ha ha ha ha! how's this? ha ha ha ha! whoo-ha ha ha ha! go ahead, lay one on me. because that's what you always wanted, isn't it? [laughs] come on. come on. [laughing] come on. come on. all right, let's try that one again. come on. barrows: aah! aah! go! any excuse, jim, baby. run away! run away! aah! run away! [screams] what? what? yeoman barrows. [barrows whimpers and cries] what happened? i was following the tracks, and there he was who was? him. [sobs] barrows, give me your report. he-- he had a cloak, sir, and--and a dagger with jewels on it. are you sure you're not imagining all this? captain, i know it sounds incredible, but i did not imagine it any more than i imagined he did this. sounds like don juan. yes. yes. it was-- it was so... sort of storybook walking around here, and i was thinking, "all a girl needs is... don juan." just daydreaming the way you would he ran after him. stay with her, doctor. mr. sulu! sulu! mr. sulu? sulu! ruth? jim, darling, it is me. captain's log. stardate 3025.8. investigation of this increasingly unusual planet continues, an

ha ha ha! stop it, stop it! you're killing me! ha ha ha ha ha! this kid invites his friend over for lunch, and the kid says, "i don't like your mother." he says, "that's okay, just eat the vegetables." i'm gonna finish him off now! this blind guy walks into a department store with his seeing-eye dog. he picks him up by the tail and starts swinging him around. this guy walks over and says, "can i help you?" he says, "no, thanks. i'm just looking around!" [ sputtering ] mork, is he -- is he -- yes. yes, mind. milt's dead...because he had a lousy sense of humor. thank god it's all over! for adults with advanced non-small cell lung cancer or e.g.f.r. gene who've tried an fda-approved targeted therapy, this is big. a chance to live longer with opdivo, nivolumab. opdivo demonstrated longer life and is the most prescribed immunotherapy for these patients. opdivo significantly increased the chance of living longer versus chemotherapy. no biomarker testing is required with opdivo, though physicians may choose to do so. opdivo works with your immune system

ha ha ha ha. ha ha ha ha. give me the dress! all the buttons are missing! ink i'm gonna give you 2.50 for this? then, all your buttons are missing! carol, it is ruid, ruined-- mother, calm dn, calm down! it's not rnemot. maude, i can put new buttons on that in a minute. i--i thinkhelp. listen, maude, just rax. eve isng's gonna be fine. besides, maude, don't rrif you'. that of a wan? that i would expect from you, arthur harmon. ( phone rings ) thank waltavenar, n who eats women like human beings. ( rings ) i know, e. i know, grace. , gri knowe. i know, grace. you and e yourperiority. yore as bad as grace's h chundy-- and leaves her with a will thbsoluty ties her hand and foo e's permission? she can't do anything wiout ustes permission. oh, come on, maudie, what chubbyerts d for his wife was perfectly admirable. appointing a trustee protects the little woman. protects, my foot! u meanontrol. well, my walter doesn't want to control his little wofr th. that's why we're husband and wife oyear tell, walt. come on, honey tell him. alght, wter, who's the trustee? (

ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha! [ sighs ] well...they're gone, mind. that didn't hang on as long as the peevee clones. i thought they'd take the hint when we put on our nightgowns. i thought they'd take the hint when we told them to get out, especially after they referred to me as your "creature." well... i guess we're alone now. i guess so. [ chuckles ] [ giggles ] t way. on our honeymoon night. yep. sure is dark. sure is. well, it's our wedding night. i better not put this off any longer, huh? i guess not. ? bette davis eyes ? 'night, mind. what was that?! that's the ancient orkan honeymoon ritual. the honeymoon ritual is a little different on earth. what's different, mind? no mask? hardly. i told him he was crazy. that's one for dad. read this. now? please. cute pictures. just read, mork. mm-hmm. yep. whoa! ha ha! okay, all done. is there anything you don't understand? no... clear as a bell, mind. i'm just going to step in the bathroom for just a minute. mork! mork, are you all right? did that book upset you? no! not at all! really, mind! i'm just g

