everything. >> and music from seal. >> jimmy: hi. i'm jimmy kimmel. and we now return you to "who wants to date a person?" brought to you by axe anarchy for him and her. two fragrances so irresistible, they will unleash an attraction chaos. now, here's your host, guillermo. [ applause ] >> hola. welcome back to "who wants to date a person?" [ applause ] anna, you smell very good. are you wearing axe anarchy or her? >> yes. >> i knew it. yeah. michael, how are you doing? >> good. >> michael, you smell good, too. are you wearing axe anarchy for him? >> yes. >> i knew it. woo. [ applause ] okay. enough chitchat. you have to make a decision. >> i pick -- michael. >> great decision. yes. [ applause ] >> jimmy: hold on a second. can we stop the music? i don't mean to be cynical. but she didn't have a choice. there was one guy for her to pick from. what kind of a game show is that? >> she could have chosen you, jimmy. but she didn't, did she? >> jimmy: i guess not. no. >> so, go back to your desk, dumb-ass. jimmy, take this. >> jimmy: thanks. >> thanks, ever

jimmy kimmel's up next. see you here tomorrow. >>> up next, on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> texas governor, rick perry, dropped out of the race this morning. he left the same way he entered it. confused and possibly a little bit drunk. >> tom arnold. >> now, i get a tweet that i didn't wash my hands. i go back -- i usually do. i usually do. >> keke palmer. >> the lady bugs are red. >> they're >>> from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight -- tom arnold. keke palmer. and music from filter. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live >> dicky: and now, this just in, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hola. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching at home. thanks for assembling peaceably here in our studio. it was another beautiful day here in hollywood. sunny, just above 60 degrees. it was warm enough to wear a t-shirt. but just cool enough for the homeless not to smell. [ laughter ] well, some people complained about the we

jimmy kimmel's next. meet you back here tomorrow. >>> up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> do you think you're going to lose the ten pounds? >> so far, i only lost two. >> i have a feeling you haven't even lost two. >> i have that feeling, too. >> cuba gooding jr. >> three kids. there's only one oscar in the house. >> sarah hyland. and >> jimmy: hi. i'm jimmy kimmel with a word about clorox. have you ever had a moment you'd like to bleach away? clorox is conducting a contest in which you have a chance to win $25,000 by sharing your most bleachable moments, while receiving real-time advice and solutions from clorox's panel of cleaning and laundry experts. here, with an only slightly exaggerated re-enactment of an actual submission we found on bleachitaway.com, the "jimmy kimmel live" players. guillermo, ya ya, and my aunt chippy. [ cheers and applause ] >> dear, clorox. my 2-year-old baby and i were recently standing in line at a grocery store. my baby was getting impatient and started moving hi

>> an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" coming up next.cccccccccc. >>> from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight -- terrence howard. thomas horn. and music from safetysuit. with cleto and the cletones. and now, the moment we've been waiting for, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> reporter: good evening. that's very nice. hi. i'm jimmy. thank you for that. for traveling from near and far. especially afar. well, that's very kind of you. i appreciate it. i'd like to wish everyone in our audience, happy national cheese lovers day. we start off with martin luther king day. and end it up with national cheese lovers day. i'm not ready to take it to the level of gorgonzola. the average american eats 31 pounds of cheese a year. to help you visualize that, we're eating a blob of cheese the size of a 3-year-old human child. speaking of human children and eating. it's also opening day today for girl scout cookie season. [ cheers and applause ] you know that worker you haven't seen since his son was selling wrapping paper, they'll be popping by your desk on mond

jimmy kimmel's up next. see you here tomorrow. >>> up next, on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> texas governor, rick perry, dropped out of the race this morning. he left the same way he entered it. confused and possibly a little bit drunk. >> tom arnold. >> now, i get a tweet that i didn't wash my hands. i go back -- i usually do. i usually do. >> keke palmer. >> the lady bugs are red. >> they're ♪ i'm feelin' subway ♪ let's go [ male announcer ] hey, capital area! are you feelin' subway®? then heat up your day with the big hot pastrami melt! it's fresh toasted and piled-high with pastrami, then topped with pickles, mustard, and cheese. head into a subway® restaurant today for this melty, mouthwatering sub! ♪ let's go >>> from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight -- tom arnold. keke palmer. and music from filter. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live >> dicky: and now, this just in, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hola. i'm

