jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: gracias. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for coming. thank you for being here. welcome to hollywood. i don't know if you saw, but outside our building today, one of the great singers, chaka khan, got a star on the hollywood walk of fame. which as very big deal in show business. chaka khan should get four stars. that way, while you walk, you can say, chaka khan, chaka khan. chaka khan, chaka khan. right? we have quite a lineup for you tonight. who is here to see albert brooks, who is here to see rammstein, and who is here to see chaz bono? really, a lot of crossover. we will definitely make a love connection in this audience tonight. speaking of love connections, the saga of arnold schwarzenegger and the maid continues to dominate the news here in california. as you probably know, on tuesday, arnold admitted to having fathered a child with a member of his housekeeping staff. specifically, this member of his housekeeping staff. there they ar

jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thank you for being here. merry apocalypse eve to every one of you here. the apocalypse -- tonight, really, may 21st is the day on which an evangelical radio broadcaster named harold camping has convinced his followers the apocalypse will begin. i checked the weather an hour ago. we have a 10% chance. he says the apocalypse will start with a huge earthquake that will shake all the true believers up to heaven and leave everyone else down here. it's like god playing boggle. what are the safety procedures do you stand in a doorway? do you stop, drop and roll? i might just get naked and run around screaming at the top of my lungs. that's how i handle most emergencies. some people have actually quit their jobs in preparation for this. i saw family on the news, they totally bought into it. they sold all their things. it's kind of sad. though, i did get a great deal on a weed whacker. $2. on

. >> jimmy: oh. >> jimmy kimmel butduh. >> jimmy: wow, so easy even can i do it. thanks, katie. >> thanks. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" app. available exclusively at the apple app store. "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with topher grace. adam carolla. and music from christina perri. ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] it's not about what you can get into... ♪ ♪ ...but what you can get out of. ♪ ♪ the 2011 jeep wrangler. adventure is never ordinary. ♪ ♪ well-qualified lessees can get a 2011 jeep wrangler 2-door 4x4 for $299 a month. joey says to the guy -- [ sizzling ] ♪ ♪ love when that happens. [ male announcer ] applebee's introduces two new sizzling entrees. starting at $8.99. fresh flavor never sounded so good. new sizzling entrees only at applebee's. open 'til midnight or later. anncr: one day wonder! odwb: come on, come on, hey! girls: f-l-i-p odwb: flip flops for everyone, one buck! girls: those toes so pretty. girls: f-l-o-p anncr: saturday only, at old navy! [ ding! ] dirty mouth, huh? what've you been up to? ♪ ♪ [ gasps, hisses ]

: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with exciting news. "jimmy kimmel live" now has an app. here now with all the details, our spokespokesmodel, katie. hello, katie. how are you? >> good, how are you? >> jimmy: go ahead. >> we are pleased to -- what was that? >> jimmy: yours is in blue. >> hello, i'm pleased to be here to introduce the "jimmy kimmel live" app. >> jimmy: we are pleased to have you. tell us about the app. >> with the "jimmy kimmel live" app, you can watch video from the show anywhere on the go. yes. >> jimmy: even like in the tub? >> i mean if it's waterfroof. >> jimmy: even at the circus? >> i mean, sure if you want to -- what if you lose it on a roller coaster? >> jimmy: even if you're riding a unicorn in heaven? >> a unicorn? it would be hard to ride that and hold this at the same time. >> jimmy: okay, back to the cue cards. >> and you can read all jimmy kimmel's hilarious personal tweets. and best of all, it's free and available on the ipad, iphone and ipod touch. >> jimmy: and how do we install the app? >> simply go to

