jimmy kimmel is next. and we'll see you here tomorrow. see you then. >>> up next, on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> our show is nine years old. if it lived in china, it would be making iphones already. >> andre agassi. >> andre, will give the children the test. and then, if they don't do well, he'll hit them with tennis balls. >> j.b. smoove. >> watch everybody. the mailman. beehives. everything. >> and music from seal. >> jimmy: hi. i'm jimmy kimmel. and we now return you to "who wants to date a person?" brought to you by axe anarchy for him and her. two fragrances so irresistible, they will unleash an attraction chaos. now, here's your host, guillermo. [ applause ] >> hola. welcome back to "who wants to date a person?" [ applause ] anna, you smell very good. are you wearing axe anarchy or her? >> yes. >> i knew it. yeah. michael, how are you doing? >> good. >> michael, you smell good, too. are you wearing axe anarchy for him? >> yes. >> i knew it. woo. [ applause ] okay. enough chitchat. you have to make a decision. >> i pick -- m

jimmy kimmel's up next. see you here tomorrow. >>> up next, on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> texas governor, rick perry, dropped out of the race this morning. he left the same way he entered it. confused and possibly a little bit drunk. >> tom arnold. >> now, i get a tweet that i didn't wash my hands. i go back -- i usually do. i usually do. >> keke palmer. >> the lady bugs are red. >> they're >>> from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight -- tom arnold. keke palmer. and music from filter. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live >> dicky: and now, this just in, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hola. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching at home. thanks for assembling peaceably here in our studio. it was another beautiful day here in hollywood. sunny, just above 60 degrees. it was warm enough to wear a t-shirt. but just cool enough for the homeless not to smell. [ laughter ] well, some people complained about the we

jimmy kimmel's next. good night, america. >>> up next, on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> former governor, of utah, jon huntsman, has dropped out of the race for president, to return to his former job, as the guy in the picture that comes with the frame. >> katherine heigl. >> last time i came here, i wanted to wear a bikini. i thought that would be funny. >> we can probably get one. ♪ >>> from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- katherine heigl. ne-yo. and music from grouplove. with cleto and the cletones. and now, more than ever, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ jimmy kimmel live [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: okay. that's very nice. thank you. welcome. hola, my studio. and everyone to the show that is watching. thank you for being here with us. i hope you -- i'm glad you're in a good mood. hope you had a good three-day weekend. guillermo, did you have a good three-day weekend? >> yes. >> jimmy: the in-laws were visiting you, huh? >> yes. >> jimmy: guillermo has his

jimmy kimmel's next. meet you back here tomorrow. >>> up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> do you think you're going to lose the ten pounds? >> so far, i only lost two. >> i have a feeling you haven't even lost two. >> i have that feeling, too. >> cuba gooding jr. >> three kids. there's only one oscar in the house. >> sarah hyland. and >> jimmy: hi. i'm jimmy kimmel with a word about clorox. have you ever had a moment you'd like to bleach away? clorox is conducting a contest in which you have a chance to win $25,000 by sharing your most bleachable moments, while receiving real-time advice and solutions from clorox's panel of cleaning and laundry experts. here, with an only slightly exaggerated re-enactment of an actual submission we found on bleachitaway.com, the "jimmy kimmel live" players. guillermo, ya ya, and my aunt chippy. [ cheers and applause ] >> dear, clorox. my 2-year-old baby and i were recently standing in line at a grocery store. my baby was getting impatient and started moving hi

jimmy kimmel's up next. see you here tomorrow. >>> up next, on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> texas governor, rick perry, dropped out of the race this morning. he left the same way he entered it. confused and possibly a little bit drunk. >> tom arnold. >> now, i get a tweet that i didn't wash my hands. i go back -- i usually do. i usually do. >> keke palmer. >> the lady bugs are red. >> they're ♪ i'm feelin' subway ♪ let's go [ male announcer ] hey, capital area! are you feelin' subway®? then heat up your day with the big hot pastrami melt! it's fresh toasted and piled-high with pastrami, then topped with pickles, mustard, and cheese. head into a subway® restaurant today for this melty, mouthwatering sub! ♪ let's go >>> from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight -- tom arnold. keke palmer. and music from filter. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live >> dicky: and now, this just in, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hola. i'm

