tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS June 28, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EDT
>> stephen: hi, i'm stephen colbert. and welcome to late show legend testers. tonight we're going to prove that you can drop an ordinary penny off of a new york skyscraper and it won't hurt anyone. >> good day, ma'am. >> ooo! >> tonight, stephen welcomes tom brokaw. sara and erin foster. and a musical performance by bibi bourelly. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time for "thee
there's a thing called the euro cup soccer tournament. it's a huge sommer tawrmt. it's happening right now in france. and yesterday, iceland, the tiniest nation in the tournament, beat powerhouse england 2-1. ( cheers and applause ) this is the worst thing to happen to england in four days. ( cheers and applause ) now-. ( cheers and applause ) now the icelandic soccer commentator has become something of a global phenomenon because of just how excited he has gotten calling iceland's victorious games. and last night he did not disappoint when the game ending. (screaming)
now, i want to assure my worried viewers that the announcer's hand is not caught in a garbage disposal. nor is he-- nor-- noris he dying in a particularly gruesome scene from "game of thrones." he's just excited. he's actually doing commentary right there. we can't hear it. he's doing commentary. here is the actual translation of what he is saying. and i promise upon i am not making this up. "this is done! this is done! we are never going home! did you see that? did you see that? amazing! i can't believe it! this is a dream. never wake me from this amazing dream! live the way you want, england. iceland is going to play france on sunday. france, iceland! you can go home! you can go out of europe! you can go wherever the hell you want!"
( cheers and applause ) then the victorious icelandic team celebrated with their trademark slow hand clap, joined, apparently, by the entire population of iceland. ( laughter ) and that's not too much of an exaggeration, because 10% of all of iceland's population is in frant right now for the tournament. iceland is so deserted right now, it looks like iceland. and after the shocking upset, the coach of the english team immediately resigned. just like british prime minister david cameron did after the brexit vote. so, apparently, in england, "keep calm and carry on" has become, "(bleep) this! i'm outta here!" ( cheers and applause )
oh, speaking of international incidents. the red cross is in big trouble right now for a safety poster that a lot of people are calling racist. here is the poster. it is put up for safety around pools. ses it labeled "cool" and "not cool." unfortunately, everyone labeled "cool" is white. and the "not cool" kids, who are breaking the rules, are almost exclusively minorities. this thing is a huge mess. i'm not surprised. every time you hear about the red cross, it's always some disaster. ( cheers and applause ) it's a nice, clean, disaster joke.
now, here's an example: this little white girl who is responsibly using the handrails on the diving board. she's "cool." but the "not cool" kid diving too close to another swimmer looks african american. meanwhile, this other non-white kid, labeled "not cool," is clearly crowning. "yeah. not cool, tyler. you died on the first day of summer, and now all the other kids have to spend saturdays at grief counseling. come on! reign it in, ya dingus." but the most baffling thing on this poster isn't even racist. one of the kids labeled "not cool" is wearing sunglasses and clearly drinking a beer right in front of everyone. i'm sorry, red cross, but that is clearly the coolest kid at the pool. ( cheers and applause ) "what's that? what's that?" the only thing that could make him cooler is a speech bubble saying "anybody want to go see a dead body i found?"
are there any tourists here this evening by any chance. some refugees from england are here this evening. you're going to want to keep your eyes peeled. buddhist leaders are now warning new york city tourists to be wary of fake monks. yes, those buddhist monks you see in times square could be fake. and that screaming guy on the ing subway might not be the actl jesus. apparently, these guys dress in orange robes and hand out shiny medallions and offer greetings of peace, then hit you up for donations to a non-existent temple and become aggressive and hostile if you don't give them money. yeah, better cough it up or they will teach you the sound of one-hand slapping! these faux monks are hard to spot, so to help me tell the difference, tonight please welcome a real buddhist monk i found outside my theater.