ha ha ha ha ha! i really don't think so, tom. reading from the papers, we know that apparently you are an alien, but you married him -- why? two billion guys on this planet -- you couldn't find one you liked, for god's sakes? no, uh, it's not like that at all. it's just that mork is very special and loving, and he doesn't know the meaning of the word "deceit." remarkable. remarkable. i understand you have a son, and his name is steef? mearth. mearth. good work, research. that's an excellent time to bring out young mearth. will you please welcome to the stage right now mr. mearth mcconnell? holy -- mork, you're gonna have yourself a 6-footer here. hi, mr. tom. neat. ? tell me 'bout the stars, and you'll see -- ? sit down. sit down. aw, so, big fella, you -- you age backwards -- is that it? you're really old, but you're really quite young. so when someone says, "you look good for your age," you have no idea what the heck they're talking about, because i certainly don't. ha ha ha ha ha. what's the matter with him, daddy? i don't kno

jim ha ha! ha ha ha! ha ha ha! hey, jim... can't you see me? ha ha ha! come and get me! ha ha! ha ha ha! here i am! you're blind! you never could find your head with both hands! remember? ha ha ha ha! hey, jim... get up. get up. get up! always fight fair, don't you? you officer and gentleman, you. you're a stupid underclassman. i've got the edge. i'm still 20 years old. look at you. heh. [screams] aah... i--i can't move me leg. i can't feel me leg. my back is broken. you've broken me back. feel that? can you feel that, now? sleep sweet, jimmy boy. sleep as long as you like. sleep forever, jim baby. forever and forever. you never could take me, you know. finnegan... one thing. sure. name it. answers. not bad. a lot of things. what's been happening to my people? i never answer questions from plebes, jimmy boy. i'm not a plebe. this is today, 15 years later. did you enjoy it, captain? yes, i enjoyed it. after all these years... i did enjoy it. the one thing i wanted to do after all these years was beat the tar out of finnegan. which supports a theory i've been formulating. that we

ha ha ha ha! look here, mrs. flicker, make any changes you want. just go ahead and juxtaposition, change pages, do whatever is necessary. ha ha ha ha! [ laughs ] um, well, what are the changes? well, now, mr. nicholson wondered if you would mind changing the name of your heroine from pauline to something else. but, uh, what's the matter with "pauline"? at's the name of mr. nicholson's ex-wife. it was a very messy divorce. how about changing it to "boom boom"? mr. nicholson suggests "yvonne." that's the name of his present, uh, friend. uh, "yvonne" is fine with us, just fine, right on. [ laughs ] yes, yvonne is very a nice name. we'll change pauline to yvonne. all right, now there's one other tiny thing here on page 60. now, mr. nicholson feels that it would be better if you referred to her as a "dance hall girl." she is what she is. well, mr. nicholson doesn't want to offend the audience. besides, there was some question about his ex-wife, pauline. well, okay, she can become a dance hall girl. that's nice, too. oh, thelma, you've been an angel abou

ha ha ha ha ha!

ha ha ha ha ha ha! as my dear father would say, "you're a pea brain!" but i know he'll come back. he promised. mork, the man lied to you, just as those crummy velutians lied to me. i know. you can't trust a man with four lips. and destroying the earth on labor day. they let me down. bummer. sorry to hear that. it was then i realized that my faith had been misplaced, and i began my quest for truth. i tried buddhism, catholicism, judaism, punch and judy-ism. but nothing worked for me until i found... him. who? mork, i worship... o.j. simpson! isn't he a football player? a football player? mork, he is the football player! tell me, did you ever see the reverend ike streak down the sidelines untouched? sure... moses walked across the red sea. but could he have done it on astroturf? mork... i believe in the juice! you, too, can be a born-again simpson. let o.j. show you the way. just look at my followers. look at the peace and serenity in their eyes. isaiah. hi. merlin. howdy. too tall. whoa. bubba. my man. these, mork, are my conversions. conversions -- good for one point. ar ar ar ar!

