jon! (cheers and applause) >> jon: it's jon ronson, everybody! (cheers and applause) so you have been publicly seemed. -- shamed. jon ronson, you are a man about town, the most interesting man in the world. what do you know about being publicly shamed? >> i used to be a keen shamer. >> jon: you were a shamer? i was a shamer for a while. >> jon: you shamed others? yes. one time i accidentally typed my name into google and discovered there was another jon ronson on twitter with my name and my face, and as i looked in surprise at its time line, he tweeted, going home, got to get a recipe for a huge plate of mutton in a bath of mayonnaise hashtag yummy! >> jon: and that was not you. no, i was, like, who are you? he said, i'm dreaming about time and (bleep). they were following me in -- people in real life were following me who were wondering why i was bash nat at fusion cooking and dreaming of (bleep). if i dream of (bleep) i tend to keep it to myself! >> jon: can you tell you though, that is your famous english reserve. >> anyway, i discovered acade

think about it, jon. what would you have said a week ago if i'd asked you what it would take to save the publishing industry? >> jon: i don't know, a comet knocking out the internet? newspapers printed on belgian chocolate? >> jon: great ideas. but not as good as "angry jews." >> jon: really one of the better iphone games i've played. (applause) >> assif: those ads cost $150,000 apiece. >> jon: how can two ads save the print industry? >> assif: it started as two adds but like all conflicts involving israel, this fight has spilled out to occupy all available space in the area. anti-netanyahu groups bought out the front page to have the food section. >> jon: i see what they did there. >> assif: then the pro-bibi lobby struck out with this page in the vow section. >> jon: wow! i want to hate that couple but i strangely envy the heart-warming, quirky way they met. >> assif: yeah. >> jon: i can't believe it. >> assif: that's when the fight spilled over into the masthead. >> jon: the masthead is supposed to be

>> jon: man! ( laughter ) ( applause ) i just thought it was-- i-- >> all those things happened. ( laughter ) but when you come on a will ferrell joint... ( laughter ) you got an, you know you're going to crack a bunch of eggs to make anomlet, yeah. >> jon: there was one thing. >> did he say -- >> let me just-- let me just-- it's probably nothing. very quickly. he at least had his clothes on. i'm assuming eye moon. >> on the set? in my experience? no his ( bleep ) is out all the time, all the time. >> jon: you know what's so funny. it is out all the time but most people don't usually notice. ( laughter ) ( applause ) a master craftsman. >> jon: will let me tell you something, i have appreciated you all these-- ( laughter ) i am somewhat intimidated that anyone could get that shade of white. ( laughter ) >> it continues too. >> jon: now we have to re-white balance all the cameras. >> one just snapped in half. >> jon: just went-- in the theaters on-- >> march 27. >> jon: 27, and i hope this isn't th

>> jon: welcome to "the daily show." i'm jon stewart. we have a very good program for you this evening. my guest tonight, amanda seyfried. (cheers and applause) but first, i know there's been a lot of talk about what i'm going to do after this show. "will jon return to male modeling? i used to make model airplanes. (laughter) or perhaps shall i fulfill my destiny as the star child? (laughter) wow. first time i saw that one. all options i've considered and discarded because today i'd like to officially announced that i'm hosting a new show for c-span called "hate watch with jon stewart." (cheers and applause) here's a sneak preview. >> coming up next on c-span jon stewart looks at congress in c-span's new show, "hatewatch." then at 11:30 p.m., on book tv author michio discusses the challenges of writing a memoir when there's a bee trapped in your office. >> hi, everybody. welcome to "hatewatch" on c-span 2, i'm jon stewart. why don't we take a look today and see what the congress is up to. >> a bipartisan bill to provide assistance to hum

>> jon: (bleep) -- well it's not my fault. >> jon: my wife is from philadelphia. >> too bad. >> jon: no, it's not! it is a great city. >> jon: thanks. brotherly love. >> jon: well, you grew up in pennsylvania. did you follow the sports? were you an's also or phillies fan? >> none. >> jon: do you have a relatives because the huge dividing of jersey is if you're from northern jersey or central jersey you're all new york teams. if you are south of that, you're all philly teams and so the bar i worked at was just fist fights. >> i mean, it's exciting to have that much passion for a team -- but really, at the end of the day -- (laughter) >> jon: may i follow your statement to its conclusion? at the end of the day who really gives a (bleep). (laughter) can you tell you something? i've never had it broken down to me like that before. >> great! >> jon: you could have saved me a good 50 years of my life. >> really? >> jon: i was obsessed with that stuff. is that why you had time to develop talent? >> i -- maybe. but i think it's also because i hate to -- i'm a girl i'm a lady. i like to craft