jimmy kimmel's up next. we'll see you here tomorrow. >>> tonight on jimmy -- randy jackson. dermot mulroney. and music from will hoge. >> >> jimmy: oh, hi. i'm jimmy kimmel, along with my friend yehya, enjoying two of applebee's new unbelievable, great tasting and under 550 calorie entrees. i'm having the roasted sirloin, with grilled potatoes. and yehya got what? >> i got the new sizzling asian shrimp and broccoli. it tastes -- >> jimmy: yes, he got the new sizzling asian shrimp and broccoli. blackened shrimp in a skillet full of rice and vegetables. and drizzled with a sweet and spicy sauce. right? >> right, jimmy. >> jimmy: right. big taste, big portion, big flavor. yehya, do you think you can say the words applebee's unbelievably great tasting and under 550 calories entrees in less than 15 seconds? >> applebee's -- >> jimmy: wait. start the clock. >> applebee's 500 lot calorie, ah, taste very good. >> jimmy: close enough. >> dicky: applebee's new unbelievably great tasting and under 550 calorie entrees. all of the taste, none of the trade-off. "jimmy kimmel live" back in

jimmy kimmel is up next. don't miss him. hope you have a great weekend. >>> up next, on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> what are you doing on that machine? you're working on your safe pack? >> terrence howard. >> if i did it right -- [ cheers and applause ] >> thomas horn. this week in unnecessary censorship. and music from safetysuit. >> what is oprah winfrey's favorite thing about india? >>> from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight -- terrence howard. thomas horn. and music from safetysuit. with cleto and the cletones. and now, the moment we've been waiting for, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> reporter: good evening. that's very nice. hi. i'm jimmy. thank you for that. for traveling from near and far. especially afar. well, that's very kind of you. i appreciate it. i'd like to wish everyone in our audience, happy national cheese lovers day. we start off with martin luther king day. and end it up with national cheese lovers day. i'm not ready to take it to the level of g

jimmy kimmel's next. have a great weekend. >>> tonight on jimmy kimmel live. tracy morgan. >> i'm old-school. don't mess with tracy. you might get pregnant. >> there's a lot of fighting on "jersey shore" tonight. it didn't take long for tensions to flare up. >> chris paul. >> all of the clippers fans who have been here for a long time, we're going to give them something to cheer about. so, this is delicious okay... is this where we're at now, we just eat whatever tastes good? like these sweet honey clusters... actually there's a half a day's worth of fiber in every ... why stop at cereal? bring on the pork chops and the hot fudge. fantastic. are you done sweetie? yea [ male announcer ] fiber beyond recognition. fiber one. hey, i love your ceal there-- it's got that sweet honey taste. but no way it's 80 calories, right? no way. lady, i just drive the truck. right, there's no way right, right? have a nice day. [ male announcer ] 80 delicious calories. fiber one. >> jimmy: oh, hi. with news about neebo, who is giving out textbook rentals this month. the textbooks

jimmy kimmel's next. have a great weekend. >>> tonight on jimmy kimmel live. tracy morgan. >> i'm old-school. don't mess with tracy. you might get pregnant. >> there's a lot of fighting on "jersey shore" tonight. it didn't take long for tensions to flare up. >> chris paul. >> all of the clippers fans who have been here for a long time, we're going to give them something to cheer about. ♪ when life gets busy... there are days where you want to give your immune system some support. try airborne. each serving contains 14 vitamins, minerals and herbs including zinc, echinacea, ginger, and a blast of vitamin c. it's the easy, great-tasting way to help support your immune system. try airborne. in fast-acting effervescent formula, and new super-convenient chewable tablets! >> jimmy: oh, hi. with news about neebo, who is giving out textbook rentals this month. the textbooks are expensive. something that this college student knows all-too well. >> hi. i'm guillermo. this is my house of textbooks. textbooks cost so much money, i have to live in them. >> too. >> guille

