the late show with stephen colbert is next. our next newscast is tomorr, ,, my name is griselda zendejas. i love working in the salinas area because i always wanted to do something where i could help people around me. so being a construction supervisor for pg&e gives me the opportunity to give a little bit back to my community. i have three boys. they're what keep me going every day. our friends, families live in the area. and it is important for all of us that we keep our community safe. together, we're building a better california. it took joel silverman years to become a master dog trainer. but only a few commands to master depositing checks at chase atms. technology designed for you. so you can easily master the way you bank. >>> late show with stephen colbert is next. see you tomorrow at 4:30 a.m. >> stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thanks, everybody. welcome to "the late show with stephen colbert." >> stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: oh, t

welcome to "the late show with stephen colbert." i'm stephen colbert. i gotta say there's

welcome to "the late show with stephen colbert." i'm stephen colbert. and i love you. ( cheers and applause ) as you know-- there's a lot of love in the room tonight. a lot of love in the room. keep your hankies handy. as you know, i take my job as a late night host very seriously. i come out here and have fun, ha-ha, but i believe it's my duty to look out for every single per which reminds me-- carly, he's not right for you. ( laughter ) dump him and finish your m.f.a. it's your dream. vernon, go with the vinyl fencing. wood rots, and you end up spending just as much replacing it. prince abakutar, your ninth wife is a deceiver. accuse her before the elders as a sorceress. trust me. share with everybody here tonight, because updated something called the doomsday clock. it's a symbolic clock that gets adjusted every year to reflect how close humanity is to midnight representing the apocalypse. it is the only clock more terrifying than the one that wakes you up every morning. ( laughter ) and yesterday, at the national press club, atomic scientists reveal

i'm stephen colbert. and i am so excited about this huge science news that was just announced today. i was talking to these guys about it today. nasa has grown a flower in space. isn't that nice? for the first time finally, there's something beautiful up there. friend of the show scott kelly made the announcement, and here it is. it's a lovely zinnia with 13 petals. never been done before. one giant leap back for astronauts with allergies. ( laughter ) because remember, in space, no one can hear you sneeze, so they can't say "gesundheit." and that's too bad. now, this zinnia is also edible, making it the perfect garnish for a bag of microwaved beef paste. deal! if you can grow flowers, you can grow food. and once nasa can grow food in space, they'll really save on delivery. ( laughter ) historic milestone was overshadowed this weekend by what i believe is an even greater technological ne with a brick in it on a trampoline. here it is. there it is.ur eyes. the day has come. we have finally achieved the fut

america, all the ships at sea, i am stephen colbert. and tonight we are coming to you live from the ed sullivan theater in new york city! (cheers and applause) jimmy, can we get a "live" graphic in the corner? throughthere you go! live! there are only two ways to get one of those: a live talk show, or a high-speed police chase. (laughter) i'm saving that for sweeps. this "live" graphic is a sacred trust that means that what you are seeing is happening right now. no matter when you watch it. if you're watching this on your d.v.r. at 3:00 a.m. next wake me up and make me do it all over again. in fact, here, i'll prove that we're live at 11:35 p.m. look: i'm actually tired right now. (cheers and applause) hey! most nights we do the show 5:30, something like that. then i go home and pop a fist full of ambien. i'm out by 11:15, and then when i wake up i check the police blotter to see what i did. it is now 11:37, which i can prove that too, by holding up. this minute's "new york times." top story "stephen colbert holds thank you, shoe shine,

colbert is next. >> stephen colbert! >> stephen: thanks, everybody. captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey, welcome to "the late show with stephen colbert"! that's nice. >> stephen! stephen! >> stephen: that is crisp. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thanks, everybody. thank you. ( cheers and applause ) that's lovely. thank you so