is jon stewart. got a good show for you tonight. one of the friends of the program, kevin hart will be joining us in just a little bit. we love that man. dheers plaus. >> jon: but first, we have a little bit of revenues out of congress, illinois congressman and doingie houser want a be aaron schock famous for his downton abbey style office and pimped out instagram feed has come to a decision. >> congressman aaron schock is resigning from congress. >> i do this with a heavy heart. >> he said the constant questions over the last six weeks have proven a great distraction from has made it too difficult for me to serve the people of the 18th district with the high standards they deserve which i have set for myself. >> jon: really, really really? the constant scandal questions are too much of a distraction. not the zip lining through a rainforest or parasailing in argentina or chilling with buddhist monks in myanmar. you served three terms in congress while apparently also competing on the amazing race. bu

you know who i feel bad for. >> jon: no. >> the interns. >> jon: what? >> yeah, they were living the good life jon. and now there's no more roman candles out of cupcake boo b's. what do they have left? >> jon: so he doesn't take interns to concerts they still get college credit and a resume boost the typical nerdy aspirations that makes congressan-- al -- >> boring. with wants that after you felt the thrill of the schocker! >> jon: i don't-- pretty sure that's not the schocker. or-- well okay. okay. point is-- i understand. okay. can't those interns transfer to another congressional office? wouldn't that -- >> yeah that's going to look great on instagram. here mi with representative sensenbrenner when he reads the bill i just photocopied for him. do you know how many likes that's going to get? >> jon: no. >> zero. no kid deserves zero likes. >> jon: you know hasan i really think they'll be fine. >> they will they will be fine. because you can make a real difference in the life of a former aaron schock intern. i started a trip did -- trip starter to send

my name is jon stewart. our guest tonight is the great robert smigel will be joining us on tonight's program. [applause] now, earlier tonight after this taping but before the airing of this program, i was on monday night raw, which is the wres whring -- wrestling to fulfill a feud, a very powerful feud i'm having with a wrestler. so tonight i got in the ring with professional seth wallen so i can only assume this is a before picture. by the time you see this, i will have been royally [bleep] because i'm an old man who has no business doing any of this. [laughter] now you may remember back when democrats controlled the senate, the republicans controlled the house of representatives, nothing got done. grid block ruledgrid lock ruled the day. but after the republicans red wedding'd the droks last november, the outlook changed. >> the republican now has an opportunity to show we can actually govern. >> we will get thing done. >> we actually can work to accomplish things. >> this grid lock dysfunction can be ende

>> jon: nothing nothing. >> larry: yeah, i want one too jon are we hint crits jon? >> jon: no my friend, we're american. >> larry: right, totally different totally different. >> larry: . >> jon: larry wilmore. here isure moment of zen. >> former president truman was quoted from the ap saying that the march from selma, and this was his word, was silly. >> i think it was the most powerful and dramatic civil rights protest that has ever taken place in theentral captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> larry: tonightly, obama celebrates selma's golden anniversary. to commemorate, please give any black people that you know all of your gold. from obama's selma speech to tim cook's apple watch speech. from we shall overcome to we shall overpay. how responsible are we for how our products are made? willy wonka never seemed that concerned. pop in your ever lasting

(cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart. my guess journalist andrew cockburn will be joining us but first gay marriage oh it's happening, baby marriage equality spreading across america and against all reasonable predictions. the country has not been destroyed by a divine wrated -induced quake-nado. (laughter) time for everyone to breathe a sigh of relief. >> three dozen states have moved to legalized same-sex marriage but in some quarters a backlash is under way. >> jon: ah backlash. because while most of us see a map like this we think to ourselves oh good millions of americans will to longer be denied equality. there is a vocal pine or the without seek this. >> the most optimistic projection for the spread of the virus is this. 24 hours 36 hours, 48 hours. (laughter) >> jon: that of course from the hit thriller coming outbreak. but as you know not all states will accept decency-- the discover of the meth lab of democracy, don't mess with sexy threatened with a veritable flood of gay paerj some legislators are rushing to s

