: probably two, joe pesci. >> i'm saying three. >> stephen: really, no, pesci is the really the breakout star of that movie, i think. hey, mel, do you think free will ts >> yes, that's what it says on the teleprompter. >> stephen: we have to go to commercial. we'll be right back with mel gibson and his beard. ( cheers and applause )
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learn more at hillary clinton: i'm hillary clinton and i approve this message. vo: in times of crisis america depends on steady
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rals do, believe me." vo: and calm judgment. donald trump: "and you can tell them to go fu_k themselves." vo: because all it takes is one wrong move. donald trump audio only: "i would bomb the sh_t out of
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? ? ? ( applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. that's the hardest working band in show business, working extra hard tonight. thanks, jon. always got my back. all right. welcome back, everybody. my first guest tonight is an academy award-winning director and one of the most famous movie stars in the world. he's returned to directing after ten years with the new film "hacksaw ridge." ladies and gentleman, please welcome mel gibson! ( cheers and applause ) ? ? ? >> stephen: good to see you. >> yeah. >> stephen:ed any to see you. >> yeah. >> stephen: mel gibson. >> absolutely. >> stephen: on my show. >> in the flesh. >> stephen: yeah, i'm a big, longtime fan of yours. >> why, thank you. >> stephen: but, obviously,
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have to deal with the elephant in the room. when you talk about mel gibson, you know, there's one thing you think about, and that's your beard. ( laughter ) what is the deal? why do you have that beard? and are we anything to braid it later and put a bead on the end? why do you have a beard right now? >> i like people playing with my-- well, it was halloween. it was a full moon. i was in the attic and chewed through my constraints and i only had it's for a film part, i'm doing "the professor and the mad men." >> stephen: based on the book. >> yeah. >> stephen: with sean penn. >> yes. >> stephen: who is the mad man? am i am a little jealous of your beard because this is the best i can could do. this is the best i could do. >> that's excellent. that's a nice color. >> stephen: thanks very much, yeah, thanks very much. >> it's wisdom. >> stephen: i'm gray from the
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we met backstage for the first time, so how are you doing? ( laughter ) you-- you-- you had some rough patches over the last 10 years. >> yeah. rough patch. >> stephen: uh-huh. and how was that? >> eh, not my proudest moment. not my proudest moment, stephen. but 10 years having by. i worked on myself, and i'm happier and healthier than a long time and i'm fortunate. >> stephen: how are you fortunate? >> i get to do what i love to i'm grateful. i get to tell stories. >> stephen: you're a catholic and i'm a catholic. and one one of the tenet of the faith i was taught is suffering is a good thing. honest to god. do you think there's any value to the suffer ago because you went through some suffering over the last 10 years, i imagine, sort of being a pariah in some circles for what you did. is there any value? did you learn anything from that? and did you become a better man in any way? >> gravel rash suffering.
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after it's all done, right? >> stephen: i don't know what that means. ( laughter ) that must be-- that must be australian catholicism. what is less time in the meat rack mean? >> meat rack, in another realm. >> stephen: like purgatory. >> yeah, that's it. >> stephen: temporary suffering before we have the presence of god. >> temp poral punishment before the main course. >> stephen: was there a moment when you said,"i'm going to get through this?" >> yeah. >> stephen: what was that moment this is going to be okay. i'm going to-- people are going to accept the apology and we're going to move forward." >> just when i apologized, i think. and, you know, of course, you take a hiding, and that's okay. >> stephen: you say you took to hiding. >> no you take a hiding. >> stephen: oh, you tack a hiding. >> a beating. you take the shots. you try not to yell too much. you be manful about it. you don't react too much. but it's interesting.