outside my theater. come on out here, donny! >> i'm a buddhist. i'm a real buddhist. >> stephen: thank you, thank you, donnie. you say you are a buddhist? >> yes, i am a buddhist. >> stephen: can you prove you're a buddhist? >> absolutely, the carpet matches the drapes, you all. >> stephen: have you had much trouble with the fake monking out there? >> so much trouble. i can't count the number of times i run into an obnoxious poser pretending to be a buddhist monk. i had to hit him. >> stephen: i thought you guys were non-violent. >> yeah, but buddha's not a doormat. is it not written in the buddhist bible, "we get knocked down, but we get up again. no one'sr
down." >> stephen: that's chubawumba. >> and a chubawumba to you, my brother. ( applause ) >> stephen: donnie, the buddhist monk, you all. >> make america great again! >> stephen: now say hello to the real deal, jon batiste and stay human, everybody! ♪ ♪ ( applause ) ( cheers and applause ) i'm very excited because tonig tonight, first of all, i'm very excited that jon batiste looks like humphrey bogart
you're looking good. here's looking at you, kid. fantastic. you're ready for a tropical vacation over there. >> jon: oh, yes, indeed. we've got a couple more days. >> stephen: we do, we do. we have to stay focused. >> jon: we're in it right now. we're focusing in, we're focusing in on the target. >> stephen: the target being doing the show the next hour? >> jon: doing the show and playing jazz for me on this side. >> stephen: for me i'm just going to do the show. comedy. >> jon: jazz. >> stephen: tinkle, tinkle. one of the reasons i'm very excited we've got coming up, our old friend tom brokaw will be out here. ( applause ) tom and i vehicle friends for years. it's an honor to know him. it's amazing i got to know this guy. he's on another network they cannot name that has got the olympics and i am looking forward to talking to him about those games because i am pumped
they are less than two months away or never. because just yesterday, rio's acting governor warned the olympics could be a "big failure," which is actually an improvement, because until yesterday, it looked like a massive catastrophe. the olympics are in real trouble. many of the venues are still unfinished, possibly because more than $10 billion in construction contracts went to just five firms, all of which are currently under investigation for price fixing and kickbacks. that has already led to top executives being jailed or charged. though on the plus side, for those executives, the prisons won't be completed until 2036. ( applause ) plus, brazil has one of the highest violent crime rates in the world, which led rivaldo, a former member of brazil's olympic soccer team, to warn tourists to "stay in their
country of origin" because "here you will be running the risk of your life," leading to brazil's newest tourist slogan, "brazil: come for the sport, stay because you're dead." ( laughter ) but experts don't expect an increase in arrests during the olympics, in part because "police patrols may grind to a halt because they can't afford to buy fuel." though, with any luck, the problem will solve itself when the cars are stolen. these budget shortfalls led first responders to stage protests all over rio yesterday, including one at the airport where police held a sign that read, "welcome to hell." yes, hell. explains why they're changing the olympic logo from three people holding hands to two guys mugging the other guy. ( cheers and applause )
but corruption and crime aren't the only things plaguing the olympics. there's also actual plague because fear over the zika virus, which can cause birth defects, has led some athletes to stay home and others to take special precautions, like freezing their sperm. (knocking) "what's going on in there?" "don't open the door. i'm training for the olympics!" ( cheers and applause ) "you're training all the time." of course, athletes could always hide from mosquitoes underwater. but i wouldn't recommend guanabara bay, where the boating events will be held, because this is an actual photo of the race site. notice, okay, that doesn't look good. but on the bright side, if brazil doesn't finish the athletes' dorms in time, i think that couch is a fold-out! and it gets worse because "researchers just found
brazilian professor to say, "these bacteria should not be present in these waters. they should not be present in the sea." now, i would say "no (bleep)." but i think in this case, quite the opposite is true. ( cheers and applause ) but it's not-- i like that. i like that. i want to point out that you have applauded two things-- shoddy construction and human waste. ( laughter ) you're my kind of people. you're my kind of people. ( applause ) but it's not just humans whose lives are at risk in rio because recently, a jaguar at an olympic torch ceremony was shot after escaping from its handlers. i believe that particular species of jaguar was the spotted south american metaphor. but don't worry. the olympic committee has
released the following statement, "we made a mistake in permitting the olympic torch, a symbol of peace and unity, to be exhibited alongside a chained wild animal. we guarantee that there will be no more such incidents at rio 2016." yes, there will no longer be lit torches alongside chained animals. from here on out, they'll just set fire to the jaguar directl ( laughter ) ( applause ) now, boy, i would hate to work for a network that paid billions of dollars to broadcast that cluster munch. we'll be right back with tom brokaw. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) ahhhhhhhh! ahhhhhhhh! ahhhhhhhh! what are we "ahhhing' about!? my money, it's gone! that's just bad security you know...