. >> jon: what! >> yes, yes. >> jon: let me tell you this-- i've noticed everybody that leaves here comes back looking younger fitter. their ( bleep ) are bigger. it seems like an unbelievable gift to yourself. >> i do so much cocaine-- ( laughter ) >> jon: what! >> an impossible amount of cocaine is. >> jon: you're kidding me! >> it's ridiculous. >> jon: what! >> i'll tell you what you can report to. >> jon: let me hear it. >> you don't know when you're leaving yet but when you do, i'll be where i've always been which is right outside this studio waiting for you. ( laughter ) you better have my five bucks, bro. you better have my five bucks. >> jon: i'll have it. oh boy. that just took a really dark turn. and i'm excite forward the new children's hospital. >> thank you. it's not totally a fart show. >> jon: i've never been one to go against fart humor. >> i love it. >> jon: what's funnier than a fart? it's something that comes out of your butt. >> 95% of us do-- 80% to 90% of us-- there's a conditio

>> jon listen. (cheers and applause) >> do you really-- jon, do you really think kissing between married people just happens naturally? >> i guess i did. >> oh my god no. >> it takes years of practice. all right, let's show him. >> okay. >> jon: oh. >> she always messes it up. >> no! >> jon: how long you have two been married. >> i don't know like a thousand years. >> yeah, we should really practice second base. >> okay. >> yeah yeah. >> not easy jon not easy. >> jon: thank you sam bee and jason jones everybody. (applause) they've been making out the whole time. i didn't even notice it and then its with time for the big speech. let's see how the liberty university students well cop the senator. whooo, the excitement the passion. the rand paul features. (laughter) (applause) all right now that-- that is somewhat awesome. (laughter) >> but come on guys shall don't show up at the senator's big day wearing the other team's injury jersey. if you don't want to be there, don't be there. >> it is a weekly c

." >> jon:. is this where we stand in the country where the opposition will try anything to scuttle a noble president's effort to avoid a war? both look like the same people! (laughter) >> jon: now, of course, i can only assume conservatives feel the opposite in both instances. >> if the deal is that fragile, they don't have a deal. senators and members of the house opine on foreign policy all the time. >> it confuses people when they see one of the leaders of the houses attempt to conduct foreign policy. >> the leaders are looking for input because president obama cut them out of the process. >> it defies common sense and doesn't help the conversation. >> 47 congressmen sent out a message to the iranian leaders educating them about our constitutional system of government. >> i never thought in my lifetime, colonel, i would see the speaker of the house of representatives against the wishes of her old commander-in-chief allow herself to be used for propaganda purposes. >> jon: honestly, recolelcte

thank you. >> jon: how are you? >> how you doing, jon? >> jon: i'm doing so well. but you, the ride you are on right now, the performance that you and john did at the oscars just remarkable. it was such a beautiful thing. >> thank you. >> jon: how did it feel in the theater? >> it was a wonderful feeling. it felt spiritual. it felt like we were able to-- we wanted to represent selma and that movement and the song "glory," we wanted to represent it on a high level, and we felt great about the way people responded. >> jon: they responded amazingly. this movie coming out, the 50th anniversary of selma, and all the occasions, does it bring you closer to those events of history? do you feel more connected to it, more part of it, spend, time with guys like john lewis and reenacting those types of things? yes. you know, i knew about the history, but being able to be an actor in it and now with so much education on it and get to meet john lewis and ambassador andrew young and diane nash, and some names that were unknown but we got to meet the people. it was like wow, we ar

. >> jon: wow. steps away from the kremlin does seem like a convenient place for the kremlin to murder someone. ( laughter ) you know, for the kremlin, they've got to be thinking, why schlep all the way across town? it's the same reason you get lunch at the deli next to your office even though you're pretty sure they make all their paninis a month in advance. i'm kidding, of course. putin could not murder an adversary. george bush looked into his eyes and saw i had soul. how could such a soulful, trustworthy man-- that photy is a bit unfair. let's get a different photee-- okay. well, how do we know the government was involved? >> russian state-own television airing this video they say shows the moment of nemtsov's shooting. a snow plow conveniently blocking the view. >> >> jon: not to be a stickler for details, but that street seems not to be snowed on. ( laughter ) all right looks bad. opposition leader gunned down yards from the crel lin in what appears to be an official vehicle conveniently obsec

