>> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: i'm your host, steve higgins. the rules of the game are very simple. i will give each of you a password. then each of you are to give a one-word clue. one word only to your partner to guess the password. the scoring starts at 6. we take away a point each time the clue passes. >> steve: you have five seconds to get each time. and remember, no part or form of the word can be used. if a clue's deemed illegal by our judges, you'll hear -- [ buzzer ] and then you'll forfeit the turn. >> jimmy: all right. >> steve: team with the most points wins. any questions? great. >> jimmy: yeah. i had a question. >> steve: joan, why don't you start? >> okay, how do you open it? that's my first question. [ laughter ] oh, great. >> i am the most competitive person. >> oh, this is easy. >> the password is -- >> can i say a name? >> jimmy: yeah, one word. >> steve: one word, though. >> winona. [ laughter ] >> shoplifter. >> jimmy: oh! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: what? >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> easy. >> steve: oh, my gosh. >>

. >> steve: oh! >> jimmy: i don't even know what that means. >> steve: i think it means santa -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? >> steve: what else could -- >> jimmy: that's my grandmother! that's my grandmother you're talking about. >> steve: i don't think it was really santa nor reindeer. >> jimmy: what happened? >> steve: i think there's been foul play. >> jimmy: foul play? >> steve: i think it was foul play involved. >> jimmy: all right, you guys. let's get our first guest out here. he is the head writer of "saturday night live" and the anchor of "weekend update." we love him. on new year's eve he'll be performing standup at the borgata in atlantic city. please welcome seth meyers! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> how are you, buddy? >> jimmy: i love you, man. how you doing? nice to see you again. >> it's great to be with you. we've been seeing so much of each other. >> jimmy: i mean, i just hung out with you for a whole week. it was great. it was super fun. thank you for having me at "saturday night

. >> steve: what do you mean? >> jimmy: you didn't hear this? >> steve: hear what? >> jimmy: my grandmother got run over by a reindeer. [ laughter ] >> steve: when? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she was walking home from our house. she lives like three blocks away. >> steve: yeah, yeah, yeah. i know you were getting together with her christmas eve, right? >> jimmy: yeah, it was christmas eve. and i think she forgot her medication or something like that, and she was wasted on nog. [ laughter ] and she went out there -- we just thought it was fine. >> steve: right. >> jimmy: christmas morning wake up, we're opening the presents, the kids are all laughing and having a good time. >> steve: right. >> jimmy: and i go outside and there she was. [ laughter ] >> steve: she got run over by a reindeer? >> jimmy: i don't know. she had hoof prints. [ laughter ] her face -- >> steve: disfigured. >> jimmy: -- her face was disfigured by -- hoof marks. >> steve: what about her back? >> jimmy: she was -- [ laughter ] interesting, she was topless. [ laughter ] and there were -- marks on her

>> steve: i think it is. i think it was one of the new words of the year. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: bonerless. >> jimmy: we're down to our last one here. >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: it says, "life gave you lemons." on the inside, it says, "and you made them into two gigantic melons." [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: yeah, there we go. >> jimmy: that's all the time we have here for "late night" e-cards. stick around, everybody. we'll come back with "karate pinata." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] next time, try a subway turkey blt or a fresh fit turkey melt, merely 7 grams of fat each. subway. eat fresh. was that cinnamon you put in the dessert? yeah. little dash of nutmeg too. wonderful spice... nutmeg is. as spices go, i find nutmeg to be underutilized. mmm, nutmeg. [ female announcer ] k-y brand intense. with just a few drops, this unique, scientifically proven formula increases a woman's sensitivity making her big moment feel even bigger. learn more at intenseeffect.com. no, i wouldn't use

. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: and you're holding a sub? >> steve: yeah. a sub. and i could have mounted them on the wall. >> jimmy: but they were -- you never fit in those pants. >> steve: no, no, no. those pants are like -- >> jimmy: yeah. no -- >> steve: for somebody who weighs 600 pounds. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> steve: but they don't know that. >> jimmy: exactly, yeah. so, you just walk around and go like, "hey, dude? great party." >> steve: they go, "what a fat guy." "well, yeah, but he just lost 300 pounds." and you go, "oh, wow. good for you." >> jimmy: i like it, man. [ light laughter ] >> steve: gets you a lot of free subs. >> jimmy: yeah, i go, "have you met my friend, most definitely?" [ laughter ] >> steve: hey! [ scattered applause ] >> jimmy: and finally -- pro -- my new year's resolution is to drink less beer. con -- vodka, here i come! [ cheers and applause ] that's the "pros and cons." we'll be right back with more "late night," everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ pros and cons and pros cons and pros ♪ ♪ [ ding ] dirty mouth, huh? what ha