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be defined with a label after having a nervous breakdown in the back of a police car after double tekeel as. that's what it is. this is not-- that moment shouldn't define the rest of my life. >> stephen: no, i don't believe any person-- no person-- ( applause ) >> yeah. >> stephen: no person is their worst moment. >> no. >> stephen: yeah or else i'm in huge trouble. >> well, absolutely. and, you know, the other thing, ever-- you know, that ever supports that label they put on me. so it's just not who i am. >> stephen: do you ever look at donald trump and say, "how come i had to apologize and he might be president?" ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) well, now, now, you know, i'm reading articles all over the place. hollywood is re-embracing mel
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"hacksaw ridge" got a 10-minute ovation-- >> it was nine minutes and 45 second s. >> stephen: did you stopwatch it? >> absolutely. >> stephen: it has gotten 100% on rotten tomatoes right now. people are loving this film. it's a deeply moving, film about desmond dawz, a conscientious objector who just won't pick up a gun but is willing to serve his country. what was it about this story that appealed to you? >> w it's about time someone told a story. a real-life superhero, one that doesn't wear spandex. >> stephen: you did that once before with jesus. >> that's true. >> stephen: no spandex on jesus. >> i think i did it on stage. >> stephen: "jesus christ superstar?" >> that was it. >> stephen: i don't know if there's any spanned oakes that. there are a lot of high notes. he's a real superstar.
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did, you know, amazing things. he was an ordinary man doing extraordinary things and in extremely difficult circumstances. and that's in the hell of war, in combat. and i don't see it as a war film although of although it's kind of graphic because i want to show -- >> it's very graphic. >> i want to show what our veterans go through from back in the day to right today. they go through a lot for us and they take a beating and i want the audience to empathize with that and put the audience in the foxol crawls into that, and while other men are reduced animals he is crawling out of their without a weapon and saving his buddy s. >> stephen: he saved 75 men in okinawa. >> and with bullet flying around his ear and he put his line on e on the line for everybody else and that's the definition of ultimate love. if he was around today, i would want him to be president. >> stephen: i'm sorry, what
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would want him to be president. >> stephen: neither of the people running for president have any military service. that's interesting. it used to be something we expected of someone running for the highest office in the land because theatre commander in chief at the end of it. >> yeah, i guess so. >> stephen: you say it's a love story, and you say it's not to glorify war. do you think there's any worry, no matter how you tell the story of war, that just-- it being a movie galorifies it in some way? because what the camera points at makes it beautiful in some ways. to-- how to make it look good on screen, and you can't help but glorify it because it becomes entertainment. >> sure, i guess you want it to be cinematically compelling but at the same time if you just tapose who that man is and his faith, i think having it be like that sort of highlights the higher nature of the film. so it's, you know, for me it needed to be that way. that's how i tell story s. >> stephen: 75 men. all the things depicted in the
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i couldn't put in the film because no one would believe it. >> stephen: what do you mean? >> he did actually step on a grenade to save his buddies and he sook shrapnel, and saw a guy was to wounded, put that guy on the stretcher and said take him first, and crawled back 300 yards and got shot full of holes by snipers. it's hard to believe the amount-- and he was in the philippines before then, and he was already doing what he d and medal of honor recipients-- and he won one-- generally, they'll do something in a moment, but this man very consciously did what he did over and over and over. >> stephen: and he's want only conscientious objector to receive the medal of honor? >> well, he was the first. there have been others who he inspired that have since done the same thing. >> stephen: well, we're going to take little break. we'll be back with more mel gibson. stick around.
