i'm your host, stephen colbert. and tonight, whether or not you are aware of it, is a momentous occasion, because this is our 50th episode. ( cheers and applause ) that's nice, 50, of course, is the golden anniversary, so i bought everyone on my staff their very own gold bond medicated powder. ( laughter ) how you feeling, jon? >> jon: dry and refreshed! >> stephen: that means it's working. all right. 50 episodes. i can't believe we reached the big 5-0 in just ten weeks. to put that in perspective, it took "new year's rockin' eve" 50 years to reach 50 episodes. ( laughter ) that's a hell of a pace. of course, this is really about you and me, audience and host, 50 whole episodes together and after all that time, i got to say, there's still a spark. i can't believe-- i mean, 50. i can't believe we still do it every night. i don't even mind that sometimes, halfway through, you fall asleep. ( laughter ) by now we know each other so well we can finish each others... >> sentences! >> stephen: i was going to say pasta, but

>> stephen: hey, nicole, this is stephen colbert, from "the late show with stephen colbert." >> well, hi, stephen, how are you today? >> stephen: i'm doing fine, how are you, nicole? >> we are fantastic. >> stephen: i have a question about my turkey, could you help me with that? >> absolutely. >> stephen: what is the best way to thaw this thing out? >> great question. that is the number one question we get year after year-- >> stephen: i got mine in the garage in a hefty bag, and i poured in a jug of antifreeze. >> oh my goodness, you know, we don't recommend that. >> stephen: thanks for your help. >> all right, thanks, stephen, happy thanksgiving. >> stephen: bye, you too. hi, turkey talk line, who is this? >> this is chef tony, how may i help you? >> stephen: is that your name or is chef your title? >> chef's my title and tony is my first name, yes. >> stephen: i have a question for you, tony. >> yes. >> stephen: i got a nephew who wants me to make tofurkey this year. what is the best way to let him know he's no longer welcome in my house? >> he wants to do a vegan style turkey? >>

and welcome to the colbert. >> stephen: right on! (cheers and applause) welcome to the late show, everybody! (cheers and applause) very nice. thank you, jon. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! lz that's-- . >> stephen: that's nice, thank you, everybody, thank you so much. beautiful to hear. i like it. thank you, everybody. that's so nice. thanks, everybody, thanks. whooo! (cheers and applause) thank you. welcome-- welcome to the late show, everybody, thanks so much, i'm stephen colbert. how is everybody doing tonight? doing all right? i'm so glad, that is wonderful, because i'm feeling great tonight. because for once i have good news. and here it is. donald trump was attacked by a bald eagle. (cheers and applause) lz it was during a photo shoot for time magazine back in august. but time just released the footage. take a look at it. look at that! that eagle-- that eagle thinks that donald's hair is like a blond rabbit or something. and donald is getting out of there faster than a muslim

(very top of colbert interview on face) sot: (stephen colbert/"late show" host) "there is a populism to trump that i find very appealing. and it's only this: the party elders want him to go away, but the people have decided that he's not going to." colbert and other late night comics have honed in on trump this campaign season. (wipe vo) and judge judy is moving on..to a new home! cbs'

. >> welcome stephen colbert! ♪ ♪ captioning sponsored by cbs ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the late show, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) very nice. thank you, jon. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: that's nice, thank you, everybody, thank you so much. beautiful to hear. i like it. thank you, everybody. that's so nice. thanks, everybody, thanks. whooo! ( cheers and applause ) you feel it. thank you. welcome to the late show, everybody, thanks so much, i'm stephen colbert. how is everybody doing tonight? doing all right? i'm so glad, that is wonderful, because i'm feeling great tonight. because for once i have good news. and here it is. donald trump was attacked by a bald eagle. ( cheers and applause ) it was during a photo shoot for "time" magazine back in august. but "time" just released the footage. here's the thing, everyone's having a good time with that footage of trump. and here at the late show we have enjoyed a joke or 5

>> stephen: thanks. this is stephen colbert's midnight confessions. just for the record, i'm not sure the following things are sins. but they are things i feel really guilty about, okay? i will be right back. forgive me, audience. i-- (laughter) forgive me, audience, i give to the homeless, but only when i'm trying to get rid of pennys. i shall i kind of like yankee candle. i am a 51 year old man, but i can name every member of taylor swift's girl squad. sometimes instead of paying a toll on the highway, i just drive threw yelling i'm stephen colbert! (cheers and applause) i never pitch in for pizza, but i always take the last slice. i tell people that my fists are named slayer and dominator, but they're really named ross and rachel. (laughter) audience, i actually like the npr pledge drive. it makes me feel like i'm wanted. sometimes, sometimes i use my foot to make lines in the carpet so it looks like i vacuumed. when i'm in other people's houses, i look through their medicine cabinets. those were actually tick takes. and i regret having put them on