>> steve: yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: okay. >> steve: michael. well, you know. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, huntsman dropped out after finishing third in new hampshire. or as people standing near rick perry put it -- [ clears throat ]. [ light laughter ] >> steve: hint. >> jimmy: did you guys see this? during a campaign event on saturday, mitt romney reached into his pocket and gave cash to a woman who said she was broke. which got awkward, when she was like, "i'm also lonely." [ laughter ] what? in tv news, last night, brad pitt and angelina jolie were presenters at the "golden globe awards." of course, they only showed up because they thought it was the "kids choice awards." [ laughter ] "have it. have it. have it. need -- want it. need it. have it. [ laughter ] i'll take that one." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] come on, anyway. get this. a high school in new york is monitoring the physical fitness of overweight students by giving them electronic wristbands. i don't know, man. if there's one thing you don't want to monitor for activity,

>> steve: sports games? [ in nerdy voice ] >> jimmy: "yeah, watching the sports games together." [ laughter ] "throw in the inflatable ball. one man catches while another man throws it to another man." >> steve: "and then they'll retrieve it from the other end and try to manually take it down the field, which i believe is 100 meters." >> jimmy: "yeah, and in return, getting seven victory points." [ laughter ] >> steve: "do they roll a 20-sided dice during this event or no?" >> jimmy: "i certainly do." [ light laughter ] >> steve: "how many hits --" >> jimmy: we've got thousands of tweets, you guys. >> steve: about sports games. >> jimmy: about sports games. >> steve: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, that writer has nothing -- no idea about sports. [ light laughter ] in fact, within ten minutes it became a trending topic in the united states, you guys, which is awesome. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for sending in those tweets! so, now, let's check out some of my favorite game day superstitions fr

>> steve: uh-oh. >> oh boy, oh boy. >> steve: this is not a good one. >> he's good at this. >> steve: this is not a good one. >> jimmy: ready? >> steve: i -- wait. now. >> jimmy: not doing anything yet. ready? >> steve: yes. movie. three words. first word. [ laughter ] rock. rock roll. rock, dance. dance. third word. [ laughter ] "dances with wolves." >> jimmy: yes! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> dolly: i go next. >> jimmy: yeah, you go after that. audience, help her out. what number should she pick? [ cheers and applause ] >> dolly: three? i'll take three. >> jimmy: three is good. >> dolly: okay. >> jimmy: i know, i'm sorry. i know. >> dolly: okay, so -- >> tv. three words. >> dolly: mm-hmm. >> me and you. you and i. two. brake your ass in two. [ laughter ] break. to break and pour -- >> jimmy: tv show two. >> tv show two. two, okay. second word? first word? >> jimmy: first word is two. >> first word is two. >> steve: second word is -- >> two break. >> jimmy: not a whole but a -- too broke for tv. [ laughter ] too broke for me. [ applause ] [ buzzer ] ♪ >> jimmy: that was great. th

the other thing that is interesting talking about steve wozniak and steve jobs and those things is steve jobs had the passion of an artist to have end to end control. hardware, integrated with software, don't open it up. woz was much more open. license out the software but on the apple ii it had a slot. you could check into it. you could open it up. you could get to the circuit board. steve jobs was against having slots. he wanted as an artist would, wouldn't want bob dylan saying let's have and work opens force on the lyrics for everyone to put words in. he didn't like people jacking and opening up. woz insists he wants the apple ii have these lots but mcintosh doesn't. mcintosh doesn't have screws you can use to open it up and that was very steve jobs-like. all the way through his career really believing in tightly controlling like the gardens of kyoto that he loved to visit, carefully curated, carefully tended by one artist's sensibility. >> let's move to the macintosh era. so much is going on, so much growth. his personal courtship of john scully begins. talk a little bit about that.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: i'm your host, steve higgins. the rules of the game are very simple. i will give each of you a password then each of you are to a one word -- one word -- one word clue only to your partner to get that password. >> jimmy: come again? >> steve: one word only. >> jimmy: okay. >> steve: not two words. not three words. one word. >> jimmy: oh, gotcha, gotcha. >> steve: scoring starts at six. take a point away each time the clue passes. five seconds each time and remember, no part or form of the password can be used. so don't cheat, jimmy. if a clue is illegal as determined by our judges, you will hear this -- [ buzzer ] and you will forfeit the turn. the team with the most points after six wins. any questions? >> jimmy: well -- >> steve: okay, great. >> jimmy: i was just wondering -- >> steve: first clue goes to tina and jimmy -- >> announcer: the password is -- >> steve: tina, we're gonna start with you. >> okay. cocoon. >> caterpillar. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: nice! >> jimmy: what do you mean, "cocoon, caterp