"jimmy kimmel live" now has its very own app. here with more on that, our new spok spok spokesmodel, katie. hello, katie. >> hey. thank, jimmy. i'm here tonight with the exciting news about the free "jimmy kimmel live" app. >> jimmy: show us how it works katie. >> i'll show you how it works. the jkl app is available for the ipad, iphone, and ipod touch. you can watch video from the show anywhere, on the go, and you can read jimmy's hilarious tweets. like this one here. you're nothing more than a wad of used fabric softener sheets. i hate you, airplane pillows. that's hysterical! it is. >> jimmy: thank you, thank you. i'm flattered. and where is this app available? >> right here at the apple store. >> jimmy: there you go. tell them about it, dicky. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" app, available exclusively at the apple app store. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with mike tyson, music from big sean and christina aguilera. but a million and one imperatives. do. is a challenge. the expectation of greatness. whi

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live ♪ and now, in all honesty, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. thank you for watching. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming out. [ cheers and applause ] i appreciate your enthusiasm. let me ask you, who's ready to p-a-r-t-i? [ applause ] i spelled it with an "i." i'm going to start off with some sad news tonight. i don't want to bring you down but the oprah-pocalypse is near. there are only nine more oprah shows until -- until we die i guess. we'll die, right, without her? today's oprah was her last ever makeover extravaganza. today was oprah's last ever makeover extravaganza. from here on out, we're on our own. they'll be makeovers. there won't be extravaganzas. they'll be occasional "vaganzas" but no "extravaganzas." in chicago the mayor gave oprah her own street. it's called oprah winfrey way. as you can see there. tell you one thing it's going to be fun to give directions now. like, take michigan avenue and hang a left on oprah. stay on oprah for about a

>> jimmy kimmel, duh. then click the free install button and wait for it to download. >> jimmy: wow, it's so easy, ooichb i can do. thanks, katie. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" app. available exclusively at the apple app store. "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with anthony hopkins. andre agassi. and from "dancing with the stars," kendra wilkinson. hi. welcome. thanks for coming. we're going to head on into the interview. greg . . . greg . .. was fuel efficiency an important factor in buying this car? oh definitely. as all my friends would tell you i am one of the cheapest people you'll ever meet. and whenever i was filling up with gas before i'd have a scowl on my face. you seem very comfortable up there. have you done this before? no, i haven't, and i'm actually terrified right now. wait, you have something right? of course. ugh. ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] icy cool intensity so you're prepared no matter how close you get. where were we? dentyne ice. practice safe breath. small space. meet big

"jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- sofia vergara. congressman manny pacquiao. diane sawyer. and music from the airborne toxic event. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, odds are, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's very sweet. thank you, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for being here. and, hey, if you're watching at home, grab your crumpets and sit down in front of the telly, it's royal wedding tonight. i'm so excited, i'm royal wetting my pants. welcome to the "jimmy kimmel live" countdown to the royal wedding prenuptial festivities. our security team is ready. right guys? there they are. and who are you dressed as, guys? they really know how to commit to a part. they do. as most of you are probably aware, coverage of the royal wedding of prince william and kate middleton begins right at the end of our show here on the west coast, 4:00 a.m. eastern, 1:00 a.m. pacific. diane sawyer and barbara walters co

. >> dicky: tonight on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: cinco de mayo celebrates the day that st. cinco drove the pinatas out. >> jimmy: would you pund that nail in for us? >> dicky: adam pally. and music from calexico. >> jimmy: 61% 0 americans think bin laden is in hell. and the other 39% think he's in bin laden is in hell. and the other 39% think he's in super hell.h@ bin laden is in hell. and the other 39% think he's in super hell.h@♪ ♪ free access to chase atm's wherever you are. that's a step forward. chase customers can avoid atm fees with over 16,000 nationwide. take a step forward and chase what matters. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a message from pepto bismol just in time for cinco de mayo. guillermo is outside getting a jump on the holiday right now on hollywood boulevard, where four innocent pinatas are about to be smashed. hola, guillermo. que pasa? >> hola, jimmy. feliz cinco de mayo! i am here to show you how to make the perfect cinco de mayo snack. >> jimmy: oh. and why are you yelling? >> oh, so you can hear me! >> jimmy: oh, okay. >> okay? >> jimmy