>> stephen: thanks. this is stephen colbert's midnight confessions. just for the record, i'm not sure the following things are sins. but they are things i feel really guilty about, okay? i will be right back. forgive me, audience. i-- (laughter) forgive me, audience, i give to the homeless, but only when i'm trying to get rid of pennys. i shall i kind of like yankee candle. i am a 51 year old man, but i swift's girl squad. sometimes instead of paying a toll on the highway, i just drive threw yelling i'm stephen colbert! (cheers and applause) i never pitch in for pizza, but i always take the last slice. i tell people that my fists are named slayer and dominator, but they're really named ross and rachel. (laughter) audience, i actually like the npr pledge drive. it makes me feel like i'm wanted. foot to make lines in the carpet so it looks like i vacuumed. when i'm in other people's houses, i look through their medicine cabinets. those were actually tick takes. and i regret having put them on a pizza. one time a little kid asked me if famous people like

i'm stephen colbert. i hope you don't mind, that this is the "late show with stephen colbert," and stephen colbert is standing in front of you and, that i prefer to refer to myself in the third person. ( laughter ) but that is just what stephen colbert does. ( laughter ) and i'm so excited that you're all here, because i really need somebody to talk to tonight. i was alone this afternoon when i found out one of my heroes isn't the man i thought he was. his name... >> ooooooh. >> stephen: a little late on that. ( laughter ) a lot of responsibility. a lot of responsibility, being a live audience. the name of this man? bond, daniel craig bond. here's what happened. d-craig or craigy-d, as he likes his friends to not call him, he's on the circuit right now promoting the new james bond movie "spectre." and when one reporter asked him if he would consider doing yet another james bond movie, d-craig pointed to his wine glass and said, "i would rather break this glass and slash my wrists." >> ooooooohh. >> stephe

the late show with stephen colbert is next.,,,,,,,,,,,, ♪ (vo) some call it giving back. we call it share the love. during our share the love event, get a new subaru, and we'll donate $250 to those in need. bringing our total donations to over sixty-five million dollars. and bringing love where it's needed most. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. our next newscast is tomorr morning >>> the late show with stephen colbert is coming up next. >> our next newscast, tomorrow morning at 4:30. goodnight. ♪ ♪ captioning sponsored by cbs ( band playing intro music ) >> welcome stephen colbert! >> stephen: whoo! thank you. thank you, everybody. welcome to the show. hey! that's my band. welcome to the late show, everybody! whoo! whoo! ♪ ♪ welcome to the late show, everybody! >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much. you're very kind! >> stephen, stephen, stephen! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you very much, everybody. wee

here is more of our interview with stephen colbert. have you learned how to interview differently now than when you did in the past? >> absolutely. i used to live by the joe scarborough rule which was, if someone on your show talks for more than seven seconds you've lost control of your show. now i let back see what they will say. >> dickerson: what about the questions you ask? i was always in attack mode before. people want me to tea tack people still. people are very upset, liberals got so mad at me. somebody called me like a craven sell out for not 'talking donald trump. like what do you want. there's no pleasing some people. >> dickerson: looking back at this year, what i was struck by after san bernadino you started one segment i'm trying to manage the tonal shift. that's what strikes me, politics was crazy. but also we've had shooting charleston, san bernadino, attacks in paris, we're ending the year in kind of a fragile walking on egg shells kind of time. i have responsibility to do a comedy show. like water cooler conversation.

the late show with stephen colbert is next. our next newscast is,,,,,,,, ♪ (vo) some call it giving back. we call it share the love. during our share the love event, get a new subaru, and we'll donate $250 to those in need. bringing our total donations to over sixty-five million dollars. and bringing love where it's needed most. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. are those... you there... stormtroopers! halt! turn here. go go! follow them! bb-8! beep, beep! this way! where'd they go? they went that way! that way, they went that way! i can't believe that worked! of course it worked! beep, beep, beep! >>> the late show with stephen colbert is up next. >> our next newscast tomorrow morning at 4:30. i know dennis will be here, paul, veronica. ( band playing intro music ) >> welcome stephen colbert! >> stephen: hey! ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by cbs hey! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to "the late show." wooo! >> stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: that's nice. oh! oh, that gets you. >> ste

stephen colbert who lives inside your tv. when the tv goes off, i can still see you, just like your x-box. no judgment, except for that one thing you do-- grow up. thank you-- thank you for what i'm going to trust was your sincere applause, just a moment ago. ( cheers and applause ) thank you. i appreciate it. i love it. i just want to make sure it's not the mindless cheering of a horde of robots, because it's hard to tell who are the people and who are the robots. that's how fast the robots are progressing. and i fear the eventual enslavement of the human race by the metal men. i know what you're saying: oh, they'll never do that. teddy ruxpin was my friend. no, he wasn't. and neither was tickle me elmo. that was just putting a muppet face on our cybernetic overlords. think about the name. why wasn't it tickle you elmo? who is in control here? it sounds like a one-sided relationship. just get out of there. it's getting worse. there's shocking news out of japan, robot designers have now created an artificial robot that passed