jimmy kimmel's next. good night, america. >>> up next, on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> former governor, of utah, jon huntsman, has dropped out of the race for president, to return to his former job, as the guy in the picture that comes with the frame. >> katherine heigl. >> last time i came here, i wanted to wear a bikini. i thought that would be funny. >> we can probably get one. so, this is delicious okay... is this where we're at now, we just eat whatever tastes good? like these sweet honey clusters... actually there's a half a day's worth of fiber in every ... why stop at cereal? bring on the pork chops and the hot fudge. fantastic. are you done sweetie? yea [ male announcer ] fiber beyond recognition. fiber one. hey, i love your ceal there-- it's got that sweet honey taste. but no way it's 80 calories, right? no way. lady, i just drive the truck. right, there's no way right, right? have a nice day. [ male announcer ] 80 delicious calories. fiber one. ♪ >>> from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel

>> an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" coming up next.cccccccccc. >>> from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight -- terrence howard. thomas horn. and music from safetysuit. with cleto and the cletones. and now, the moment we've been waiting for, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> reporter: good evening. that's very nice. hi. i'm jimmy. thank you for that. for traveling from near and far. especially afar. well, that's very kind of you. i appreciate it. i'd like to wish everyone in our audience, happy national cheese lovers day. we start off with martin luther king day. and end it up with national cheese lovers day. i'm not ready to take it to the level of gorgonzola. the average american eats 31 pounds of cheese a year. to help you visualize that, we're eating a blob of cheese the size of a 3-year-old human child. speaking of human children and eating. it's also opening day today for girl scout cookie season. [ cheers and applause ] you know that worker you haven't seen since his son was selling wrapping paper, they'll be popping by your desk on mond

. >>> up next, on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> our show is nine years old. if it lived in china, it would be making iphones already. >> andre agassi. >> andre, will give the children the test. and then, if they don't do well, he'll hit them with tennis balls. >> j.b. smoove. >> i power-wash everybody. the mailman. beehives. everything. >> and music from seal. >> happy 9-9-9th anniversary. [ female announcer ] they've been off limits to dieters since time began. not anymore. fiber one is bringing brownies back. at 90 calories, the only thing between you and chocolaty brownies... ♪ ...is a nicely designed package. ♪ you can have brownies again. fiber one 90 calorie brownies. in the granola bar aisle. caramel...pretzel 90 calorie bar. ♪ >> jimmy: hi. i'm jimmy kimmel. and we now return you to "who wants to date a person?" brought to you by axe anarchy for him and her. two fragrances so irresistible, they will unleash an attraction chaos. now, here's your host, guillermo. [ applause ] >> hola. welcome back to "who wants to date a person?" [ applause ] anna

get the new "jimmy kimmel live" app and see what you've been missing. search jimmy kimmel in the itunes app store or go to jklapps.com to get it now. you've felt like this before, right? 2:30 in the afternoon, a lot to do, and you've hit the wall. but you got to get stuff done. so take 5-hour energy. just open it up, knock it back, and roll up your sleeves. 5-hour energy is faster and easier than coffee. man, does it work. you'll get that alert, energized feeling you need to get stuff done. a lot of stuff. wow. look at you go. 5-hour energy. when you gotta get stuff done. ♪ when life gets busy... there are days where you want to give your immune system some support. try airborne. each serving contains 14 vitamins, minerals and herbs including zinc, echinacea, ginger, and a blast of vitamin c. it's the easy, great-tasting way to help support your immune system. try airborne. in fast-acting effervescent formula, and new super-convenient chewable tablets! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello. welcome back. still to come on the show, will hoge will joi