going-- ha ha ha ha ha ha! ha ha! she thinks something's going on. ( laughs ) ( laughs ) ( all laughing ) mother, i know you. now, what is it? nothing, darling! absolutely nothing. we've just had a--a very small, petty disagreement over a--a very minor thing. and vivian and walter are having an affair. maude!!! maude!!! oh, carol...carol, vivian and walter... in each other's arms! ( sobbing ) vivian and walter? just a little kiss! ( laughs ) ( laughing ) vivian and walter? ( chuckles ) all right, i appreciate your grief, carol, but knock it off! ( laughs ) i can't! ( laughing ) i can't help it! ( laughing ) ( laughing ) walter and vivian! kissing! ahh! ahh, that's hysterical! nk i once spent three whole days, looking for a marble in her potty seat. maude? maude, did you catch her reaction? that's the way this whole thing should be treated. laugh it off and forget it. yeah. intellectually, walter, i can do that. emotionally... emotionally, no way. if that's the way you think of me, maude. if that's the way you think of

ha ha ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha ha! minister: and now a few announcements. the christian pet lovers guild will meet tuesday, and the topic of discussion will be saint bernard-- our ladies' aid society is sponsoring a bake sale next weekend, with proceeds going toward paying the debts on our new social hall. and now, let us turn to page 123 of your hymnal... hymn number 421. ( organ music playing ) ( loud yawn ) ( organ music stops ) ( organ music resumes ) all: ? praise god from whom all blessings flow ...? i don't want to make a big thing out of this, but i have never but i have never been so embarrassed been so embarrassed ---in my entire life. will you stop repeating everything i say? i'm not repeating, walter, i'm one step ahead of you. "that is not funny, maude." that is not funny-- maude, cut it out. on who ever fell asleep in church. pillars of the community do it. presidents have done it. let's face it, i'm just not a church-goer. i prefer to stay at home and read the paper. newspapers are not printed to keep people out of church. come on, if god had

ha ha ha ha! he's walking! oh, i love it! i love it. ha ha ha ha! yeah, you know, you kill me. now explain to me why there's no dancing. oh, oh, that's very simple. uh, tell him, fred. well, see, the dancing zany, he's at the rehearsal hall-- bowlegs: and he'll be here tonight. yeah, i swear. he'll be here tonight, or else my name is not fred zanyford. wait, wait. look here. look here. watch this here again. look. yeah, he's walking! [laughing] fred, i know lamont ain't gonna want to do this. i know he ain't gonna want to do it. well, listen. i don't have to ask him what i want him to do. i'm gonna tell him what i want him to do. he is the dancing zany. [al groans] hey, he's sounding much better. think i'll go up and see how he's doing. [al groans louder] now, listen, lamont. i'm telling you i want you to do something. listen, lamont. would you do something for me? lamont, do me a favor, son. please? listen, i got something to tell you. now, when i'm talking to you... pfft! pfft! pfft! i want you to listen to me when i'm talking to you. when i tell you, this is what you do. tha

ha ha ha. ha ha ha. i'm sorry about this, j.j., but i'm sure you'd rather have me be straight with you. you see, this company's success depends on the goodwill of all our accounts. i just couldn't stay in business if some of them didn't approve of my assistant art director. yeah, but mr. g. -- i'm really sorry. i don't like that league, but i have to play ball. well, if you're the one playing ball, 'm the one striking out? ohh, those chili dogs. man, i don't know why you eat that junk this late at night anyway. michael, i was working late. and besides, i'd get a lot sicker if i was eating thelma's cooking. well, i'm about ready to hit the sack, too, j.j. you coming? michael, hold it. yeah? if you was a captain of a sinking ship and you only had one seat left on your lifeboat, who would you give it to -- a black man or a white man? well, j.j., my answer is -- well, it depends. depends on what? depends on who it is. i mean, is the black barbara jordan or idi amin? is the white dr. salk or lester maddox? oh