>> late show with stephen colbert is next. >> stephen colbert! >> stephen: thanks, everybody. captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey, welcome to "the late show with stephen colbert"! that's nice. >> stephen! stephen! >> stephen: that is crisp. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thanks, everybody. thank you. ( cheers and applause ) that's lovely. thank you so much. in here, out there, all around the world, you guys. welcome to "the late show with stephen colbert." thanks so much, everybody. thanks so much. man, that is-- the audience-- you guys are as crisp as a celery stalk tonight, thank you. that's why we keep it so cold in here. to keep you fresh. ( laughter ) welcome to "the late show." i'm stephen colbert. and i am so excited about this huge science news that was just announced today. i was talking to these guys about it today. nasa has grown a flower in space. isn't that nice? for the first time finally, there's something beautiful up there. friend of the show scott kelly made the announcement, and here it is. it's a lovely zinnia with 13 petals. neve

welcome to "the late show with stephen colbert." i'm stephen colbert. i gotta say there's nothing more heartwarming than the sound of a mindless mob chanting your name. it is an honor to be here before you tonight. tonight's show... one imagines. because all i can really think about is tomorrow's record $1.5 billion powerball drawing. ( cheers and applause ) that's a lot of money. that's a lot of money. now, i know i didn't win over the weekend, but that just means i'm due, okay. last week, when the jackpot was i played and i lost so this time i did what any sane person would do-- the exact same thing again, expecting different results. so-- and this is true, i got my roto ticket right here, all right. ( cheers and applause ) smells lucky. and this time tomorrow, you'll be looking at a billionaire-- actually, you'll be looking at a rerun, because i will be in the caribbean snorting lines of ground-up panda off richard i like my odds. i think that's what billionaires do. i'm not entirely sure. i like my odds on this one which experts say-- this is true--

colbert". >> stephen colbert says all the candidates may want to copy bernie sanders' ad. >> that is a blatant attempt to manipulate our emotions. and it worked. senator sanders is looking to mobilize a new generation of voters and nothing says youth vote like a song from 1965. paul simon has a huge catalog of immortal songs. candidate. everyone would love to see governor chris christie put out an ad with "bridge over troubled waters." martin o'malley is not getting a lot of news coverage these days, maybe "the sound of silence" would be fitting. 2%, so probably "homeward bound." and donald trump, i'm going to say "diamonds on the soles of your shoes." no, wait a second, "still crazy after all these years." >> tonight, colbert welcomes the star of the new movie the finest hours, chris pine. >> he got me, man. he made me laugh. >> we're tracking radar and rain into the night and through the day tomorrow. i'll have details at 11:00. >> thank you, tom. in this line of work only the freshest ingredients make the cut it's important to me to know every dish i serve is the best it can be. e

>> stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> stephen: thank you very much. thank you, thank you! thank you, everybody! >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: that's nice. that puts a pep in your step. that's pleasant. ( cheers and applause ) thank

>> jon: very clear, uh-huh. >> stephen: i love metaphors. i'm stephen colbert. do you guys like christian bale? you hesitated but you came through. you said to yourself, if we say no, he might not do the jokes." thank you. i really do like him. he's an amazing actor. he always, like, comes through, like wa powerful, physical transformation of his body. really throws himself into the role. lost, like, 63 pounds to play the machinist, bulked up for the batman. so i was shocked when i found out that christian bale has ferrari founder enzo ferrari, because he didn't feel he could gain enough weight healthily before shooting began. and, like, he knows his own business. first of all, christian, if you're gaining weight "healthily," you're not doing it right. ( laughter ) okay? and i think the problem here is that christian bale is not an american. he is british. he is so british, his home town is haverfordwest, pembrokeshire, which i believe is the imaginary place where "thomas the tank engine" lives. haverfordwest, pembrokeshire, but, christian, as an american, you'r

stephen colbert announces his guest lineup. we'll have it on the other cidar. >> kate. >> we are tracking the threat for snow showers as we head into your troy day. this line of snow showers moving in from the west could hit us. i'll tell when you it gets who and what to expect for your friday commute also i'll tell you about a warm up that will take place into next week. stay there. we'll be right back. >> and leonardo dicaprio gets a private meeting with pope francis. we'll tell you why when "eyewitness news" continues. >>> we are getting closer to super bowl 50 and everything is starting to come together. take look at an yeah aerial picture what they're calling super bowl city which is under construction in downtown san francisco. soon it will be packed with nfl fans from everywhere. >>> crews setting up super bowl city are plastering nfl ads on sky scrapers setting stages for concerts and dragging out the metal detectors. the city has activated its emergency operation center wor working with the fbi to measure any potential