♪ it's jimmy kimmel live and now, great news, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. welcome to the show. thank you for watching. thank you for being here. thank you, cleto. i'm glad -- i'm glad you're in a good mood. i'm in a very good mood. did you hear what happened last night? [ applause ] what an episode of "chloe yoe and lamar." apparently last night america voted and osama bin laden was eliminated from the planet earth. [ applause ] here is our president last night on live television addressing the nation. >> thank you. may god bless you. and may god bless the united states of america. >> that wraps it up there. that's breaking news. president obama addressing the nation. >> jimmy: he's very happy. he came out for several encores. i would like us to kill osama bin laden every sunday night. it makes for a much brighter start to the week for me. the news spread very quickly. i think it was the first twitter death rumor that turned out true. it explains now why the royal couple postponed their honeymoon to abb

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" ♪ >> dicky: and now, at last, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hola. thank you, cleto. hi, everyone. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for coming. thank you for watching. it's wonderful to have you here. we have a lot of visitors in our audience tonight. beautiful day in los angeles here today, wasn't it? the birds were swinging, which, steven tyler liked but randy said it didn't make him jump up and down, yo. can i ask you a question, am i the only one still excited about osama bin laden being in hell right now? [ cheers and applause ] i don't know why. i think of it a lot. remember when frank sinatra sang riding high in april, shot down in may? that's literally what happened. osama bin laden, as we speak, is living with spongebob in a pineapple under the sea. he's up to 2,000 friends on shot in the facebook. [ laughter ] it's -- [ applause ] i don't mean to trivialize it. yeah, maybe you feel a certain sense of relief that justice has been done, but is it right to actually feel happy? and i think the

. >>> x@x@x@x@x@x@x@x@x@x@x@x@x@x@@ >>> >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a word mio. from how it looks, to how it tastes, mio is a whole new way to have a drink that you personalize. it's like bedazzling your tongue. but why use terrible analogies to explain mio when it can be plained in song by the world's worst barbershop quartet! take it away! ♪ mio, mio, mio, mio oh, mio tastes good like your drink should ♪ ♪ six delicious flavors for your mouth to savor zero calories and it's sugar free ♪ ♪ all you have do is flip it tip it sip it! ♪ ♪ mio it's for me ♪ >> you taste really good mio. >> dickey: with 24 eight-ounce servings in every bottle, make it yours. make it mio. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with ginnif goodwin, music from zac brown band and chris o'donnell. [ cellphone vibrates ] hey baby, what's going on? [ ella ] happy anniversary! are we still on for tonight? yeah, of course. of course. [ laughs ] you remembered to make a reservation, right? yeah, i remembered that. the number one thing a man should remember. i'm gon

. ♪ >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, nathan fillion -- from "dancing with the stars," romeo. we play "where in the store is guillermo?" and music from calle 13. with cleto and the cletones -- and now, slow down, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, guys. thank you very much. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. thank you for the applause and music and i tell you something, you make me feel like a real, live las vegas entertainer. it's tuesday night, judgment night on "dancing with the stars" and they really milked it. before the results show, they did a special where they recapped the greatest performances ever. they recapped a recap show. and now i'm about to recap that for you. the five dancers remaining, romeo, who used to be little romeo before he got big was forced to button his shirt and go home. he is on his way over with his partner, chelsie hightower to chot about his elimination. when your name is romeo, you have to expect t

. ♪ >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a message from shell prepower premium gasoline. we're talking about the shell power fuel my passion sweepstakes. >> that's why i'm so happy to be involved. i'm very passionate about what i drive. on and off the track. >> what you're saying is i have a chance to win great prizes including free shell power if i upload a photo of me next to my favorite ride? >> that's right. >> wow. >> what the hell did you just say? >> don't you understand, tippy, by now -- understand my language -- >> oh, please, that ain't a language. get your hand off my leg. >> kiss me and make up. >> oh, please. >> you defied me like you always did. >> what are you talking about? you got the story all wrong. -- wrote the ticket out -- >> okay, okay, that's it. i can't handle it anymore. >> oh, where is the driver going? >> you know, you guys are crazy. >> you made him leave. >> no, you made him leave. >> visit www.shell.us/fuelmypassion for a chance to win up to five years of free shell v-power premium gas gasoline. maximum protection for optimal performance. ba