get the new "jimmy kimmel live" app and see what you've been missing. search jimmy kimmel in the itunes app store or go to jklapps.com to get it now. you've felt like this before, right? 2:30 in the afternoon, a lot to do, and you've hit the wall. but you got to get stuff done. so take 5-hour energy. just open it up, knock it back, and roll up your sleeves. 5-hour energy is faster and easier than coffee. man, does it work. you'll get that alert, energized feeling you need to get stuff done. a lot of stuff. wow. look at you go. 5-hour energy. when you gotta get stuff done. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello. welcome back. still to come on the show, will hoge will join us. our next guest is a fine actor who, alongside liam neeson, battles a pack of bloodthirsty wolves in alaska with no help from sarah palin at all. [ laughter ] >> what is that? >> go, go. >> to the trees. >> go, go, go. >> they're right on us. >> jimmy: the movie is called "the grey." it opens in theaters january 27th. please say hello to dermot mulroney. [ cheers and applause ] [ ch

get the new "jimmy kimmel live" app and see what you've been missing. search jimmy kimmel in the itunes app store or go to jklapps.com to get it now. you've felt like this before, right? 2:30 in the afternoon, a lot to do, and you've hit the wall. but you got to get stuff done. so take 5-hour energy. just open it up, knock it back, and roll up your sleeves. 5-hour energy is faster and easier than coffee. man, does it work. you'll get that alert, energized feeling you need to get stuff done. a lot of stuff. wow. look at you go. 5-hour energy. when you gotta get stuff done. mom, we're dying. no you're not, you're just hungry. make some totino's pizza rolls. we don't have any! front... left, totino's. [ male announcer ] well done mom! less drama, more fun! totino's pizza rolls. guys... [ female announcer ] pillsbury cinnamon rolls with cinnabon cinnamon are an irresistible sunday morning idea. nothing calls them to the table faster. sunday morning ideas made easy. ♪ when life gets busy... there are days where you want to give your immune system some supp

jimmy kimmel is up next. don't miss him. hope you have a great weekend. >>> up next, on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> what are you doing on that machine? you're working on your safe pack? >> terrence howard. >> if i did it right -- [ cheers and applause ] >> thomas horn. this week in unnecessary censorship. and music from safetysuit. >> what is oprah winfrey's favorite thing about india? >>> from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight -- terrence howard. thomas horn. and music from safetysuit. with cleto and the cletones. and now, the moment we've been waiting for, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> reporter: good evening. that's very nice. hi. i'm jimmy. thank you for that. for traveling from near and far. especially afar. well, that's very kind of you. i appreciate it. i'd like to wish everyone in our audience, happy national cheese lovers day. we start off with martin luther king day. and end it up with national cheese lovers day. i'm not ready to take it to the level of g

jimmy kimmel's next. have a great weekend. >>> tonight on jimmy kimmel live. tracy morgan. >> i'm old-school. don't mess with tracy. you might get pregnant. >> there's a lot of fighting on "jersey shore" tonight. it didn't take long for tensions to flare up. >> chris paul. >> all of the clippers fans who have been here for a long time, we're going to give them something to cheer about. ♪ when life gets busy... there are days where you want to give your immune system some support. try airborne. each serving contains 14 vitamins, minerals and herbs including zinc, echinacea, ginger, and a blast of vitamin c. it's the easy, great-tasting way to help support your immune system. try airborne. in fast-acting effervescent formula, and new super-convenient chewable tablets! >> jimmy: oh, hi. with news about neebo, who is giving out textbook rentals this month. the textbooks are expensive. something that this college student knows all-too well. >> hi. i'm guillermo. this is my house of textbooks. textbooks cost so much money, i have to live in them. >> too. >> guille

jimmy kimmel's next. have a great weekend. >>> tonight on jimmy kimmel live. tracy morgan. >> i'm old-school. don't mess with tracy. you might get pregnant. >> there's a lot of fighting on "jersey shore" tonight. it didn't take long for tensions to flare up. >> chris paul. >> all of the clippers fans who have been here for a long time, we're going to give them something to cheer about. so, this is delicious okay... is this where we're at now, we just eat whatever tastes good? like these sweet honey clusters... actually there's a half a day's worth of fiber in every ... why stop at cereal? bring on the pork chops and the hot fudge. fantastic. are you done sweetie? yea [ male announcer ] fiber beyond recognition. fiber one. hey, i love your ceal there-- it's got that sweet honey taste. but no way it's 80 calories, right? no way. lady, i just drive the truck. right, there's no way right, right? have a nice day. [ male announcer ] 80 delicious calories. fiber one. >> jimmy: oh, hi. with news about neebo, who is giving out textbook rentals this month. the textbooks