and yet here you are, in a truck full of money with no money. you know about it. now do something about it. upgrade to a new pc. you've secured the entire block but not your pc? ♪ hey troy! hello so, thanks for testing our new car service today. oh, no problem. this is the nicest ride sharing service i've ever been in. i'm so comfortable...i could take a nap right now. so, our rates are a little bit different... okay we charge by the amount of gas consumed. ooh since we traveled 4.43 miles, and this chevy malibu offers an epa estimated 47 miles per gallon city. your total is... 20 cents. (botooh) n way. i can afford that! 23 cents. do you have a quarter? hahaha the all new 2016 chevy malibu hybrid. it's just so smart. ♪ugh... waa... wow! ohhh!
find your diet pepsi emoji today. well? i love it. this piece is so you. i know, right? i saw it and i was just like "oh, i have to have it..." is it suede? it's suede. i love suede. state farm knows that every one those moments, there's one of these... well? i love it. this piece is so you. i know, right? i saw it and i was just like "i have to have it..." is it suede? it's suede. i love suede. that's why we're there, with renters insurance, when things go wrong... but also here, with a rewards credit card, to help life go right. state farm.
>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. thanks so much! thanks, everybody. my first guest tonight shared tea with the dalai lama, lunch with ronald reagan and vodka shots with mikhail gorbachev. he is one of the most trusted men in america. and one of my favorite people in the world. please welcome tom brokaw! ♪ ♪ ( applause ) right up there. >> nice digs. >> stephen: isn't it nice digs? >> any rooms f
sublet a couple of things. >> stephen: absolutely. looking for a new home? >> i'm on the run. i'm kind of an itinerant newscaster, wherever i can park myself. >> stephen: i know this morning you got back from brazil. >> 6:30 this stephen: thank your being here. >> all right. >> stephen: sure, yeah, yeah. >> i was with gaucho last night and again tonight. >> stephen: this is you on horseback and i think with a soundtrack. >> i have to tell people the horse is not stuffed. it looks like it's not alive. but, in fact, it's a real horse. >> stephen: and that's not a mannequin. that's actually you on top of the on horse. >> yes, it is. >> stephen: what were you doing on horseback? >> we're doing preps for the beginning of the olympics, and any time we do the olympics i do essays about where we a
what's interesting about the country. brazil is one the of the fascinating countries in the world. i began in the amazon, back in the jungle. the amazon has one-fifth of species they don't know about. i went down to the estonsia. people don't realize brazil is an agricultural country. the cowboys have a knife and a horse, and they live on the land for two or three days at a time rounding up the cattle. so it was fascinate displg you always do cool things can the coolest people on the world. it's so hard to impress you. we have known each other for a few years. and i know you're a big fly fisherman. you're in the fli fisherman hall of fame. >> i think i am. >> stephen: that's what we heard. >> that's true. >> stephen: one of the times i saw you a few years ago we were at a benefit and i really wanted
to impress tom brokaw and i said i have something. and he said have you done fishing? and i said i took my two boys to new zealand trout fishing on the north island of new zealand. you said, "that's nice. i was fly fishing with gos gorbachev. and i'm like i'm done. i cannot compete. >> as i recall i said we had been in new zealand the year before at the same lodge. >> stephen: you had already done what i did. you beat me twice. that doesn't make it better. that makes it worse. so you were-- >> and the families have gone skiing together. >> stephen: exactly. yeah, we've gone to sundance, in utah, exactly. you're a very good skier. it's humbling to ski with you. >> no, no, no, not anymore. i'm an old dude at this point. >> stephen: that's why it's so humbling, tom. if you were my age and better than i was, i wouldn't be humbled. >> we had g
more question about this picture. how long were you up there in the amazon? >> i left six days agoing. >> stephen: so when you left, england was still part of the european union and the world had not come to an end. >> that's right. and when i got there, at the end you may remember the projections were that it would stay. >> stephen: exactly. >> everything turned, it seemed at the end. brazil is in such political and economic chaos all the time that down there they said, "so?" that's how they live. >> stephen: it is-- this is bad. >> this is a big deal. this is a big deal. >> stephen: calm me down. because you have seen a lot. can you calm me down. this? because i'm in kind of a panic. >> listen, stephen, you and i have known each other long enough to know that calming you down is a lifetime assignment and i'm not prepared to do that. ( applause ).