. >> dicky: up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: steven tyler really is something. i haven't seen an old lady this sexed up on tv since mrs. roper. >> dicky: jesse tyler ferguson. >> jimmy: you're gay? why wasn't i informed of this? >> dicky: sara vowel. >> i like excellence. >> jimmy: who doesn't? >> dicky: and maybach music group features rick ross. >> jimmy: n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n

here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hola. hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us. you're here on a very good night. anthony hopkins is here. andre agassi is here. bin laden is not here he's dead. everything's going our way. as you most likely know osama bin laden was killed on sunday night. the initial reports were that he was killed by navy s.e.a.l.s. but he learned today he was killed by actual seals. they slid in on their bellies and smothered him with a beach ball, they were twirling it around. i tell you what, there's no better time than now to be a navy s.e.a.l. or a guy in a bar claiming to be a navy s.e.a.l. new details continue to emerge describing bin laden's final moments. according to sources close to officials at the white house, bin laden's final words, and this is interesting, "are you guys here about the dishwasher?" an early report suggested that during the raid he used his wife as a human shield which, i guess he could have used a fatter wife, right? but the

and now, take my word for it here's jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: that's very nice. i'm jimmy, the host of the show. thank you for watching. i want to say to each of us congratulations on surviving the apop apocalypse this weekend. did any of you die? i don't think i did. maybe i did. maybe this is hell. is omarosa the guest tonight? then no, this is not hell. whew. i'm actually kind of upset the rapture didn't happen on saturday. i gave my beanie baby collection up for no reason at all. at first i felt bad for the people who sold everything they owned to prepare for the apocalypse but then i was thinking about it and i realized they're idiots. [ laughter ] even if the world did end, what are you going to do with the money you got? when the world ends, walmart is closed. [ laughter ] so then i felt a lot better about the whole thing. the guy who predicted the enofd of the world, he's an evangelical christian radio host. boy, is his face red. his followers spent a lot of money trying to get the word out about the apocalypse. it turned out to be the worst use of $140 m

. >> i love jimmy kimmel. his show is hilarious. jimmy kimmel rooting for, i should say late night host, rooting for the connecticut kid who could not go to his prom. but today the ban was lifted for james tate. our affiliate wfsb reports the head master and the 18-year-old honors student can go now. tate got into trouble for this prom proposal, taping block letters to the side of his school so the connecticut high school banned him. then came the tv appearances and a let james tate go to prom facebook page with nearly 200,000 followers. wow. this afternoon, the head master announced she changed her mind and some say she bowed to the pressure from online. regardless, we're glad he's going to his prom. >>> up next on cnn, they are the best of the best. the u.s. navy s.e.a.l.s that killed bin laden, how much training do you think it takes to become one? the answer right after the break. i know what works differently than many other allergy medications. omnaris. omnaris, to the nose! did you know nasal symptoms like congestion can be c

a state representative drafting an appeal, and jimmy kimmel too. >> i guess they're worried cardboard would flutter down to the ground and injure some lady bugs or something. i don't know. >> reporter: last night, it was diane taking up the case. >> so we choose james tate who says even if he can't go to the prom, he wants sunali to go without him, dance for both of them, and he'll wait for her outside in his tux. we're rooting for you. >> reporter: late today, the school announced a change of heart for the boy who showed all the world his, he'll go to the prom with sunali telling me he already has his tux. he tells me he has a message for diane. he says tell her thanks a million. >> that is "world news" for this saturday night. as we leave you this evening, a note about somebody at abc news, a loss far too early. clem lane was an editorial force behind the scenes. our boss put it best today, saying we are all remembering clem's singular wit. our thoughts are with his family and his beloved daughter tonight. good night. >> alan: good evening. thousands will fill the streets tomorrow f