jimmy kimmel is up next. don't miss him. hope you have a great weekend. >>> up next, on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> what are you doing on that machine? you're working on your safe pack? >> terrence howard. >> if i did it right -- [ cheers and applause ] >> thomas horn. this week in unnecessary censorship. and music from safetysuit. >> what is oprah winfrey's favorite thing about india? dodoes your r cae company keep charging you more... and d more... and more? stop payg so muchfor seco. upgrade to veron fios and get tv, intern and phone for our bebest price online: just $89.99 a monthh guaranteed for two years. you save $600. go to verizon.com/greatprice to sign up now and get $300 back with a two-year contract. fios is a 0% fiber-optic network that delivers superior picture quality, more hd, plus america's fastest, most consistentt and most reliable internet. why keep paying so much for cable? switch to fios at our best ice... $89.99 a month with a two-year price guarantee. plus, get $300 back with a two-year contr

jimmy kimmel's next. have a great weekend. >>> tonight on jimmy kimmel live. tracy morgan. >> i'm old-school. don't mess with tracy. you might get pregnant. >> there's a lot of fighting on "jersey shore" tonight. it didn't take long for tensions to flare up. >> chris paul. >> all of the clippers fans who have been here for a long time, we're going to give them something to cheer about. >> jimmy: oh, hi. with news about neebo, who is giving out textbook rentals this month. the textbooks are expensive. something that this college student knows all-too well. >> hi. i'm guillermo. this is my house of textbooks. textbooks cost so much money, i have to live in them. >> too. >> guillermo, we're going for 5 cent wing night. you want to come in. >> i can't. i don't have 5 cents because i have to buy textbooks like this one. >> you should get free textbook rentals from neebo like we do. >> free textbook rental at neebo? tell me more. >> at neebo, you can use money to rent textbooks. >> and i can move to a real house. that's great news, ladies. you want to go for a swim?

jimmy kimmel is next. have a great weekend, everybody. >> dicky: tonight on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: debate number two takes place at the chub theater, which gives newt gingrich home field advantage. >> dicky: don cheadle. >> jimmy: kristen bell, who is on your show, i don't hit the she's getting naked. >> no, she's going to drop throw. >> jimmy: the first two minutes is hilarious and then you have to wear it the rest of the segment. >> i'm comfortable. i don't care. >> dicky: and music from boyz ii men. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a word about showtime's very funny new comedy "house of lies." the show is about a slick corporate consultant who will say just about anything to get his way. it stars don cheadle, kristen bell -- >> jimmy, no, listen. i don't know who any of those people are, okay, it sounds made up to me. the only show you need to be worried about right now is yours. >> did we get canceled? >> no, no. >> you didn't get canceled. of course not. look, i don't have time

jimmy kimmel's next. we'll see you here tomorrow. >>> up next, on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> president obama gave his annual state of the union address tonight. and the state of the union for 2012 is kentucky. congratulations. >> elizabeth banks. >> i directed a porno. it's two girls. one's vacuuming. and one's ironing a shirt. [ laughter ] >> ben mckenzie. and music from mindless behavior. >> jimmy: hi. i'm jimmy kimmel. you caught me at a bad time. i'm about to have a meeting online, with the help of gotomeeting. first, let me get my business partner, adam carolla. hi, adam. >> hi, jimmy. if you don't mind me saying so, you look extra handsome today. >> jimmy: i don't mind you saying that at all. i guess that's h.d. video conferencing for you. let's get guillermo on the line here, too. hello, guillermo? >> hola. >> hola, guillermo. como esta? >> estoy bien. did you know with gotomeeting, is so easy, you can join a meeting with just one click? even from a mobile device? >> jimmy: oh. it almost

