announcer: lipton--drink on the bright side. fish: hey! take off that mask. lose that heavy makeup look, and slip into lihtweight coverage that really fits. clean makeup. easy breezy beautiful covergirl. with their autobahn for all event. it ends soon. they got great prices. cars built for the autobahn. people are gonna be driving crazy in the jetta... ...the routan, and the cc. that cc is gorgeous. that jetta is awesome. my wife loves her new routan. and they all come with that carefree maintenance. scheduled maintenance included. we're not shopping for cars here, people. c'mon! well, i am now. that's kind of exciting. [ male announcer ] right now, get 0% apr on 2010 models, excluding tdi. or get a great price on a certified pre-owned volkswagen. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- from "modern family," sofia vergara. chef gordon ramsay. and music from christian scott. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, i kid you not -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applau

[grunts] announcer: lipton--drink on the bright side. fish: hey! the craftsman hammerhead goes everyday. driving home nails quickly and easily in the tightest spaces. more innovation, more great values. craftsman. trust. in your hands. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- matthew fox. from "the kids are all right," josh hutcherson. and music from the swell season. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" and now, just to be on the safe side, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm charmed by that, thank you. thank you for being here. thank you for watching. thank you for your generous contributions. i'm jim, as in jim tan laundry. that is me that they're talking about. after six months of breathless anticipation, america returned to the jersey shore, which, like lebron james, has been relocated to miami. and none of the people on it are from new jersey and it is new in miami, so it doesn't make sense, but i guess as long as there's techno music and a quiet place to vomit, the jersey shor

[grunts] announcer: lipton--drink on the bright side. fish: hey! time to face the pollen that used to make me sneeze... my eyes water. but now zyrtec®, the fastest 24-hour allergy relief, comes in a liquid gel. zyrtec® liquid gels work fast, so i can love the air®. with subs so hot they'll burn the wimp right outta ya. quench the fire with a 32-ounce drink for a chance to win the new playstation move motion gaming system and lots of hot new games before they even hit stores. subway. where winners eat. are you really thirsty for hops and barley? mike's hard lemonade it is. [ male announcer ] don't forget the mike's. lemonade for grownups. don't worry about that. i switched to sprint's $69.99 plan, so i wasn't charged extra. [ buzzes ] okay, i just got your breakup e-mail. e-mails are unlimited, too. and look -- i just changed my facebook status to "single." but internet's also unlimited. [ cellphone buzzing ] deaf, hard-of-hearing and people with speech disabilities, access www.sprintrelay.com. yeah. [ male announcer ] why just talk with at&t and

[grunts] announcer: lipton--drink on the bright side. fish: hey! what this droid does will change how you do web connections. this creates a mobile 3g hotspot, powerful enough to fuel multiple devices at will. putting you at the center of your own world wide web. introducing the new droid x. the next generation of does. just a few simple ingredients and great-tasting mission flour tortillas make fabulous chicken fajitas, warm and yummy breakfast burritos and seriously tasty tacos. you'll find these budget-minded recipes and more ways to save at missionmenus.com. great meals start with delicious mission flour tortillas. mission. tasty tortillas. fresh ideas. to finish what you started today. for the aches and sleeplessness in between, there's new motrin pm. no other medicine, not even advil pm, is more effective for pain and sleeplessness. new motrin pm. patience, son. ah! [ female announcer ] sometimes, you can get so much out of so little. woohoo! [ female announcer ] especially when it comes to charmin ultra soft. its ultra soft design is soft an

[grunts] announcer: lipton--drink on the bright side. fish: hey! to finish what you started today. for the aches and sleeplessness in between, there's new motrin pm. no other medicine, not even advil pm, is more effective for pain and sleeplessness. new motrin pm. >> gabe, stop hogging all the girls! >> jimmy: it's serious. with us tonight on the show, a young alaskan who was thrust into the national spotlight by premarital thrusting. sarah palin's tormentor-in-chief, levi johnston is here. also tonight, this is their new album, it's called "all night long." music from buckcherry from the bud light stage. next week on the show, criss angel, justin long, juliette lewis, jerry o'connell, hayden christensen, sharon osborne, ozzy osbourne and music from hey monday, five finger death punch and t.i. that's next week. our first guest tonight is a hollywood legend, responsible for six rockys, four rambos and at least one "stop! or my mom will shoot!" his new movie is called "the expendables." it's in theaters tomorrow. please say hello to sylvester stallone. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimm

[grunts] announcer: lipton--drink on the bright side. fish: hey! so sure i already knew the salad and breadsticks were endless. but the other night even the pasta was endless. whoa, whoa, wait. so i get to choose any sauce and pasta then just keep trying them in different combinations? yea, nice, huh? yea, real nice. announcer: the never ending pasta bowl is back. with delicious new sauces like hearty chianti three meat. and creamy parmesan portobello. combine any sauce and pasta, then try other combinations just $8.95. plus unlimited salad and breadsticks. and how's your pasta, sir? never ending. announcer: olive garden. when you're here, you're family. what makes a hershey's bar pure? ["melt with you" playing] pure fun. pure joy. pure delicious chocolate. pure hershey's. don't worry about that. i switched to sprint's $69.99 plan, so i wasn't charged extra. [ buzzes ] okay, i just got your breakup e-mail. e-mails are unlimited, too. and look -- i just changed my facebook status to "single." but internet's also unlimited. [ cellphone buzzing ] deaf

announcer: lipton--drink on the bright side. fish: sheesh. [ sponge ] okay, team. time to tackle these greasy dishes. we're facing some toug opposition today. i'm gonna need my biggest player. a change in the lineup? that little squirt? [ cheers and applause ] [ female announcer ] one bottle of ultra dawn has the grease-cleaning power of two of the leading non-oncentrated brand, giving you double the cleaning ingredients in every drop. [ sponge ] way to go, kid. you really knocked the grease out of them. [ female announcer ] dawn does more... [ sponge ] so it's not a chore. the craftsman hammerhead goes everyday. driving home nails quickly and easily in the tightest spaces. more innovation, more great values. craftsman. trust. in your hands. now it integrates your work e-mail, so you can be hooked up to everything you need to do. now it does 1 ghz speed on a more intuitive keyboard. turning you into an instrument of efficiency. introducing the new droid 2 by motorola. part of the next generation of does. south of laredo, so hot, rattlesnakes combust. ♪ but we go,

. >> larry: sponsored by lipton. ♪ the drunk old injun squatting in 'tis tepee ♪ ♪ fire water keeping him warm ♪ jewish nose ♪ she's got a big beautiful jewish nose ♪ ♪ and it's there two minutes early wherever she goes ♪ >> hey there fruitie. ♪ hey there fruitie ♪ you can do my hair ♪ hey there fruitie, don't touch me down there ♪ ♪ hey there fruitie ♪ you're gay and i don't approve ♪ >> larry: dean, sammy and frank, you love them. right, seth? >> i love them all. >> who did sammy? >> that was me. >> that was a good sammy. >> larry: you did all of them? >> i did all three of them. yeah. >> larry: that was a great bit. do you ever use the "n" word on your show? >> we -- no. it's -- "the cleveland show" has used -- i mean, they've said the phrase "the n word." but as far as using the actual n word, no. >> larry: do you like "family guy"? >> yeah. very much. very much so. >> larry: do you like it? >> i do. >> well, i'm sitting right here. i mean -- >> larry: to penn that makes no difference. >> i'm very complimented you said that, larry. >> "simple rules for dati

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announcer: lipton--drink on the bright side. fish: sheesh. what this droid does will change how you do web connections. this creates a mobile 3g hotspot, powerful enough to fuel multiple devices at will. putting you at the center of your own world wide web. introducing the new droid x. the next generation of does. experience games in the elements, or in the comfort of your own home. let the sears blue crew help you find the perfect tv. get bonus 10-percent instant savings, or no interest for 18 months on total electronics purchases over $499 when you use a qualifying sears card. and watch your team with a sharp 46-inch led hdtv. only $1214.99 after sears card bonus. or...a zenith 42-inch plasma, only $449.99 after sears card bonus. stay home, the elements are overrated. sears ♪ [ male announcer ] he's sweet, even with 1/3 less sugar than soda. kool-aid delivering more smiles per gallon. even with 1/3 less sugar than soda. host: could switching to geico realis a bird in the handre on worth 2 in the bush? appraiser: well you rarely see them i

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