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? ? ? ( applause ) >> stephen: we're back with broadway dancer mel gibson. for the younglings out there who do not realize who the biblical prophet sitting next to me is. brave heart, mad max, dpa liply, rangsom, what women want, signs. my favorite "year of living dangerously." incredible. ( applause ) but "mad max" is the real beginning for you, right? >> sure. >> stephen: how did that job come about? how did you get that gig? >> i was in a pub fight way rugby team, and you're fighting with, like, three guys and they beat the hell out of. >> stephen: honest to god? >> i got into awe fist fight, and i ended up the worse for wear. i drove a buddy of mine to an
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saw me in the office and they said, "you're a freak. we might need a freak. and they pook polaroids of me and put me on the board and said come back in three weeks when you heal up. i came back and they said, "yes?" i said, "i'm here." they said, "who are you?" i said i'm that guy on the world?" and i went in and told a expwroak i got the job just like that. >> stephen: you probably smoke e more in that whole audition than the whole m >> stephen: what did you think of the new "mad max" movie. >> it was great. i sart next to george and tom hardy when we watched it in l.a., great edit. >> stephen: your film's pretty good, too. i'm not saying it's better than your film. i'm saying this film they took what the trailer is and just made it two hours long long. ( laughter ) you have another film coming up, i hear, but you probably haven't started yet, called "the resurrection." it's a sequel to "the passion of the christ." is that true? >> it's probably about three
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subject. >> stephen: yeah, yeah, i read the book. ( laughter ) i know how it ends. i know how it ends. >> you know how it begins. >> stephen: how do you tell the story of the the resurrection, because it's-- there's not as much-- and i don't mean this to say this in a flippant way-- but there isn't action. every good friday we act out the passion. you know the story. you know the parts. you know, you're waiting for, you know, various people to come on. but how do you tell the story of the resurrection? it's a single event, and then a upper room? >> it's more than a single event. it's an amazing event. and towrnd pin that with the things that are around it is really the story to sort of enlighten what that means. and it's not just about the event-- it's not some kind of chronological telling of just that event. that could be boring, and you think, well, we read that. >> stephen: i don't know if it would be boring. god becomes man and rises from the dead. never going to be a snoozer. >> no, no. ( laughter ) but it's predictable in that,
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and this happens and this happens ask this happens. but what are the, things tarnd that happen? >> stephen: who's the bad guy? is it thomas who doubts that christ has risen? >> no. >> stephen: no bad guys? >> well, there are. >> stephen: yeah? >> they're in another realm. >> stephen: oh! another realm. >> sure. you're going all over the place. what happened in three days? >> stephen: oh, he descended into hell. rose from the dead. yeah. exactly. tore the gates off their iron wow, so you would actually do a little inferno-- >> i'm not sure but it's worth thinking about, isn't it? get your imagination going. >> stephen: sure, i never thought of that. there's a lot of action happening off screen in the bible of jesus descending into the dead. >> sure, there's a lot happening around us right now. >> stephen: you think there are-- >> sure, i see a little white guy on this shoulder and a guy with a pitchfork on this shoulder and they're talking into your ear s. >> stephen: what do you think they're saying for me?
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things difficult for mel." >> stephen: that's what the devil is saying. >> and the good guy is saying, "be nice." >> stephen: the angel is saying, "don't forget you have a commercial break coming up. luke bracey, one of the stars of your movie, is going to join us when we get back. will you stick around? we'll be right back with luke bracey. stick around, everybody. you should retire that, too. ... i know. new pcs are lightning fast to play 4k video. and yet here is the world's fastest swimmer on the world's slowest computer. you know about it, now do something about it. upgrade to a new pc. powered by intel?. ? intel mnemonic ? so, why haven't you upgraded?