jimmy kimmel is up next. don't miss him. hope you have a great weekend. >>> up next, on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> what are you doing on that machine? you're working on your safe pack? >> terrence howard. >> if i did it right -- [ cheers and applause ] >> thomas horn. this week in unnecessary censorship. and music from safetysuit. >> what is oprah winfrey's favorite thing about india? dodoes your r cae company keep charging you more... and d more... and more? stop payg so muchfor seco. upgrade to veron fios and get tv, intern and phone for our bebest price online: just $89.99 a monthh guaranteed for two years. you save $600. go to verizon.com/greatprice to sign up now and get $300 back with a two-year contract. fios is a 0% fiber-optic network that delivers superior picture quality, more hd, plus america's fastest, most consistentt and most reliable internet. why keep paying so much for cable? switch to fios at our best ice... $89.99 a month with a two-year price guarantee. plus, get $300 back with a two-year contr

jimmy kimmel's next. have a great weekend. >>> tonight on jimmy kimmel live. tracy morgan. >> i'm old-school. don't mess with tracy. you might get pregnant. >> there's a lot of fighting on "jersey shore" tonight. it didn't take long for tensions to flare up. >> chris paul. >> all of the clippers fans who have been here for a long time, we're going to give them something to cheer about. >> jimmy: oh, hi. with news about neebo, who is giving out textbook rentals this month. the textbooks are expensive. something that this college student knows all-too well. >> hi. i'm guillermo. this is my house of textbooks. textbooks cost so much money, i have to live in them. >> too. >> guillermo, we're going for 5 cent wing night. you want to come in. >> i can't. i don't have 5 cents because i have to buy textbooks like this one. >> you should get free textbook rentals from neebo like we do. >> free textbook rental at neebo? tell me more. >> at neebo, you can use money to rent textbooks. >> and i can move to a real house. that's great news, ladies. you want to go for a swim?

jimmy kimmel's next. good night, america. >>> up next, on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> former governor, of utah, jon huntsman, has dropped out of the race for president, to return to his former job, as the guy in the picture that comes with the frame. >> katherine heigl. >> last time i came here, i wanted to wear a bikini. i thought that would be funny. >> we can probably get one. ♪ >>> from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- katherine heigl. ne-yo. and music from grouplove. with cleto and the cletones. and now, more than ever, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ jimmy kimmel live [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: okay. that's very nice. thank you. welcome. hola, my studio. and everyone to the show that is watching. thank you for being here with us. i hope you -- i'm glad you're in a good mood. hope you had a good three-day weekend. guillermo, did you have a good three-day weekend? >> yes. >> jimmy: the in-laws were visiting you, huh? >> yes. >> jimmy: guillermo has his

jimmy kimmel's next. good night, america. >>> up next, on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> former governor, of utah, jon huntsman, has dropped out of the race for president, to return to his former job, as the guy in the picture that comes with the frame. >> katherine heigl. >> last time i came here, i wanted to wear a bikini. i thought that would be funny. >> we can probably get one. so, this is delicious okay... is this where we're at now, we just eat whatever tastes good? like these sweet honey clusters... actually there's a half a day's worth of fiber in every ... why stop at cereal? bring on the pork chops and the hot fudge. fantastic. are you done sweetie? yea [ male announcer ] fiber beyond recognition. fiber one. hey, i love your ceal there-- it's got that sweet honey taste. but no way it's 80 calories, right? no way. lady, i just drive the truck. right, there's no way right, right? have a nice day. [ male announcer ] 80 delicious calories. fiber one. ♪ >>> from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel

jimmy kimmel is next. have a great weekend, everybody. >> dicky: tonight on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: debate number two takes place at the chub theater, which gives newt gingrich home field advantage. >> dicky: don cheadle. >> jimmy: kristen bell, who is on your show, i don't hit the she's getting naked. >> no, she's going to drop throw. >> jimmy: the first two minutes is hilarious and then you have to wear it the rest of the segment. >> i'm comfortable. i don't care. >> dicky: and music from boyz ii men. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a word about showtime's very funny new comedy "house of lies." the show is about a slick corporate consultant who will say just about anything to get his way. it stars don cheadle, kristen bell -- >> jimmy, no, listen. i don't know who any of those people are, okay, it sounds made up to me. the only show you need to be worried about right now is yours. >> did we get canceled? >> no, no. >> you didn't get canceled. of course not. look, i don't have time