ha ha ha! hi, i'm kal. hi, i'm embarrassed. hey, paisano! hey! hey! ? na na-na-na na na-na-na na na-na-na ? owww-whooo! the light of my life, the one i give my extra pickle to. and i would like you to meet the only girl in the universe for me. unfortunately, she couldn't make it, so i had to bring my wife. [ laughter ] whoo-whoo! he always says that. i'm so happy to meet both of you. my favorite cousin's name is mindy. what a coincidence. mindy's name is mindy. answer this for me. why is there no channel one? oh, uh, oh-oh-oh, uh, well, see, when television was first invented, uh, uh, uh -- no. the fcc has special frequency regulations and, uh, um... i haven't the faintest idea. the search goes on. she may not know that, but she sure can adjust the vertical hold, if you catch my drift. ar ar ar! how did you two meet? well, i was working as a nurse's aide when kal came in with re-entry burns. sss! ah! [ pants ] and out of all the girls on earth, he chose me. mmmmmmm! you know, mindy, we must be

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! oh, dear god! it's the canadian devil! beelzaboot! you discovered my plan, but too late! [ fart! ] now the souls of all canadians belong to me! oh, no! oh, what have i done?! hee hee hee! ha ha ha! [ fart! ] so, basically, the genes you got from your dad make you more likely to have trouble with, um, dopamine regulation, and that's why you need to kind of watch out for addictive stuff. okay, so, you kind of understand now, champ? i guess so. but why do companies have to put so many addictive things out there? you know, they all do it, and it's kind of my deal. i've got to put temptation out there, too, so people have free will and all that shit. but, you know, everyone has their justification and thinks what they're doing is okay. [ cellphone chimes ] hey, buddy, where'd you go? don't you want more canadough? what's this? that's what i've been addicted to. it's a freemium game sending me push notifications. [ cheerful music plays ] [ cellphone chimes ] what, you just collect coins? [ coins clinking ] [ bell ringing ] how much money ca

ha ha! of course. i should've known when you -- when you carved our initials on that tree with your finger. i can drink with the sucker, too. oh, what a relief. you know, ever since you moved in with mindy, i was seeing things that, well, made me think my mind was going, but now... well, of course, it's so simple -- a man from outer space. you accept it so easily. most people just look at me and say, "bull!" oh, mork, i've been around a long time. i've seen the age of the automobile and radio and talking movies. i've seen a man walk on the moon. there's no reason you can't come here. then i can return back to my normal age, and you'll still be my friend? oh, of course. let's shake. [ growling ] ar ar ar ar! but there's one other thing, mork. if you can make yourself old, could you make another person...young? no. ar ar ar ar! ar ar ar ar! mork calling orson. mork calling orson. come in, orson. mork calling orson. come in, orson. push-downs. it's a common earth exercise. here's another one -- we must --

ha ha ha ha ha ha! she wants to name the baby andrew? you could name her andrea. andrea? yeah! andrea esposito! we will never forget you. gracias, se?or. thank you, andrew. andrea! andrea esposito! now...you still hate the job? [ laughs ] you're putting me on. no. you offered the kid 200 bucks? that's right. [ laughs ] you want me to leave town somewhere, lieutenant? leave it alone, norm. okay, so the problem is maybe alfred's gang papa are gonna hurt him now that he's a known snitch, right? rehabilitate his reputation with the street creeps. what couou be simpler. right, norm? to cover our butts, we take a kid who almost made it to the straight side, drive him back into the street. the kid was hanging bad paper last week. let's not put him up thehe with mother teresa. henry, norm. what's doing, captain? i went to daniels. he'll give alfred williams $250 relocation money. won't be needed. i don't think the kid's leaving town, captain. doesn't want to go to art school. wants to stay here and work things out with carl mann. and that's good for us, right, frank? he's back on the s