>> how are you jon? ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: now, jason, normally right now i would ask you to explain how we ended up on both sides of the sunni-shia conflict but i'm not going to do that. >> well, thank god because i know nothing about tseriously nothing. >> jon: i'm not going to ask you because we have a far more important story to talk about tonight. tonight is your last day. >> audience: oooh. >> they were not paid to do that. ( laughter ) >> jon: i-- i was-- from the sound of that, i was going on say "on earth." it's not on earth. ( laughter ) it's here with us on "the daily show." this is your final program. >> audience: ooh. >> oh, says the audience. there we go. ( cheers and applause ). >> jon: rather than that-- they turned awfully quickly from rueing that to celebrating. rather than spend another segment pretending we know something about the middle east, which we don't, i'm going to ask you right now to come home. >> really, right -- >> come home from the middle east? >> right now. >>

that-- >> jon. >> jon: what? >> actually, my parents were married so technically i'm not a bastard. >> jon: fine! it just was a figure of speech! the point is on the right they're pretending that our toothfulness is what's really important to them which ironically is not true. what matters to the right is discrediting anything that they believe harms their side. that's their prime directive. and unlike captain kirk, they ( bleep ) stick with the prime directive. they don't just drop the prot colany time they feel like humping a green girl in a unitarred. look this mission drives their attack on all the institutions that form the foundation of the country they purport to love so dearly. >> our vague and very broken government got bigger and more broken. >> americans already suffering in a broken education system. >> teachers suggesting america is evil. >> america's election system, broken. >> science itself seems a little bit corrupt. there's a lot of agendas involved. >> voter fraud is rampant. >> jon: and pra, p

(cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome to the daily show my name is jon stewart. we have a great show for you tonight. our guest tonight a fascinating figure russian hockey legend slava fetisov. he is going to be here to talk about how i mispronounced his name which i can only assume. but i remember this cat from the '80s and '90s, one of the greatest defenceman ever to play the game of hockey. but first, have you heard the news? extra, extra future president hillary clinton may have to pardon former secretary of state hillary clinton. >> a bombshell report that hillary clinton may have violated the law during her time at the state department. >> oh my god, oh my god, oh my god oh my god. (laughter) >> jon: what did she do? did she funnel arms to isis to pay for a land deal in arkansas, did she sell a laz ca back to the russians for their silence on benghazi. bad her reses may with fake countries she-- in pantsuiti stan? >> hit me with the bad news. >> it appears that while she was secretary of state she did not have an official e-mail account at all. >> oh. this-

>> jon: nothing nothing. >> larry: yeah, i want one too jon are we hint crits jon? >> jon: no my friend, we're american. >> larry: right, totally different

>> jon: nothing nothing. >> larry: yeah, i want one too jon are we hint crits jon? >> jon: no my friend, we're american. >> larry: right, totally different totally different. >> larry: . >> jon: larry wilmore. here isure moment of zen. >> former president truman was quoted from the ap saying that the march from selma, and this was his word, was silly. >> i think it was the most powerful and dramatic civil rights protest that has ever taken place in theentral captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ i'm going down to south park, gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ ♪ going down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy, neighbor" ♪ ♪ heading on up to south park gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ ♪ mrph rmhmhm rm! mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪ ♪ come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine ♪ thanks for this oreo caramel shake, cara.

is jon stewart. we have a fabulous show that we have put together tonight by hand and our he is sonal show, if you filmmakers kirby dick and amy ziering will be here. but first, according to science earth just experienced its warmest winter since record-keeping began in 1880. that is sus a random meaningless fact in our new segment lalala, la la la, la. i wonder if anti-artica is included in that. of course climate change will affect the entire country but no nowhere more so than our two most phallic states florida and california. i know what you are thinking. you tell me perfectly normal to have a nevada shaped curve in your penis. the ironic thing is that climate change is giving each of these states the exact opposite problem. >> a ten-foot rise in sea level would put the entire city of people beach and much of south florida underwater. >> the golden state is turning deep red 40% of california is in exceptional drought. the most severe category. >> jon: the one too wet the other too dry i think th

jon: usually black coffee. jon: just for reporting purposes but. jon: outnumbered starts right now. harris: new reaction we are waiting for the white house briefing over the scandal of hillary clinton's exclusive use of a private e-mail during her entire tenure as secretary of state. the fallout raising new questions of why the need for such secrecy. and whether this is what we could expect in a new clinton white house. this is "outnumbered" in here with us today is charis faulkner, kennedy and fox news contributor