here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. hi. thank you. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. i appreciate it. hey, it's friday night. i like to get a little crazy on friday night. why don't we line everybody up and let's do the bunny hop. what do you say? [ applause ] hop hop hop. you know, the teenagers used to do the bunny hop for fun. now they do drugs. this is good news. her man cain is back. he's planning to tour the country in a bus, which maybe sounds like his wife has kicked him out of the house. he's calling it the 9-9-9 tour. and this is exciting. this bus -- the bus's speed drops below 99.9 miles an hour, it explodes. [ applause ] i like that -- i love the idea that he's going on a bus tour. it's right out of the charlie sheen playbook, you know? i hope it's one of the buses with a stripper pole in it. i'm excited about this tour. and i hope it stops here because i saw this commercial, it looks like it's going to be very entertaining. >> fasten your seat belts. the cain train is coming to your town. and this time, it'

jimmy kimmel's next. we'll see you here tomorrow. >>> up next, on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> president obama gave his annual state of the union address tonight. and the state of the union for 2012 is kentucky. congratulations. >> elizabeth banks. >> i directed a porno. it's two girls. one's vacuuming. and one's ironing a shirt. [ laughter ] >> ben mckenzie. and music from mindless behavior. >> jimmy: hi. i'm jimmy kimmel. you caught me at a bad time. i'm about to have a meeting online, with the help of gotomeeting. first, let me get my business partner, adam carolla. hi, adam. >> hi, jimmy. if you don't mind me saying so, you look extra handsome today. >> jimmy: i don't mind you saying that at all. i guess that's h.d. video conferencing for you. let's get guillermo on the line here, too. hello, guillermo? >> hola. >> hola, guillermo. como esta? >> estoy bien. did you know with gotomeeting, is so easy, you can join a meeting with just one click? even from a mobile device? >> jimmy: oh. it almost

jimmy kimmel is next. we'll see you tomorrow. >>> up next, an all-new jimmy kimmel live. >> to me, ron paul looks like the guy who gets unhooded at the end of any scooby-doo cartoon. >> woody harrelson. >> how many times have you been in handcuffs? >> you mean when it's not recreational? >> yvonne strahovski. andnene >>> hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. the news about nebo, the outfitter who is giving away textbooks this month. textbooks are expensivexpensive. something college kids like this one, know all too well. >> hi. i'm guillermo. this is my house of textbooks. text books cost so much money, i have to live in them, too. >> hey, guillermo. we're going to shiftys for 5 cent wing night. you want to come? >> i can't. i don't have 5 cents because i have to buy textbooks like this one. >> you should get free textbook rentals from nebo like we do. >> tell me more. >> you can save money when you rent textbooks. >> wow. and then, i can move to a real house. >> yep. >> that's a great news, ladies. do you want to go for

jimmy kimmel is up next. good night, america. >> dicky: up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- tracy morgan. >> i'm old school. you mess with tracy, you might get pregnant. >> jimmy: there's a lot of fighting on "jersey shore" tonight. didn't take long for old tensions to flare up and my tensions, i mean herpes. >> dicky: chris paul. >> all the clipper fans who have been here for a long time, we're going to give them something to cheer about. >> jimmy >> jimmy: oh, hi, i'm jimmy kimmel along with my friend yehya, enjoying two of applebee's unbelievable great tasting and under 550 calorie entrees. i'm having the sirloin. and yehya got what? >> i got the new sizzling asian shrimp and broccoli. it tastes -- >> jimmy: yes, he got the new sizefuling asian shrimp and broccoli. backened shrimp in a skill let full of rice and vegetables. right? >> right, jimmy. >> jimmy: right. big taste, big portion, big flavor. yehya, do you think you can say the words applebee's unbelievably great tasting and under 550 calor

it's all about you, "jimmy kimmel live." >> jimmy: so, what are we supposed to do? fire them? two of my best friends. >> no. no one is getting fired. >> no. we're going to kill them. >> we're going to make them disappear. >> poof. they're gone. and then we pump it all over the social networks. we go to twitter, we facebook it. we myspace it. >> i'll tattoo that stuff on my sister's ankles. >> that's right. a lot of people are going to see it, jimmy. >> jimmy: i love it. let's do this. >>let's do this. >> let's do it! >> jimmy: i'm going to miss you guys. thanks. >> i'm going to miss you, too. thank you, mr. don cheadle. >> it's marty. >> thank you, marty. >> thanks, marty. yeah. >> dicky: for more advice from marty on how to manage your business, download the your genius app. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" back in two minutes with david cross, music from boyz ii men and don cheadle. ♪ [ man ] wait. this doesn't look like a new year's resolution. this looks like steak. thick, juicy, satisfying steak. this looks like anything but a resolution. [ male announcer ] appl