>> steve: i did. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> steve: i was the rose. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] it was a good performance by you. you milked it a little bit. [ laughter ] >> steve: i like to keep abreast of those things, you know. there was a chest in the movie. >> jimmy: there was. >> steve: a magical chest. >> jimmy: here we are. we're going tit for tat. [ laughter ] >> steve: i feel like a boob. >> jimmy: you do. you feel like it -- that was a slogan on the poster, wasn't it? >> steve: yeah, it was, "i feel like a boob." >> jimmy: i feel like a boob. >> steve: with a gloved hand. >> jimmy: this one is from @ibkoz. he says, "i thought i texted my girlfriend want to take a nap later? upon second look, i texted my college baseball coach." [ audience ohs ] "sure, just name the time and the place. let's do this. i'll bring my snuggie." >> steve: in the dugout. >> jimmy: this one is from @morganfaith10. she says, "meant to text my dad, 'going to pick up sid'. phone changes to going to pick up std." [ laughter ] oh, that's good. you going to pick up sid afterwards? >> steve: yeah. well, he

>> steve: yeah! >> jimmy: burn notice! >> steve: boom, boom! you'd better get some butter. >> jimmy: she gave him a burn notice. oh, i love it. >> steve: oh man. >> jimmy: "this is why you're single." >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: masturbateicus by myselficus, upstairsicus. [ laughter ] >> steve: go down to the basementicus. oh my god. i love that mom. >> jimmy: this one's from @smashley. her mom said, "go early to get it. these are really, really popular hams." [ laughter ] she -- that one. i love that one. "you'd better get early. these are -- these are -- these are real, real, popular hams. [ light laughter ] real popular." >> steve: make sure you get -- >> jimmy: pepper spraying. yeah, oh, yeah. this one's from @garbagegalpal. she says, "brother and i smoke pot and started playing clue. mom figured us out and said i think it was 'the professor pot in the basement with the bong.'" [ laughter ] >> steve: yay mom! >> jimmy: i know what's going on with you two. >> steve: you two are 47 years old. >> jimmy: "it was professor pot with the weed --" >>

>> steve: i think it is. i think it was one of the new words of the year. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: bonerless. >> jimmy: we're down to our last one here. >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: it says, "life gave you lemons." [ laughter ] on the inside, it says, "and you made them into two gigantic melons." [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: yeah, there we go. >> jimmy: that's all the time we have here for "late night" e-cards. stick around, everybody. we'll come back with "karate pinata." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ when a sore throat strikes, the pain can leave you feeling dreadful. and all you want is for it to go away. cepacol works fast and gives powerful sore throat relief. that's because the numbing medicine in cepacol is the maximum strength you can get without a prescription. and it stays there after the lozenge has gone. tame your painful sore throat with cepacol. who's she? downy unstopables. here to shake up your fresh. toss these little scent boosters in before you wash. and the fresh scent will last until you'r

> steve: yeah. odd. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: pro -- "american idol" has produced some of the biggest superstars over the last decade. con -- like that girl who won it and that other dude who won it that other year. [ laughter ] >> steve: you loved that one guy. >> jimmy: that one guy had that one song. >> steve: oh, my god. out of this world. >> jimmy: remember that? >> steve: oh, my god. >> jimmy: it was the best, and they had -- how'd it go? it was like -- [ singing off key ] [ laughter ] ♪ had a -- had an amazing ♪ >> steve: oh, my god. i loved it. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. it was so good. [ laughter ] >> steve: that was the best. >> jimmy: that was probably the best. [ laughter ] pro -- this season will feature a new competition round called the performance challenge. >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: con -- i used to get that with my college girlfriend whenever i drank whiskey. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: oh, never mind. got it. [ applause ] hmm, boy. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: pro -- this is th

>> steve: what is that? >> jimmy: we're not sure if we should open up the gifts or send them back. >> steve: really? [ light laughter ] oh my god, that's horrible. i'm so sorry. >> jimmy: yeah, no problem. hey, i just want to say happy birthday to chinese president hu jintao. he turned 69 years old today. obama got him this really beautiful clock. take a look at this. isn't that nice? >> steve: aww. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: beautiful. beautiful present -- yeah, it's really nice. here's an election update. in a new interview, new jersey governor, chris christie -- we love chris christie -- he said -- he advised mitt romney to be edgier and bolder. or, as romney put it, "good bye black socks, hello blue socks! [ laughter ] oh yeah. they don't match." some sports news -- the ncaa announced that ohio state will be banned from bowl games for a year because of a bribery scandal involving players. then penn state was like, "wait, but we're still okay? [ laughter ] okay, i guess." hey, listen to this -- i heard that j