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>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my next guest can now be seen in mel's new movie, "hacksaw ridge." please welcome luke bracey. ? ? ? ( applause ) >> stephen: all right, welcome to the show. >> thanks for having me. >> stephen: another he was raise raised in australi. andrew garfield is british. you're all playing americans. you understand donald trump has a point, right? you're coming to take our jobs and he's going to build a wall on the great barrier reef and make australia pay for it. >> i don't know if we have enough money. >> stephen: what part do you play? >> smitty riker from brooklyn. he's a bit of a tough guy,
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>> stephen: won't even touch a gun. >> no, won't touch a gun. and he's a very interesting guy. and i just don't think anyone really believes he is actually who he says he is. he does amazing stuff, and he's got this amazing way of being, this amazing character. and so eventually, i kind of get to know him a bit better through everything he does. we run into each other on the battle field, and we have some really beautiful moments in the fox hole. >> stephen: we have a clip here that i believe is during the battle of hacksaw you have already seen action and you are stuck in a fox hole together and you come to a realization about what he's doing for other members of the troop. >> after what we've just been through, any sane man would be screaming for a weapon. >> i never claimed to be sane. my daddy's a drunk. he fought it for years, but it kind of got a hold of him hard,
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mine could be any one of 10 guys. >> your momma raised you. >> she gave me to an orphanage when i was five. never saw her again. i learned how to hate quick. how to judge people quicker, and i got you very wrong. ( applause ) ( cheers ) >> stephen: that's a particularly significant moment in the movie because you're the y, >> stephen: up until this point. >> yeah, i'm kind of the counter-weight to desmond in a way. >> stephen: you actually beat a man with a bible. >> i-- i take his bible and maybe beat him with the back of my hand. >> stephen: you beat a man with a bible in this movie. ( laughter ) was it a stunt bible or was it an actual bible? >> no, that bible did all its own stunts. >> stephen: really, that's very nice. what's it like to be directed by this guy? >> it's one of the most enjoyable experiences i've ever had. and if he wasn't sitting here
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direct you? how does he direct you? does he just say, "do it like i would have done it." >> no, there's a bit in between that. sometimes he comes up between takes and you think he's going to give you a point and he tells you a joke or something like that. sometimes you come to work and you sit up there like, just be steve mcqueen. oh, okay. i think -- >> "be steve mcqueen?" >> does he think i can do that? maybe-- maybe i can. all right, let me go try. yeah, he confidence in a way and he's got a lot of trust. he's very collaborative in that way. he's just a fun guy to be around as well. >> stephen: do you give advice to these guys off the stage, like how to be a star? >> no. >> stephen: that's a hard part of the job. >> none of that stuff. i say you're crazy what you get yourself into. you can't put the toothpaste back into the tube. go away, be a cook, be a chef. be a photojournalist. >> stephen: is that what you wanted to be? >> yeah. >> stephen: a chef or
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now, i understand doing this-- you shot this in stral, right? >> yeah. >> stephen: and your dad was on the set a lot. >> he came for two days, yeah. he came for a couple of important scenes. mom and dad have come to set a couple of times on a couple of films i've done. he's going to be coferl set, dad, knows exactly where the coffee and treats are gr. >> stephen: but he got work out of this, right? i understand he actually got a beer commercial. >> that's actually-- it's actually my really good friends, they make a they started their own beer company. and this one beer called an australian ale, and my dad is pretty stereotypeically australian. he swims out beach every single morning a mile and sits on the beach with his newspaper in his swimming costumes. and my friends go, "we have this idea for an ad and we just can't think of anyone else but your old man. would he mind doing is itt?" i said, "yeah, i think he'd be a bit too happy to do it."
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in. we have the beer commercial right here. >> here' give me a beer, son? none of this. give me a norman. >> a norman, what a refreshing change of pace. >> stephen: now that he's been on tv, does he give you any tips on how to act? >> it was funny, after he finished that day and it was just basically the beach drinking beers with my mates, he said, "this is pretty easy. i could do this." "thanks, dad, i think it's kind of hard. >> stephen: i learned desmond dawz lived to 2006. >> he was 87 years old. >> stephen: did any of you get to meet the men who fought on hacksaw ridge. >> we were in new orleans, and we were screening the movie in the world war ii museum and we were lucky enough to meet this
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happened to be draw brees' grandfather. and he fought and after the film we hay small reception and these guys were getting out of their chairs ready to go. and ray comes up and says, "i was a mean son of a gun back in the day. you want to play mercy?" and i was like okay. he started playing mercy with me and almost broke my hands you. >> stephen: played mercy with a 91-year-old man? >> he played with me. this guy was atks him? >> this guy was beating me. he was 92 years old. he told me how he used to be able to rip people's throats out. he had his hand around my neck, just rip it out from the adam's apple. >> i was standing right there. no kidding. he was in a wheelchair, and he said, "let me out of this chair." i said, "you're an impostor." and he went for him like this. it was funny. >> stephen: greatest generation. >> this guy, he came in, he wept, he was very moved by it. is had it was over, heave like--
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and he told us himself it was cathartic but therapeutic. >> he told us that's what it was like out there. it's a harrowing film so to hear from someone who was there to say what it was like. >> he said, "you got it right." >> stephen: thank you so much for being here. luke, lovely to meet you. mel, nice to meet you, too. thank you very much for being here. "hacksaw ridge" opens this friday. everybody! we'll be right back with a performance by tegan and sara. stick around. plastic surgery duck! uh huh! you are a backwards duck. instead of quack, he says- no, kcauq. kcauq. kcauqqq. kcauuuu. ? ? pringles! i'm hillary clinton and i approve this message. i could stand in the middle of 5th avenue and shoot somebody and i wouldn't lose any voters, okay?