with stephen colbert. his guests, jerry seinfeld, and rand paul. ( band playing intro music ) ( cheers and applause ) >> welcome stephen colbert! >> stephen: hey! yeah! captioning sponsored by cbs ( cheers and applause ) hello! ( band playing "late show" theme ) ( cheers and applause ) thank you very much! ( cheers and applause ) thank you, ladies and gentlemen. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much. thank you, everybody. welcome. thank you so much. welcome to "the late show." i am stephen colbert. we talk about politics on the show, not a lot, but sometimes. i know the united states has a secret ballot in that tradition, but do you mind if i ask you, if you guys like bernie sanders? ( cheers and applause ) personally, i'm a little worried about senator sanders. he is currently trailing hillary clinton by 17 points. americans have stopped feeling the bern and are now feeling more of a mild chafing sensation. ( laughter ) but i like him. i

>> stephen: great. (laughter) this is stephen colbert's confessions. now, for the record, i'm not technically sins, but i do feel bad about them. okay, i'll be right back. forgive me, audience, sometimes, sometimes, audience, sometimes i wish there was an iphone app that would help me forget where my iphone was made. i told all my friends i'm watching "making a murderer," but i'm really watching the making of "murder, she wrote." prettyood. it's only been one week and i'm already breaking any new year's resolution to stop eating cake of the tub. (laughter)rkson song "since you been gone" totally pumps my jam sack. (laughter), jon follows on organ) (mumbling)lause) when i see someone's baby, i always say, what a beautifult what i'm really thinking is, if that wasn't a baby, it would (laughter) know, olive garden offers unlimited bread sticks? well, over the christmas holidays, i found their limit. (laughter)did get your email. if i forget someone's name, i just call them" i hope i don't do it with... chiefr) i also got your text asking me if i got your

have a good night. >> stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen! thank you! thank you! wow! ooo! thank you very much, thank you. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: thank you very much. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! ( cheers and applause )

up next is stephen colbert. his guests, stephen colbert, josh radnor, and iggy pop. captioning sponsored by cbs ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> stephen: thank you very much! (cheers and applause) thank you, everybody! (audience chanting stephen) welcome to "the late show," everybody! thank you so much! (cheers and applause) thanks, everybody! thanks so much! (cheers and applause) thanks so much for being here, everybody! thank you! thank you very much! i don't know if you're happy to be here or just clapping to keep warm! i'm stephen colbert. and i am a huge fan of science. it's given us the moon landing , the polio vaccine, heated car seats, you know? (applause) mine has six settings on it. i keep it down to two because i like to cook my ass low and slow. (laughter) (applause) by the time i get home at night, it's falling right off the bones. don't even need a fork. a potato, couple of carrots, amazing. bottle of wine, set for the weekend. but every once in a while, science can be a real buzzkill. just ask pluto, which used to be a planet, or cocaine, which us

welcome to cbs' "the late show" with, starring stephen colbert." i am stephen colbert. thank you for watching tonight. it means so much that you decided to spend your last few hours alive with me because as we speak a massive winter storm is bearing down on the east coast and it is threatening full city shutdowns, deadly commutes, and an 80% chance of attack by white walkers. it's coming. everyone is predicting a monster storm-- so hold your loved ones close, because you may need to cut them open and crawl inside for warmth. ( laughter ) if they love you, they'll be fine with it. and there's a terrifying name jonas. so it's going to hit with the reckless intensity of a child star going through puberty. ( laughter ) >> jon: hey, hey. it is. >> stephen: it's super cute at the same time. listen, you still have time to prepare. i'm going to give you a few tips, okay. first essentials. at this point, all the water and canned goods have been stripped from the supermarket shelves, soe vanilla extract. ( laughter ) it's got a lot more alcohol than you think.rm. you'll get hamme

the late so with stephen colbert is neck. >> t >> welcome stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey! hey! ( cheers and applause ) welcome to "the late show with stephen colbert"! thank you very much. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: that's nice. ( cheers and applause ) had. >> stephen: thyo