jimmy kimmel is next. we'll see you tomorrow. >>> up next, an all-new jimmy kimmel live. >> to me, ron paul looks like the guy who gets unhooded at the end of any scooby-doo cartoon. >> woody harrelson. >> how many times have you been in handcuffs? >> you mean when it's not recreational? >> yvonne strahovski. andnene >>> hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. the news about nebo, the outfitter who is giving away textbooks this month. textbooks are expensivexpensive. something college kids like this one, know all too well. >> hi. i'm guillermo. this is my house of textbooks. text books cost so much money, i have to live in them, too. >> hey, guillermo. we're going to shiftys for 5 cent wing night. you want to come? >> i can't. i don't have 5 cents because i have to buy textbooks like this one. >> you should get free textbook rentals from nebo like we do. >> tell me more. >> you can save money when you rent textbooks. >> wow. and then, i can move to a real house. >> yep. >> that's a great news, ladies. do you want to go for

here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. hi. thank you. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. i appreciate it. hey, it's friday night. i like to get a little crazy on friday night. why don't we line everybody up and let's do the bunny hop. what do you say? [ applause ] hop hop hop. you know, the teenagers used to do the bunny hop for fun. now they do drugs. this is good news. her man cain is back. he's planning to tour the country in a bus, which maybe sounds like his wife has kicked him out of the house. he's calling it the 9-9-9 tour. and this is exciting. this bus -- the bus's speed drops below 99.9 miles an hour, it explodes. [ applause ] i like that -- i love the idea that he's going on a bus tour. it's right out of the charlie sheen playbook, you know? i hope it's one of the buses with a stripper pole in it. i'm excited about this tour. and i hope it stops here because i saw this commercial, it looks like it's going to be very entertaining. >> fasten your seat belts. the cain train is coming to your town. and this time, it'

jimmy kimmel is up next. good night, america. >> dicky: up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- tracy morgan. >> i'm old school. you mess with tracy, you might get pregnant. >> jimmy: there's a lot of fighting on "jersey shore" tonight. didn't take long for old tensions to flare up and my tensions, i mean herpes. >> dicky: chris paul. >> all the clipper fans who have been here for a long time, we're going to give them something to cheer about. >> jimmy >> jimmy: oh, hi, i'm jimmy kimmel along with my friend yehya, enjoying two of applebee's unbelievable great tasting and under 550 calorie entrees. i'm having the sirloin. and yehya got what? >> i got the new sizzling asian shrimp and broccoli. it tastes -- >> jimmy: yes, he got the new sizefuling asian shrimp and broccoli. backened shrimp in a skill let full of rice and vegetables. right? >> right, jimmy. >> jimmy: right. big taste, big portion, big flavor. yehya, do you think you can say the words applebee's unbelievably great tasting and under 550 calor

. >>> until then, jimmy kimmel's next. "gma" in the morning. have a great night, america. >>> up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- will arnett. >> wikipedia went down today. i can't look it up. it went black. you know what they say? once -- well. >> a new season of "american idol" premiered on the fox network. steven tyler crawled out of his coffin this morning. saw his eye shadow. now, there's six more months of karaoke. >> madeleine stowe. and comedian, dana gould. >> jimmy: hi. i'm jimmy kimmel with a reminder from genetech, the flu is highly contagious. this season, make sure you aren't that guy who spreads it around to others. hey, there, guillermo. you don't look so good. do you have the flu? >> no, jimmy. don't worry. i don't have the flu. i just feel hot and sweaty. >> jimmy: i think you might have the flu. look at the f.a.c.t.s. do you have a fever? >> yes. >> jimmy: do you have aches? >> yes. >> jimmy: do you have chills? >> yes. >> jimmy: do you have tiredness, with sudden onset? >> yes. i have all of those things. >> jimmy:

and now, why wait, here's jimmy kimmel. ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. thank you very much. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of this show. thank you for watching and being here. i'll tell you what. here in our neighborhood on a good day. hollywood is abuzz today, with news of the oscar nominations which were announced this morning. did any of you get nominated? me, neither. i got up at 4:00 a.m. i spent the whole morning to call celebrities to wake them up and tell them they were nominated. [ laughter ] sorry, abigail bresmin. they can wait until brunch. almost not worth getting nominated, getting up that early. surprise nominees, including nick nolte, who was nominated for best supporting actor, for his work in the film "warrior." it's his first major nomination, since 2002, when he was nominated for most maniacal mug shot. the nominations were announced this morning by jennifer lawrence and another young, new face you might recognize. [ laughter ] >> and finally, the film nominated in the category of best pictures are -- "war

jimmy kimmel's next. good night, america. >>> tonight, on an all-new jimmy kimmel live. meryl streep. >> have you ever been in a physical fight? >> yes. and i ripped her blouse off. >> oh. >> stephen merchant. >> i'm the only man in the world who's ever felt guilty for not paying for sex. >> and music from kina grannis. >> next month, happy meals, instead of a toy, will come with >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel, with a word about royal caribbean. when you hit the high seas royally, you can eat at great restaurants. you can get a massage. you can go dancing, surfing, even zip-lining. [ phone ringing ] excuse me. hello? >> hi, jimmy. it's the sea calling. it's been too long. >> jimmy: i know. i was just talking about you. how've you been, the sea? are you still making that shrimp i like? >> yes, millions of them. i miss you. when am i going to see you? [ phone ringing ] >> jimmy: excuse me, the sea. my aunt chippy is calling. hello? >> jimmy? this is your aunt. sometimes you just go too far. i want to kill you. i don't know what's wrong with your head? >> reporter: it sound

jimmy kimmel's next. good night, america. >>> tonight, on an all-new jimmy kimmel live. meryl streep. >> have you ever been in a physical fight? >> yes. and i ripped her blouse off. >> oh. >> stephen merchant. >> i'm the only man in the world who's ever felt guilty for not paying for sex. >> and music from kina grannis. >> next month, happy meals, instead of a toy, will come with whee wheeeeeeeeeeeee! wheeeeeeeeeeee! whee whee wheeeeeeeeeeee-he-he-heeeeee! whee whee wheeeeeeeeeeee! pure adrenaline. whee whee wheeeeeeeeeeee! everything you love about geico, now mobile. download the new geico app today. whee wheeeeeeeeeeee-he-he-heeeeee! ♪ [ male announcer ] combine a pnc cashbuilder visa credit card with a pnc performance select checking account and get up to 1.75% cash back for just about every purchase. learn more and apply today at pnc.com/cashbuilder. pnc bank. for the achiever in you. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel, with a word about royal caribbean. when you hit the high seas royally, you can eat at great restaurants. you can get a massage. you can go dancing, sur

jimmy kimmel's next. we'll see you here tomorrow. >>> up next, on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> president obama gave his annual state of the union address tonight. and the state of the union for 2012 is kentucky. congratulations. >> elizabeth banks. >> i directed a porno. it's essentially two girls. one's vacuuming. and one's ironing a shirt. >> ben mckenzie. and music from mindless behavior. >> how did peanuts get more holidays than jesus? >> a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a

and now, for the first time this year, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, hi there. thank you. i appreciate that. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. i wish each of you a happy new year. 2012 is here. i had a feeling it would be. [ laughter ] do people still make new year's resolutions? i feel like the advent of the triple double oreo put an end to those but i could be wrong. my resolution this year is to do everything i can to help kim kardashian finally find love. [ laughter ] and to learn to smoke. [ laughter ] those are my two. did anyone here watch the ball drop in times skwaur on new year's eve on television? don't tell me what happened. i have it on tivo. this is pretty funny. i guess they have a big thing in pakistan to ring in the new year. similar to what we have. and i'm not sure if this guy is their dick clark or ryan seacrest, but he had very little tolerance for any nonsense going on behind him. [ speaking foreign language ] >> jimmy: that's -- let's look at th