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blood coming out of her wherever. you gotta see this, i don't know, i don't remember. he's going like 'i don't remember.' constipated? trust number one doctor recommended dulcolax use dulcolax tablets for gentle overnight relief suppositories for relief in minutes and stool softeners for comfortable relief dulcolax, designed for dependable relief it's your tv, take it with you. with directv and at&t, watch all your live channels, on your devices, data-free. switch to directv and lock in your price for 2 years. offers starting at $50/month. what's it gonna be? an oven-baked digiorno? or waiting for delivery? did you have that beard when we ordered? a hot, fresh-baked crust? or?
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it's not delivery. it's digiorno. discover card. i'm not a customer, but i'm calling about that credit scorecard. give it. sure! it's free for everyone. oh! well that's nice! and checking your score won't hurt your credit. oh! i'm so proud of you. well thank you. free at at, even if you're not a customer. putting a wife to work is a very dangerous thing. when i come home and dinner's not ready i go through the roof. grab 'em by the p****". when you're a star, they let you do it.
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yes.. and everyone's getting dressed. donald trump walked into the dressing room while contestants, some as young as 15 were changing. standing there with no clothes. you see these incredible looking women. i'd look her right in that fat ugly face of hers. she ate like a pig. a person who's flat-chested is very hard to be a 10. do you treat women with respect? uh... i can't say that either. alright, good. >> stephen: and now performing, "stop desire" please welcome tegan and sara! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) ? ? ? ? i keep denying begging for attention
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hoping for some tension ? getting tired of making all this racket ? waiting on you to get your ass in gear ? i didn't want to be so invested ? i played it cool and then i overdressed it ? you were there i was tired of this ? nonsense when you pretend you don't ? get me, feel me, want me like me, love me, need me ? tonight you're fuel for my fire ? you can't stop desire oh oh oh-oh-oh ? stop desire oh oh oh-oh-oh ? i tried but you're fuel to my fire ? you can't stop desire oh oh oh-oh-oh ? stop desire
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? in a minute i'll be hoping that you're outside ? another second you'll be walking on my wild side ? you know i'm ready for anything to happen ? take this passion turn it into action ? get me, feel me, want me like me, love me, need me ? tonight re ? you can't stop desire oh oh oh-oh-oh ? stop desire oh oh oh-oh-oh ? i tried but you're fuel to my fire ? you can't stop desire oh oh oh-oh-oh ? stop desire oh oh oh-oh-oh ? right where i want you back against the wall ? trust when i promise never let you fall ? right where i want you
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i'll never let you fall ? tonight you're fuel for my fire ? you can't stop desire oh oh oh-oh-oh ? stop desire oh oh oh-oh-oh ? i tried but you're fuel to my fire ? you can't stop desire oh oh oh-oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh ? tonight you're fuel for my fire ? you can't stop desire oh oh oh-oh-oh ? stop desire oh oh oh-oh-oh ? ?
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>> stephen: their album, "love you to death" is available now! tegan and sara, everybody!
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>> stephen: well, that's it for the "late show," everybody! tune in tomorrow when my guests will be michael strahan, nick kroll, and musical guest aaron lewis. now stick around for james corden and his guests, zooey deschanel and mark consuelos.
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captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh ? ? ?
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? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? are you ready to have some fun ? feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ? where you come from it's gonna be all right


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