jimmy kimmel. >> i guess they're worried the cardboard would flutter down to the ground and injure some lady bugs or something? i don't know. >> exactly. >> reporter: so, while they may be bending the rules in the name of romance, the faces of the sweethearts say, better than not bending them at all. >> will you go to prom with me? >> yes. >> reporter: no guts, no prom glory. and so we choose james tate, who says even if he can't go to the prom, he wants sonali to go without him, dance for both of them, and he'll wait for her outside. we're waiting for you, james. and, we thank all of you for watching. hope you have a wonderful weekend. we're always on at abcnews.com. and "nightline" and david muir will be >> new allegations over a east bay shopping center brothel and the police running it. >> oakland police do spring cleaning tonight. dozens are arrested in a sweep of 50 hot spots for drugs and violence. >> state of emergency in san jose tonight. union leaders are accusing the mayor of a wisconsin-style ploy. >> and tonight the mobots that hold a world of promise in the future. >> a st

kimmel you saw there, the school reversed its decision. james will go to the prom. and there's a move afoot to name him prom king. dance one for us, james. >>> and coming up, a medical mystery solved. one mom's four-month ordeal ended. [ male announcer ] those with frequent heartburn imagine a day free of worry, a day when we can eat what we want, drink what we want, and sleep soundly through the night. finally that day has arrived with prevacid®24hr. just one pill helps keep you heartburn-free for a full 24 hours. prevent the acid that causes frequent heartburn all day, all night. now we are free. happy. with prevacid®24hr, happiness is a day without heartburn. so i've got to take care of my heart. for me cheerios is a good place to start. [ male announcer ] to keep doing what you love, take care of your heart with cheerios. the whole grain oats can help lower cholesterol. love your heart so you can do what you love. what helps keep her moving? caltrate soft chews. ready-to-go, delicious, and packed with 20% more calcium than viactiv. s

kimmel and our own diane sawyer. james tate was banned from his prom after breaking school rules by posting his invitation on a school wall. but under pressure from all across the country, the school's headmaster has reversed her decision. so all's well that ends well with james tate. >> you have diane sawyer to thank for that. apparently some of his colleagues at school held a sit-in, as well. >> that helped too. >> june 4th will be a good night for him. >> all right. we want to turn to weather now. jackie meretsky. good to see you. >> good to see you guys. good morning, everyone. well, it's not just residents of the south that are dealing with flooding concerns. take a look what's happening in akron, ohio, portions of north eastern ohio have received close to 6 inches of rain since friday and more on the way, and that's all because of this pesky stalled frontal boundary you can see. so the rain taking us from the ohio valley all of the way into the northeast. new york city, expect showers to linger for at least the

. >> comedian jimmy kimmel rooting for the connecticut kid who could not go to his prom, but today the ban was lifted for james tate. it was reported the headmaster changed her mind and the 18-year-old honor student can go now. he got into trouble for this prom proposal taping block letters to the side of his school. the connecticut high school banned him. then came the tv appearances and a let james tate go to the prom facebook page with 200,000 followers. this afternoon the headmaster announced she had changed her mind and some say she bowed to the pressure from online. >>> no doubt we're in the midst of prom season and there are hundreds of kids around the nation stuck on prom. like you have probably never seen before. they created dresses and tuxes of duct tape just for the event. in georgia the high school had an entire duct tape prom. some of the students and their teachers came to visit me just to give me an up close look at their sticky situations and sensations. >> this is about the community. we've had the best time doing this. we have a fashion show around the fountain at th