jimmy kimmel's coming up next. we'll meet you back here tomorrow. >> dicky: tonight on an all new "jimmy kimmel live." >> we've wrapped guillermo in bubble wrap. we're going to drop him off the building. excited? >> no. >> dicky: kate walsh. >> this is the bomb, bomb diggity as some people say. >> jimmy: no one says that anymore. >> no? >> dicky: and music from fishbone. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. it's time for my weekly company meeting. on gotomeeting.com. i need to get my business partner, adam carolla, my security chief guillermo, and a guy i met on the street, yehya, together. there they are in glorious high def. gotomeeting.com makes you available for hd video conferencing from your computer. how's it going, guys? >> good. >> good. >> jimmy: okay. well, let me bang the gavel and we'll get started. first order of business -- we have to decide what kind of food we want to have at the company football party. yehya, what would you like? >> hummus! i like hummus. >> no! i like mexican food! >> wait a minute, g

and now, in the blink of an eye, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, thank you. i appreciate it. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for visiting us here. i hope you're in a good mood tonight. you know, they say yesterday, the day people go back to work after the holidays was the most depressing day of the year. funny thing. people who don't have jobs are depressed because they don't have one and those of us who do are depressed that we do. [ laughter ] what a fun country we're in. did any of you watch the republican caucus last night in iowa? a caucus, in case you don't know, is primarily something beavis and butt head say to each other to make each other laugh. after 16 debates and countless hours of competition. last night, republicans in iowa voted and let me be the first to say, it was a horse race. >> as long as they keep this horse race going. >> a real horse race. >> talk about the horse race. >> it appears to be a horse race. >> i think this

>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with wipeout 2. the brand-new sequel to the video game that lets you and your family play america's craziest gameshow inside your house. time is running out. get it before january 14th. find the entry code in the game and enter it online for a chance to play a former "wipeout" contestant in a videogame tournament in which you could win a chance to compete for $50,000. >> no, no, no! you have to bounce on the ball! silly dog. >> jimmy: guillermo? >> come on, paco and pepe -- you can do it. push yourselves to the limit! >> jimmy: what are you doing, guillermo? >> oh, jimmy. i'm training my chihuahuas so they can be good at "wipeout." i hope they will get into the tournament. >> jimmy: couple things, it's videogame tournament. >> oh. >> jimmy: and secondly, i don't think chihuahuas are eligible. >> what? that is discrimination. >> jimmy: no, it isn't. >> it isn't? >> jimmy: no. >> then it is -- condensation. >> jimmy: no, not that, either. >> animation? >> jimmy: no. getting warmer. >> okay. >> jimmy: a

here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ jimmy kimmel live [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for coming. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you, thank you for watching at home. i appreciate that. keep -- keep clapping because it blows the smell of donkey that way. i had a donkey in the studio. hey, it's been really cold here in southern california. we've had near record-setting low temperatures over the last few days and wind too. there was a windstorm last wednesday night. those of you who are here know it was pretty intense. some people still don't have power back. more than 2,000 homes had electricity last week -- for a whole week, they haven't had electricity, which means they are unable to watch this show, which means once again i am the victim of this. [ laughter ] i try to make everything about myself. [ applause ] that's who i feel worse for, me. besides me, the hardest hit by the power outages are homeowners in pasadena. and altadena which are very close to here. the residents there are fed up with the power company because many of them feel like their concerns aren't even being hea

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live and now, by the way, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, thank you. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. welcome, everybody. i know. love is in the air tonight. can you feel it? i hope y i really do. the bachelor is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he's here to make one of you his fiance. [ laughter ] and then in six months another of you his fiance. those of you in our studio audience hasn't seen tonight's episode of "the bachelor." abc has once again managed to find a dangerously insane and/or damaged group of women. and once again trapped a seemingly nice guy named ben in a house with them and his mission is to try to get out of it alive. there's some real nuts in this bunch. i don't think at this point ben has any idea who they are. partly because they're pretty good at pretending they aren't crazy. partly because any time one of them starts to talk, he sticks his tongue down their throat. i wasn't be surprised if he makes out with me when he gets out here. i'