are going to be ready. sochi was not really ready but they got the thing done, and nbc will be there. and if there's a section of the stadium that is not finished, we're not going to show it. ( laughter ) >> stephen: that's professionalism. >> they'll -- >> that's professionalism. >> they'll get the job done. somehow they'll get it done, i think. back to the eu, i think this is a very big deal in a lot of regard because it's the mirror image of what's going on in this country. a lot of the vote against the european union in great britain, we want our own country back. we don't want all these immigrants. that's what we're seeing here. and a lot of people are confused about their future, with good reason. and that confusion is fed by social media because you can't go online anywhere without someone having a very strong, sometimes outrageous opinion about what needs to be done. and that fuels insecurity and paranoia. so it takes, i think, leaders with a greater vision than what we're seeing right now who a
all those kinds of compacts. it looked like europe would be the perfect place to do it because they had been in an alliance for a long time. but at the same time, there was not enough education, i think, in the working class areas about what this can mean to you in terms terms of improving your lives and making yourself stronger. europe has always been a part of our life, and after the war we had the nato alliance. that helped keep the russians in check so there was a foundation for it, but when they took it into the economic arena and began to expand it so there were more than 100 nations looking in on the european union, i think a lot people who were in working class england got very nervous and they got nervous not just about that, but because the workplace is running away from them. it's automated now. it's computerized. it's not just a good pair of boots and a strong pair of hands. but you have to have other kinds of skill sets to compete, and that's the big challenge as we go forward. ( applause ) ( cheers )
have faced-- you faced your own personal challenge. and it's detailed in your book "a lucky life interrupted," which is available now in paperback. and this is you, your own reporting on battling cancer. >> yeah, i was diagnosed with cancer three years ago this summer. and it was-- it was a-- i had a bad back, and i biked across south america that same year, and i-- >> stephen: again, you do more impressive things. go ahead. >> i had been in africa covering mandela's release-- i mean his death, his final days. i was fishing in montana and i had this constant, persistent bad back. and i was on the board of the mayo clinic at the time, and i said can i get that fixed up. and they said that's your lifestyle. and my primary doctor, dr. mica, said something is going on and they drew the blood and i was sitting in a room not knowing what they were talking
they said you have multiple myeloma, you know people who died from it, frank reynolds, the old abc anchorman. you wonder how you react to that. i was surprisingly calm. i was journalistic. i wanted to know what i needed to know but on the other part of my brain i i was thinking the family will be okay. i've been very fortunate in terms of financial rewards and i don't know where this is going to lead but thank god i'm in a position it call on anybody i need to get the kind of help they need. and it's been taxing. it's been hard. but this is a story about my family helping me through it. and it's also a story about all cancer parties hav patients hav, if you will, world, and people who don't have cancer or don't have somewhere in their family who have cancer, they don't completely understand it until it enters your life. >> stephen: i'm so glad you're doing well. are you still fishing? >> still fishing. >> stephen: let's go fishing. let's go
for every 10 nights i stay, i get one free.s rewards program is simple. this however, will not be simple. you gotta ride the belt, captain obvious. i have liquids in my body! ...meta appetite control. you and temptation with... clinically proven to help reduce hunger between meals. new, from metamucil, the #1 doctor recommended brand. t-mobile lets your family stream video and music from your favorite services -free- without using one bit of your lte data. and right now, when you get 3 lifones r $40 bucks each, the fourth line is free.
with our best offers of the year! ♪ i'm free to do what i want... and 0% financing is back! on a huge selection of ford cars, trucks and suvs. plus get an extra $1000 smart bonus on specially tagged vehicles. that's freedom from interest... and freedom to choose with ford. america's best selling brand. ♪ i'm free, baby! now get 0% financing plus a $1000 smart bonus cash on specially tagged vehicles. only at the ford freedom sales event. ♪ feel free... ♪ugh... waa... wow! ohhh! aaaaahhhh. find your diet pepsi emoji today.
( applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. thanks so much. thanks everybody. hosting the show is a lot of fun. i always have a good time on stage here with you people. but one of the best things about hosting "the late show"" siget to dsigetto do it right here ink city, the greatest city on earth. no doubt. new orleans is a great city. chicago is a wonderful city. los angeles exists. but new york is the city i love. my parents are both from here. i feel my roots in this city. ( applause )
here's the thing. tonight, i wanted to take a moment to celebrate "new york city history month," which is a thing i just made up. but that's the can-do spirit new york is all about. just make up what you need. don't have any ideas for the show? think of something absurd. make it up. so join me as we take a look back at one of this city's greatest eras in our new segment, "the late show's new. york tales." >> during the 1970s, new york's club scene kept people shaking and grooving into their comb expaz nowhere did the parties rage harder than at bubble, the midtown nightclub still regarded as one of the most famous and controversial venues of all time. >> what's the best part of the nightclub experience? the music? the dancing? the midnight
mystery? wrong, wrong, and close, but wrong. it's when they turn on the phone. >> and turn on the phone they did. >> bubble had a custom-ibility foam machine that could do 30-k. cubic feet per minute, wall to wall, floor to ceiling, or55 to orifice, none stop foam. >> it attracted a who's who of new york's cultural elite. andy warhol, debbie harry, wilt chamberlain. >> it was a place for intellectuals to gather,un. in the same night you could have a drink with gore vidal, argue with norman mailer and help resuscitate mr. t. >> it was a crazy time. a potent combination of designer drugs,
>> they danced and fought the foam all night long and were left with memories to last a lifetime. if they could remember them. >> yeah, yeah, i was there. not they remember. the doctors say they happen to know a lot of people that came in contact with the foam, except for long-term memory loss. one time i blacked out in '94, and when i came to, i was accepting an independent spirit award for "fargo." i don't remember making that movie. ( laughter ). >> but all parties have to end sometime, and for bubble that was may 22, 1974. the same night the club opened. >> eeh, i decided to end things before the scene got too square, you know. also, the health department shut us down and the military took our foam machine to use as a weapon. i live with no regrets. i have a new club in mime wre we're doing big things with what i call party
>> stephen: we'll be right back with sara and erin foster. ♪but i'm not gonna let 'em catch me, no no,♪ ♪not gonna let 'em catch the midnight rider,♪ ♪yeaaahh... ♪but i'm not gonna let 'em catch me nooo♪ ♪not gonna let 'em catch the midnight riiiiiiiideer!♪ the world must join in one common goal. to protect our greatest resource. our pancakes. denny's red, white and blue slam is here and so is independence day: resurgence. denny's. welcome to america's diner. in theaters, june 24th. and you're talking to your doctor about your medication... this is humira. this is humira helping to relieve my pain and protect my joints from further damage.
this is humira helping me go further. humira works for many adults. it targets and helps to block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to ra symptoms. doctors have been prescribing humira for over 13 years. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened, as have blood, liver and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. ready for a new chapter? talk to your rheumatologist. this is humira at work. ♪ugh... waa... wow! ohhh! aaaaahhhh.