ha ha ha ha. and she's already started breakfast. what do you mean she cleaned up the room? why you jumping to conclusions that she cleaned up the room? oh, i'm terribly sorry. am i supposed to assume that you came down in the middle of the night and straightened it up, or am i supposed to assume that the living room fairies came by and did it? no, no. that would be too hard to swallow with this in your mouth. [speaking inaudibly] i cook in here as good as anybody else. oh, buenos d?as. yeah, bony knees to you. sit, please. i hope you like the meal. oh, we'll love it. no, no. no? mm-mmm. hey, pop, if you don't eat that, you're gonna insult carlotta. my doctor's got me on a strict diet. no garbage. would you stop it? listen, that stuff stinks. i didn't ask her to fix it, so don't expect me to eat it. hey, man, why don't you dig yourself? [knocking] hey! good morning, everybody. oh, no. another one. well, i don't know. i mean, carlotta's husband is moving here, so i figure we better get roberto signed up in school right away, you know? they might be here a long time. a long ti

ha ha ha! ha ha ha! ke that happening to me? yes. and to think i got you your first training bra. and then you broke training. your insurance company won't replace the full value of your totaled new car. the guy says you picked the wrong insurance plan. no, i picked the wrong insurance company. with liberty mutual new car replacement?, about replacing your car because you'll get the full value back including depreciation. make the switch to liberty mutual and see why we've been awarded highest in customer satisfaction by j.d. power. call for a free quote today. liberty stands with you?. getting married again is a lot more interesting than getting a phone call from a mysterious stranger. ( phone rings ) oh! the phone call from the mysterious stranger! come on. if you think i'm gonna climb the walls every time the telephone rings... that's ridiculous. "a mysterious stranger." hello there, old friend. yes, this is the lady of the house. who is this? if i can sing the campbell soup jingle, uh, well, no, i'm sorry, i don't know it. tell me, how's the wife? listen. you must call me and

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! you see, maude. ha ha ha ha ha! you see how witty she's become! go out and keep uncle henry company. ginger snap would like to talk to vanilla wafer. ginger snap. vanilla wafer. that's funny! ha ha ha ha! who's pushing? tsk. so, you're maude. maude, maude, maude. listen, maude, i can see you're in a little bit a shock. and i'm sorry i couldn't tell walter who the lucky man was. but your uncle henry wanted to tell him the surprise himself. ( laughs ) and you know, it is kinda funny. ( cackling ) ( laughing ) who would've known? la )no, no, no... ( catches breath ) i--i mean, walt-- walter's first wife marrying his second wife's uncle. ( cackling ) ( fumbling for words ) ( catches breath) well, thereby making the second wife his first wife's niece. ( cackling ) that's a riot, marta. - oh, that's a riot, maude. well, come on, maude, let's face it. let's be honest, you go first. all right-- oh, never mind. i'll go first. is the answer to one little question. hmm? all i'm interested in is hisappiness. of course! marta, do you mean that? for love! oh. m

ha ha ha ha ha! well, looks like i won again, fellas. heh heh heh heh. lamont: yeah. look, why don't you fellas deal me out of the next one? you see, i have to run upstairs for a minute. don't go up there and stay too long because i think rollo want to go up there and flush his self to death. ha ha ha. very funny. that was good. hey, wait a minute. take that money with you. oh, i trust everybody. uh-uh. listen, it's better to be safe than sorry and broke. this has got to be the luckiest dude in the world, man. to $15. i lost 10 myself, man. yeah, me, too. 25 bucks i lost. julio: oh, man. sheez. hey, man, nobody's that lucky. i'm gonna go over there and get some more money and get back in the game. wait a minute, son. wait a minute, son. ain't no use. i might as well tell you. there's something i want to tell you about my friend al. hey, man, i knew it. cat's been cheating. fred: no. wait a minute. hey, man, wait a minute. well, bring him. wait a minute. and i invited him here tonight just to teach you guys that y'all wasn't so smart and everything with your hotshot ga

ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. made you look. anyway, uh... it seems the shuttle bus went off the road and got stuck in a snowbank. roy: i don't believe this. how are we going to get to our cars? i can take some of you in my cab. wait a minute, angelo. i'm going to be late for my banquet. all right, all right. i will drop you and lewis off and then i will take them to the parking lot. who wants to come with me? well, i'm going. well, i'm not. i'm sick of waiting around. i'll go. count me in. lewis: i'll wait here and ride with the ladies. i have room for one more. when i look at the both of you beautiful ladies two words come to mind: lewis... sandwich. i think i'm going to ride with antonio. no, no, i'll go. no, i'll go. no, really, i'll go. look, mel gibson. you know i have a camcorder that shoots in the dark. antonio: okay, here's the banquet hall. out you go. you're too close to the wall. i can't open the door. all right, i'll help you out on this side. ah! great. now i don't have room to open this door either. hey, get back here. move you

ha ha ha ha ha. that's funny. yeah, that's very funny. as a matter of fact, it's so funny, i'm gonna let you try it out on the judge at 8:00 tomorrow morning. tomorrow morning? i'm not spending any time in any crummy motel around here. do you think i'd let you gentlemen spend any time in any crummy motel around here? no. no, not on your life. no. in the clink. if you don't mind. i don't believe it, i just don't believe it. oh, please, believe it. my reputation as a crime fighter is at stake. now, officer, look. ha ha. obviously, there's been some little misunderstanding here. ah. and this is my friend walter findlay. he's a well-known appliance dealer. oh. well, well... well, then, then, tell me something-- if you're--if you're such a big-deal appliance dealer, and you're a doctor, then, how come-- how come you're driving a '59 volkswagen camper with naked ladies painted on the side? we borrowed it from my wife's nephew. who is a hippie! he is not. you see, being a doctor, naturally, i drive a cadillac. which is why your patients have to

ha-ha-ha! ? oh! ha-ha-ha! ? don't anybody move. don't let them know we're afraid. hey man, cool it! can't you read that sign? ? this man is your leader, and he's dead if you don't throw down your guns! now, listen to me, you have a c cice! you can either go and leave these people alone that way can lead to death and maybe return to prison, you understand? now, fight or go! hallelujah! quick, pick up those guns! yeah, chigger. -thank you, thank you! -who are you? we're the followers of the prophet mcleod and we've come all the e y across the desert. what are you doing? those guys might come back! no, no, no, those men won't come back. they're convicts. they'll run till they hit the border. but if you people don't have guns, you'll be in trouble. who on earth are you people? where are you going? to the promised land. to the where? didn't the prophet tell you? aren't you the guide he went looking for? i'm sorry, miss, but i haven't the vaguest where we're going to build our homes. mr. mcleod, the prophet, he's leading us there. he's bought some land. aw, skip it, millie. the trouble is

ha ha ha ha ha ha. i'm getting out of here! stop! i'm too virile to die! please, lord, get me out of this, and i'll donate all my change to "parents without partners." another right turn, please. sadist. [ tires screeching ] watch out! get down! get funky! i'm satisfied with your work on the test course. i think it's time for the highway section of the test. mork: auntie em! auntie em! mindy! anybody! [ high-pitched voice ] kiss me goodnight, eddie. listen, daddy, i was just thinking... maybe i could fix you a nice, big, hot cup of cocoa with a marshmallow in it and maybe a goldfish sandwich. mearth. i know. no mustard. isn't that sweet of him, mind? unlike you, who tried to send me to my doom! he's turning on us. mearth, sweetie, why don't you go up to your room so dad and i can have a talk? i think you should maybe rub him on the tummy like this. that's what i always do with teddy. only thing with teddy -- when i rub him and keep rubbing him, he never closes his eyes. oh, come on, mork, don't be so depressed. so, you'll take the test another time. yeah,