>> welcome stephen colbert! ( band playing intro music ) ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey, welcome to the show, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: ow! >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: that's very nice. thanks, everybody. hey, thank you so much. welcome to the late show. man, a guy could get used to that. welcome to the late show. i'm stephen colbert. i hope you don't mind, that this is the "late show with stephen colbert," and stephen colbert is standing in front of you and, that i prefer to refer to myself in the third person. ( laughter ) but that is just what stephen colbert does. ( laughter ) and i'm so excited that you're all here, because i really need somebody to talk to tonight. i was alone this afternoon when i found out one of my heroes isn't the man i thought he was. his name... >> ooooooh. >> stephen: a little late on that. ( laughter ) a lot of responsibility. a lot of responsibility, being a live audience. the na

and now it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert"! >> stephen: thank you! thanks, everybody. thank you, jon. thank you, ceelo. >> jon: yeah, baby. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thanks, everybody. thank you so much. that feels good. that feels good. did you see the show last night by any chance? we have-- we had our friend bill maher on the show last night. and we had probably one of my favorite interviews we've ever had on the show. or something like that. and he's incredible. but we did, like, 16 or 18 minutes of interview, or something like that. am i right? and we had to cut, like, six minutes out of it because we had to make room for a cat circus. ( applause ) but if you liked the interview, we've got the whole thing uncut, unedited on the web site. go to colbertlateshow.com and you can watch the whole thing. it's really good. really enjoyable. you should go check it out. thanks for coming, bill. now, if you watch this show-- and if you're watching me right now, i assume you do-- you know i'm a huge fan of "star wars." ( cheers and

the late show with stephen colbert is neck. >> good >> welcome stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ( band playing intro music ) ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ >> stephen: welcome to "the late show" everybody, thank you so much! thank you for my book. welcome to "the late show." thanks so much, everybody. welcome to "the late show." thanks so much, everybody. thanks so much for being here. i'm very grateful for your presence. thank you for my book. welcome to "the late show." thanks so much, everybody. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, a miniature stephen colbert who lives inside your tv. when the tv goes off, i can still see you, just like your x-box. no judgment, except for that one thing you do-- grow up. thank you-- thank you for what i'm going to trust was your sincere applause, just a moment ago. ( cheers and applause ) thank you. i appreciate it. i love it. i just want to make sure it's not the mindless cheering of a horde of robots, because it's hard to tell who are the people and who are the robots. that's how fast the robots are pr

i'm your stephen colbert. we are only a week away from christmas. this is the time when we really begin to cherish our family and friends by rushing out to c.v.s. to buy gift cards, and finding the only ones left are for subway and dick's sporting goods. ( laughter ) merry christmas, nana! enjoy your $5 footlong as you browse through warm-up pants. and this year-- i don't know if you ghies know this-- this year's christmas is going to be unique, because for the first time in 38 years, a full moon will rise on christmas night. i know, sounds neat. but there's a catch-- because a full moon on christmas will also bring-- christmas werewolves! oh, they're out there. oh, they are out there. and they are holly jolly hungry. all be safe at home with our families. but one of our most prominent citizens has to work that night. i speak of course, of santa claus. he's gonna be out there all night, completely vulnerable to werewolf attacks-- weighed down by that sack of toys, jingling wherever he goes! i mean rudolph's nose might as well have a you inon flashin

the power to feel better.tm >> dickerson: we have more stephen colbert ahead. see full interview visit us at facethenation.com you can follow us on facebook and twitter and instagram. the artificial heart, this ielectric guitarsdoers, and rockets to the moon. it's the story of america- land of the doers. doin' it. did it. done. doers built this country. the dams and the railroads. ♪john henry was a steel drivin' man♪ hmm, catchy. they built the golden gates and the empire states. and all this doin' takes energy -no matter who's doin'. there's all kinds of doin' up in here. or what they're doin'. what the heck's he doin? energy got us here. and it's our job to make sure there's enough to keep doers doin' the stuff doers do... to keep us all doin' what we do. >> dickerson: some of our cbs stations are leaving us now. but most of you we'll be right back with more of our interview with stephen colbert, our political panel and astronaut scott kelly. stay with us. ,,,,,,,,,, closed captioning provided by cbs sports division [captioning made possible by cbs sports