what are you doing? sara, i love you, and... [phone rings] ah, it's my brother. keep going... sara, will you marry... [phone rings again] what do you want, todd???? [crowd cheering] keep it going!!!! if you sit on your phone, you butt-dial people. it's what you do. todd! if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. it's what you do. i know we just met like, two months ago... yes! [crowd cheering] [crowd cheering over phone]
♪ ♪ ( applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my next guests are sisters who are the stars and creators of the show "barely famous." please welcome sara and erin foster. >> stephen: be careful. be careful. thank you very much. welcome to the show. thank you for being here. >> thank you for being here. >> stephen: we do have two levels here, one for each of you. >> i want you guys. ( cheers and applause )
>> stephen: erin and sara. >> yes. >> stephen: sisters. first of all, thank you for dressing up. >> well-- >> stephen: so few of our guests dress up to this extent. >> we saw-- we saw casey affleck here. >> that was terrible. >> yeah. i was -- >> he was far more casual than you are right now. >> yes, so we've been in hair and makeup for the last three days. >> yes. i wore a bib for you. >> stephen: yes, you did! >> very little amount of clothes. >> she's taped though. >> i'm taped in there. not fully, so you guys are getting a good view. >> stephen: it's a family show. it's a family show. let's keep this clean, ladies. is this normal? you're from los angeles. you might actually be los angeles. >> i think we are. >> stephen: because you not only have in your extended family there's a real housewife, some distant kardashians are in there. your father is a famous music producer. and the two of you are in a faux reality show called "barely famous"." why not number
show. that's where the cash is. >> then we would never get acting jobs again. >> we really don't want to do that. yes, you are correct with those stats about our family. and we really just never uponned to be on reality tv. so it was funny because we were sort of this, like, missing link in a family filled with reality shows. so when people would say, "why don't you guys do a reality show?" we were like we don't really want to do that. we're going to do a show that makes fun of people that do reality shows instead. ( applause )
social media and fame, but it's not about someone specific. so from our experience no one has been offended by it. i think everyone is in on the joke. >> stephen: is there a show it's modeled from? >> we pulle pulled from can com, extras, and curves. >> stephen: those are fake shows. is there an actual reality show it is based on? >> no. we pull interviews. we do fake interviews in our show as a way to storytell, and we pulled that from housewife stuff where-- >> the show is just a device. >> stephen: does anyone throw wine in anybody's face in the show? >> that hasn't happened yet. >> stephen: next season. we have a clip here. because you have a lot of celebrity friends because you live in los angeles. >> thank you. >> stephen: and you people all know each other. >> thank you. >> stephen: and you have a clip with chris martin and i believe you are trying to convince him to be in the show with you and you're giving him some-- >> iat
i got cut from that scene. >> stephen: really? >> i think, yeah. >> stephen: i apologize and-- >> but now you brought that up. >> stephen: and strangely at the same time don't know what i'm introducing. go ahead. >> really, you're playing, like, method. >> yeah. >> like "the refinant." >> people have said before i have a leo vibe. >> you do, but i want to have that, too. >> i want to have a leo vibe. >> i don't meend you upstaging me in a scene but at some point i want to break out. >> just don't even talk about it. what's that? you don't need to do that. i to that sometimes. >> yeah. >> because, like, i connect with the audience, you know. but-- >> yeah. you do. you really do. i love the show. >> thank you. ( applause ) >> stephen: so what do you watch? you've got to watch some reality tv? what do you watch? what do you enjoy? >> i
"bachelorette." >> stephen: i like anything that has sound while i'm eating. yours is one of the better things to watch while i'm eating. >> we would love you on season three. >> stephen: i don't think i'm los angeles enough. >> it seems like a very, very l.a. show. >> that doesn't mean we wouldn't take you. ( laughter ). >> stephen: a little new york charity? have you guys ever lived in new york city? >> no, we have a sister who lives here. does that count? >> stephen: sure. >> okay. >> stephen: it doesn't answer the question, but it counts. >> i have never lived here. >> stephen: really? >> no. >> stephen: do you think you would like it here? do you know anything about new york city? in new york city people have things to do when they're not on television. >> what? >> hmmm... you know, i don't even know what that's like. i don't know. >> stephen: i have family in los angeles. i have friends and family that live in los angeles-- >> that's such a weird concept.