. >>> until then, jimmy kimmel's next. "gma" in the morning. have a great night, america. >>> up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- will arnett. >> wikipedia went down today. i can't look it up. it went black. you know what they say? once -- well. >> a new season of "american idol" premiered on the fox network. steven tyler crawled out of his coffin this morning. saw his eye shadow. now, there's six more months of karaoke. >> madeleine stowe. and comedian, dana gould. >> jimmy: hi. i'm jimmy kimmel with a reminder from genetech, the flu is highly contagious. this season, make sure you aren't that guy who spreads it around to others. hey, there, guillermo. you don't look so good. do you have the flu? >> no, jimmy. don't worry. i don't have the flu. i just feel hot and sweaty. >> jimmy: i think you might have the flu. look at the f.a.c.t.s. do you have a fever? >> yes. >> jimmy: do you have aches? >> yes. >> jimmy: do you have chills? >> yes. >> jimmy: do you have tiredness, with sudden onset? >> yes. i have all of those things. >> jimmy:

here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi. that's very fine. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. i'm glad you're in a good mood. did anybody else miss wikipedia today? wikipedia and a number of websites blocked themselves out to protest a piece of legislation that's making its way through congress right now. i'll look it up in wikipedia if it ever comes back. it's s.o.p.a. it's for the stop online piracy act, which would allow the government to come in and shut websites that violate copyright laws down, which the websites don't like. wikipedia was 1 of 7,000 websites that went black today. i was unable to see any cats dressed like hitler today. that's when you hits you the hardest. you know? i felt like i was living on "little house on the prairie." [ laughter ] but i guess the blackouts worked because it got a lot of attention. is that? or it's a well-orchestrated plot by jeeves to get people to ask him things again. i anticipated this wikipedia blackout. i've been planning this for years. so, i had guil

i've captured a >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a word from digiorno pizzas. the perfect complement to game day, as your friend guillermo is about to find out. >> finds his way into the end zone! >> football is fun to watch. the only thing that would make it better is pizza. i think i'm going to order a pizza. wow! that was fast! >> here is your pizza, handsome. >> this is amazing. i delivered myself a pizza. >> no, it's not a delivery. it's digiorno. this playoff season, play the "countdown to greatness" sweepstakes on the digiorno facebook page for a chance to win prizes each week leading up to the big game. >> ok. >> now let's eat this pizza! >> it's ok. we are like sisters. >> dicky: check out the digiorno facebook page to enter the "countdown to greatness" sweepstakes. test your skills with the flick and win game and follow the digiorno not-delivery guys. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with the guys from "jersey shore," music from mariachi el bronx and christina ricci. [ male announcer ] what makes you trust a company? wait -- scratch

and now, why wait, here's jimmy kimmel. ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. thank you very much. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of this show. thank you for watching and being here. i'll tell you what. here in our neighborhood on a good day. hollywood is abuzz today, with news of the oscar nominations which were announced this morning. did any of you get nominated? me, neither. i got up at 4:00 a.m. i spent the whole morning to call celebrities to wake them up and tell them they were nominated. [ laughter ] sorry, abigail bresmin. they can wait until brunch. almost not worth getting nominated, getting up that early. surprise nominees, including nick nolte, who was nominated for best supporting actor, for his work in the film "warrior." it's his first major nomination, since 2002, when he was nominated for most maniacal mug shot. the nominations were announced this morning by jennifer lawrence and another young, new face you might recognize. [ laughter ] >> and finally, the film nominated in the category of best pictures are -- "war

. >> dicky: tonight on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: are there any men in our audience with ponytails tonight? oh, you got to stop that. guillermo, get a pair of scissors. >> dicky: christina ricci. >> jimmy: where do you stand on ponytails for men? >> i'm against. >> jimmy: that's good. because there's not a man in this room with a ponytail. >> dicky: and the guys from "jersey shore." >> i'm single right now. >> jimmy: you're single right now? what a shock. i thought that was going to last forever. for those of you just tuning in, >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a word from digiorno pizzas. the perfect complement to game day, as your friend guillermo is about to find out. >> finds his way into the end zone! >> football is fun to watch. the only thing that would make it better is pizza. i think i'm going to order a pizza. wow! that was fast! >> here is your pizza, handsome. >> this is amazing. i delivered myself a pizza. >> no, it's not a delivery. it's digiorno. this playoff season, play the "countdown to greatness" sweepstakes on the digiorno facebook page for a c