>> stephen: thanks. this is stephen colbert's midnight confessions. sins. but they are things i feel really guilty about, okay? i will be right back. forgive me, audience. i-- ( laughter ) forgive me, audience, i give to the homeless, but only when i'm trying to get rid of pennies. i kind of like yankee candle. i am a 51-year-old man, but i can name every member of taylor swift's girl squad. sometimes instead of paying a toll on the highway, i just drive through, yelling "i'm stephen colbert!" ( cheers and applause ) i never pitch in for pizza, but ( laughter ) i tell people that my fists are named "slayer" and "dominator," but they're really named "ross" and "rachel." ( laughter ) audience, i actually like the npr pledge drive. it makes me feel like i'm wanted. sometimes, sometimes i use my foot to make lines in the carpet so it looks like i vacuumed. ( laughter ) when i'm in other people's houses, i look through their ( laughter ) those were actually tic tacs. and i regret having put them on a pizza. ( laughter ) one time a little kid asked me if famous p

>> jon: welcome stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ( band playing intro music ) >> stephen: whoo! whoo! whoo! >> stephen: hey! welcome to "the late show." >> stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: hey! nice! come on! whoo! >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you. that's the best kind of mindless mob. thank you for being here. welcome to "the late show." i'm stephen colbert, everybody. happy to be with you tonight. because i've got to tell you, i was a little miffed this afternoon. it's good to be with friends. i'm upset. y'all know i'm a big fan of "lord of the rings." you guys like "lord of the rings"? ( cheers and applause ) you guys know this. because i'm a big fan, my ears pricked up-- much as a hobbit's would-- when i heard that scientists in brazil have discovered a new species of spider and named it after a "lord of the rings" character, smeagol. they say they named it smeagol because it's scary looking and lives in caves. okay, that's cute. that's cute. i

i'm your host, stephen colbert. i don't think it's any surprise i love my job, but i gotta say, show business, she is a stern mistress. and i'm pretty sure she's forgotten my safe word. i made it clear that it was "pumpkin patch." right off the tee here i've got to deal with some show business business. last night i had on the great marion cotillard, star of the new film "macbeth." she was a lot of fun. but after the interview, immediately afterwards, i started getting a lot of calls and e-mails from my old theater friends telling me they were worried because there was an old superstition that if you say the word "macbeth" in a theater, you few times. my first guest is the academy- award winning actress, you know her from such movies as "la vie en rose," and "inception." she now stars as the leading lady in "macbeth." macbeth. macbeth. macbeth. macbeth! i said it a lot, but it's ridiculous to expect me to talk about the movie "macbeth" without saying the word macbeth. it's all nonsense. i mean, macbeth. macbeth. mac

show with stephen colbert. bridges. have a great weekend. >> good night. ( band playing "late show" theme ) ( cheers and applause ) >> welcome stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) > > stephen: wooo! wooo! ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: welcome to "the late show" everybody. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: mmm! mmm! mmm! feels good. oh! welcome to the show, everybody. thank you! thanks, everybody. welcome to "the late show." i'm your stephen colbert. we are only a week away from christmas. this is the time when we really begin to cherish our family and friends by rushing out to c.v.s. to buy gift cards, and finding the only ones left are for subway and dick's sporting goods. ( laughter ) merry christmas, nana! enjoy your $5 footlong as you browse through warm-up pants. and this year-- i don't know if you ghies know this-- this year's christmas is going to be unique, because for the first time in 38 years, a full moon will rise on christmas night. but t

and now it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert"! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: wooo! >> stephen! stephen! >> stephen: i'll take it. i'll take it. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: yeah! that is-- oh, that is the best. best possible christmas present i could get. i need your energy. you'll have to excuse me. i'm a little tired. last night was yet another republican debate. and i'm tired because i was up late watching the whole thing, and definitely not at the cbs christmas party instead. and this morning, i did not have to apologize for challenging scott pelley to a pushup contest after not licking egg nog out of tom selleck's mustache. that's what i didn't do. i watched the debate. if you missed it, cnn's g.o.-palooza went down in las vegas at the most american possible venue, the venetian hotel and casino, owned by republican megadonor and part-time kuato, sheldon adelson. ( laughter ) the debate took place on the stage where "phantom of the opera" play

. ♪ ♪ >> welcome stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ ♪ >> stephen: welcome, everybody! welcome to "the late show." >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much. thanks, everybody. thank you so much. ( cheers and applause ) welcome to "the late show." thank so much! thanks, everybody. welcome to "the late show." it's so wonderful to have you all here. i'm your host, stephen colbert. i want to address-- thank you very much. i want to address something right off the bean at the top of the show. you may have heard that our friend justin beiber was supposed to be on the show tonight. unfortunately, justin had to postpone his appearance for personal reasons. i hope everything's okay. no, no. listen, whatever it is. we hope everything is okay. he did the right thing and he tweeted to my show's twitter account this: "my apologies to @colbertlateshow as i won't be able to make it to n.y.c. tomorrow for the show. i look forward to making it up to you soon." he's saying sorry. no, no, no, he's canadian. so-- ( laughter ) when he says he's "sohrry," i beli