all. we're tired all the time and we do literally nothing. >> stephen: los angeles! >> yeah. >> stephen: los angeles! and you're so fit and attractive. >> thank you. >> stephen: is everyone in los angeles fit and attractive? because i never met anyone who isn't. >> no, we have some of those people that are not as fit or attractive, but we don't hang out with those people. >> stephen: see, that's honest. that's honesty. that's what i'm looking for in a guest. exactly. sara and erin foster, everybody. the second season of "barely famous" starts tomorrow on vh1. we'll be right back. thank you very much. ♪ ♪ ( applause )
(rustling sound effects, did we put away all the food? define all... ahhhhhhhhh! (cheetos crunching) such majestic creatures. t-mobile lets your family stream video and music from your favorite services -free- without using one bit of your lte data. and right now, when you get 3 lifones r $40 bucks each,
is this my car? ck. state farm knows that for every one of those moments... what? this is ridiculous! there's one of these... sam, i gotta go... is this my car? what? this is ridiculous! this can't be happening! this can't be happening! oh, it's happening sweetheart. oh, it's happening sweetheart. shut up! shut up! that's why state farm is there, what a day... with car insurance, for when things go wrong. but also here with car loans, to help life go right. state farm. what a day!!
fios is not cable. we're wired differently. so we wired the wagner's house with 100 meg internet. which means that in the time it takes mr. wagner's to pour a 20 oz. cup of coffee, tommy can download 30 songs, and jan can upload 120 photos. 12 seconds. that's the power of fiber optics. and right now you can get 100 meg internet with equal upload and download speeds, tv and phone for just $69.99 per month online.
only fios can. hey troy! hello so, thanks for testing our new car service today. oh, no problem. this is the nicest ride sharing service i've ever been in. i'm so comfortable...i could take a nap right now. so, our rates are a little bit different... okay we charge by the amount of gas consumed. ooh since we traveled 4.43 miles, and this chevy malibu offers an epa estimated 47 miles per gallon city. your total is... 20 cents. (botooh) n way. i can afford that! 23 cents. do you have a quarter? hahaha the all new 2016 chevy malibu hybrid. it's just so smart. ♪ugh... waa...
ohhh! aaaaahhhh. find your diet pepsi emoji today. because you can't beat zero heartburn! i take prilosec otc each morning for my frequent heartburn ahhh the sweet taste of victory! prilosec otc. one pill each morning. 24 hours. zero heartburn. not yet, i'm... folding the laundry! can you? no... cleaning the windows! the living room's a disaster! (vo) most insurance companies give you every reason to avoid them. plants need planting! well the leaves aren't going to rake themselves! (vo) nationwide is different. hon, did you call nationwide to check on our claim? (vo) we put members first. actually, they called me. ♪ nationwid oe isn your side nationwide is the exclusive insurance partner of plenti. ♪♪ cause sealy's support yis perfect for you. ♪
only the sealy hybrid has posturepedic technology to support you where you need it most. se aly. proud supporter of you. ♪ from the crib to the ridehen and the clothes ♪ ♪ so you better let him know ♪ that if he mess up you gotta hit em up ♪ introducing new lime-a-rita splash the refreshing margarita in a bottle.
here we go! >> ♪ eight inch heels mini skirt ♪ and don't you act like your feet don't hurt ♪ hair ain't real brows on fleek ♪ you've been talking about yourself girl, ♪ all damn week >> you a little to perfect baby ♪ you a little to perfect for me me me me me me me oh, yeah yeah >> ♪ ahhhhh rolex watch
♪ i don't think i see a single mark ♪ on your face my iphone's cracked ♪ and my credits jacked and my nails are short ♪ and my lungs are black you a little too perfect baby ♪ you a little too perfect baby for me oh, yeah, yeah oh, yeah, yeah you a little too perfect baby ♪ you a little too perfect baby for me
me me me me me me you a little too perfect baby you a little too perfect you a little too perfect ♪ you a little too perfect baby you a little too perfect ♪ you a little too perfect baby for me you a little too perfect me me me me me me ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: check out colbertlateshow.com to see a performance of "riot" from bibi bourelly! we'll be right back.
>> stephen: that's it for "the late show." tune in tomorrow when my guests will be samuel l. jackson, julie klausner, and a musical performance by schoolboy q. james corden is up next with his guests elizabeth olsen and anthony mackie. good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org
♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight no matter how many phantoms ♪ try to kill you you always will survive ♪ it's the late, late show >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen, all the way from a dilapidated cabin in the woods, give it up for your host, the one, the only, james corden!