. >>> the late-night comics had much to say about bin laden's demise including abc's jimmy kimmel. >> here's our president last night on live television addressing the nation. >> thank you. my god bless you. and may god bless the united states of america. >> well, that wraps it up there. this is breaking news tonight. president obama -- >> leave it to kimmel right? >> oh, yeah. >>> coming up next the presidential honor for one, deserving teacher today. >>> and also today, the u.s. gets a royal visit. [ male announcer ] it's simple physics... a body at rest tends to stay at rest... while a body in motion tends to stay in motion. staying active can actually ease arthritis symptoms. but if you have arthritis, staying active can be difficult. prescription celebrex can help relieve arthritis pain so your body can stay in motion. because just one 200mg celebrex a day can provide 24 hour relief for many with arthritis pain and inflammation. plus, in clinical studies, celebrex is proven to improve daily physical function so moving is easier. and celebrex is not a narcotic. when it comes to re

an appearance on "jimmy kimmel." >> i guess they're worried that the cardboard would flutter to the ground and injure ladybugs? >> reporter: even diane taking up the case on "world news." who says he wants sonali to go without him, and dance for both of them. he'll wait outside in his tux. we're rooting for you. >> reporter: over the weekend, an about-face. the hoedmaster announcing that james will be allowed to go to the prom after all, that cases like these will now be decide on a case by case basis. even the superintendent said the kids taught them a lesson. >> students are much more adept at the social networking media than we are as a school system. >> reporter: perhaps a lesson learned by the school, and james, too, who discovered that wearing his heart on his sleeve might be safer than the school wall. he did get the girl in the end. david muir, abc news, new york. >> he did get the girl in the end. school officials said, the moral of this story, don't mess with facebook. let's get back out to sam. what else do we have coming up? >>> as we settle in for the second cup of coffee -- c

here's jimmy kimmel. >> here's our president last night on live television, addressing the nation. >> thank you. may god bless you. and may god bless the united states of america. >> that wraps it up there. this is breaking news tonight. president obama, saturdaddressi nation. >> to see him do that. and maybe he didn't outwardly do it. but maybe inside. >>> coming up, rob lowe, take you've never heard him before. we'll be back with that and a lot more after local news and weather. come on back. yep, rob lowe. >> betty white, too. >> oh, yeah. true. - hey. he went to jared. - that's a peerless diamond. the ideal ideal-cut diamond. what? female announcer: if you want to create your own one-of-a-kind ring, get to jared this thursday through sunday, because you can receive get set in diamonds rewards, up to $1,000 toward a beautiful diamond setting, when you buy your diamond at jared. choose from thousands of diamonds and hundreds of settings. get up to a $1,000 reward this thursday through sunday at jared. [ male announcer ] visine-a is clinically proven to relieve all your worst ey alle

. -- kudos to jimmy kimmel live. >> i now hand this gavel and the sacred trust that goes with it to the new speaker. god bless you. [applause] >> you wish. >> have you ever watched president obama pontificating on something and just wish that somebody would challenge what he was saying, like maybe the press? courtesy of nick derossio. sergeant joe friday doing the job the mainstream media won't do. >> guarantee that the people we are watching tonight, your people areups will go up. your employers are going to load up more costs on you. potentially they are going to drop your coverage. they just can't afford it. the federal government will go bankrupt. >> you really believe that? you appear to be a moderately well-educated man. you use that highly trained intel eakt much the same as a highly sophisticated weapon. you have had the finest university teachings in the world. how do you put it to use? for the common detriment of man. for the positive of a society that made that learning possible for you. with that intelligence you can move mountains. >> what about my rights? my family's way o

our fourth offering is a quick one but kudos to its creator, abc's "jimmy kimmel live." >> i have this gavel and the sacred trust that goes with it to the new speaker. god bless you, speaker boehner. [laughter] >> you wish. you wish. now, have you ever watched president obama pontificating on something and wish someone would challenge what he was saying like maybe the press? well, courtesy of rick at bulletpeople.com here is dragnet immortal sergeant o' friday doing something the >> if we don't pass it, give the guarantee that the people we're watching tonight, your premiums will go up, your employees will load up more costs on you, they'll drop your coverage -- in terms of the cost providing to employees each and every year and the federal government will go bankrupt. >> you really believe that? you appear to be a moderately well educated man. you use that highly well trained intellect, you utilize it much as the way of a highcalsly sophisticated weapon, don't you? you have the finest education in the world. and you use it for the common detriment of man, for the disintegration of the