jimmy kimmel's next. we'll see you here tomorrow. >>> up next, on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> president obama gave his annual state of the union address tonight. and the state of the union for 2012 is kentucky. congratulations. >> elizabeth banks. >> i directed a porno. it's essentially two girls. one's vacuuming. and one's ironing a shirt. >> ben mckenzie. and music from mindless behavior. >> how did peanuts get more holidays than jesus? >> a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a

jimmy kimmel's coming up next. we'll meet you back here tomorrow. >> dicky: tonight on an all new "jimmy kimmel live." >> we've wrapped guillermo in bubble wrap. we're going to drop him off the building. excited? >> no. >> dicky: kate walsh. >> this is the bomb, bomb diggity as some people say. >> jimmy: no one says that anymore. >> no? >> dicky: and music from fishbone. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. it's time for my weekly company meeting. on gotomeeting.com. i need to get my business partner, adam carolla, my security chief guillermo, and a guy i met on the street, yehya, together. there they are in glorious high def. gotomeeting.com makes you available for hd video conferencing from your computer. how's it going, guys? >> good. >> good. >> jimmy: okay. well, let me bang the gavel and we'll get started. first order of business -- we have to decide what kind of food we want to have at the company football party. yehya, what would you like? >> hummus! i like hummus. >> no! i like mexican food! >> wait a minute, g

jimmy kimmel's next. good night, america. >>> tonight, on an all-new jimmy kimmel live. meryl streep. >> have you ever been in a physical fight? >> yes. and i ripped her blouse off. >> oh. >> stephen merchant. >> i'm the only man in the world who's ever felt guilty for not paying for sex. >> and music from kina grannis. >> next month, happy meals, instead of a toy, will come with >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel, with a word about royal caribbean. when you hit the high seas royally, you can eat at great restaurants. you can get a massage. you can go dancing, surfing, even zip-lining. [ phone ringing ] excuse me. hello? >> hi, jimmy. it's the sea calling. it's been too long. >> jimmy: i know. i was just talking about you. how've you been, the sea? are you still making that shrimp i like? >> yes, millions of them. i miss you. when am i going to see you? [ phone ringing ] >> jimmy: excuse me, the sea. my aunt chippy is calling. hello? >> jimmy? this is your aunt. sometimes you just go too far. i want to kill you. i don't know what's wrong with your head? >> reporter: it sound

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be against gay rights but for >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with wipeout 2. the brand-new sequel to the video game that lets you and your family play america's craziest gameshow inside your house. time is running out. get it before january 14th. find the entry code in the game and enter it online for a chance to play a former "wipeout" contestant in a videogame tournament in which you could win a chance to compete for $50,000. >> no, no, no! you have to bounce on the ball! silly dog. >> jimmy: guillermo? >> come on, paco and pepe -- you can do it. push yourselves to the limit! >> jimmy: what are you doing, guillermo? >> oh, jimmy. i'm training my chihuahuas so they can be good at "wipeout." i hope they will get into the tournament. >> jimmy: couple things, it's videogame tournament. >> oh. >> jimmy: and secondly, i don't think chihuahuas are eligible. >> what? that is discrimination. >> jimmy: no, it isn't. >> it isn't? >> jimmy: no. >> then it is -- condensation. >> jimmy: no, not that, either. >> animation? >> jimmy: no. getting warmer. >> okay. >> jimmy: a

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live and now, by the way, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, thank you. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. welcome, everybody. i know. love is in the air tonight. can you feel it? i hope y i really do. the bachelor is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he's here to make one of you his fiance. [ laughter ] and then in six months another of you his fiance. those of you in our studio audience hasn't seen tonight's episode of "the bachelor." abc has once again managed to find a dangerously insane and/or damaged group of women. and once again trapped a seemingly nice guy named ben in a house with them and his mission is to try to get out of it alive. there's some real nuts in this bunch. i don't think at this point ben has any idea who they are. partly because they're pretty good at pretending they aren't crazy. partly because any time one of them starts to talk, he sticks his tongue down their throat. i wasn't be surprised if he makes out with me when he gets out here. i'