ha ha! ha! ha ha ha! huh? i'll get your door fixed in just a few minutes, edith. michael: come on, gloria. let's go. come on, irene. that was a funny joke. hey, ma, have a nice time in scranton. thanks. bye, daddy. [laughs] i got the sandwiches! [laughing] we'll see you tomorrow night if you're still up when we get home. have a good time in the woods. say hello to the pinko patrol up there. archie, i can use your finger here. yeah, all right. hurry up, will you? i'm so worried about going away for the whole weekend. are you sure you're gonna be all right? i'm a grown man, edith. i can take care of myself. ow! jeez! you strangled my nail. i'm sorry. you want me to kiss it and make it better? shush! irene's standing there! you want me to kiss it and make it better? cut the funnies, huh, irene? will you hurry up? if you don't get that dress there to scranton in time, they'll be baptizing the baby in the nude. me on! you're missing that bus. the last bus to scranton leaves at 5:00 tonight. yeah, all right. all your meals are in the icebox. everything's labeled, so you

ha ha ha! you get it? you tackle anybody. ha ha ha! oh, what a sense of humor. ha ha ha. ahh, short hair and all, those guys were funny. well, now for the main course. now, i call this salad a la grady. that is marvelous. you know, i've been eating only salads lately. you probably noticed-- i've gotten a little lighter. yeah. if you get any lighter, understand, you'll be transparent. say, grady, that looks fantastic. hey, what all's in here? well, i got some cucumbers, lettuce, tomatoes, hog head cheese, and a little wild parsley. uh, i don't-- i don't think you guys will be wanting to eat nothin' with wild parsley in it. anything wrong with the salad? wrong?! hey, mmm... that is delicious. in most states, it is. uh, uh, grady, can i see you for a minute in the kitchen? well, not now. can't you see i'm busy? now, you wouldn't disturb a master chef in his moment of glory, would you? no, but see, i-- you wouldn't disturb george washington carver when he was planting the peanut. no, but i-- you wouldn't disturb hank aaron when he was standing up at the plate. no, grady, but-

ha! ha ha ha ha! now what are you doing? hello, uh, woody? yeah. this is grady. well, yeah, i told you it would work. and she's over here right now just bawling like a baby. you ought to see her. yeah. [feminine voice] woodrow. woodrow. i want my woodrow! [normal voice] now, woody, would i lie to you? so i'm telling you, woody. she's yours if you want her. listen, just wash your hands and get on over here. [hangs up phone] now what did you do that for? if woodrow comes over here expecting aunt esther to be meek, she's liable to knock him down. one down and one to go. [knocking] you're gonna be sorry you did this, grady wilson. mark my words. you're gonna be sorry you did this. aunt minnie, aunt flossie. lamont, baby. how are you? i'm doing fine, but what's the matter? what y'all doing here? for our poor, sweet sister. we just left her house, and woody the worm said he put her out, and we figured she'd be over here. so we came over here as fast as we could. all right. just--just-- just make yourself at home here. just stay here. aunt esther! esther: what is it, ba

ha ha ha ha! mindy, i'm your father. you can do better than that. mork, do something. show daddy you're from ork. watch this, daddy. a little cosmic shtick. many bleems ago, we orkans realized the need to talk while drinking. boy, am i thirsty. i'd like to see a human do that. [ belches ] look, i don't know how you did that, but it's, uh, some kind of trick. it doesn't prove anything. they have huge, bald heads. not always. and everybody knows that space creatures are always green. oh, you mean the old clich? -- like this. aaahh! nauseating, isn't it? it's not easy being green. you're an alien! you're an alien. paah. daddy, mork is from a highly advanced civilization. they did away with violence ages ago. not only that... i like you. oh, well, i like you, too, son. burn that. look, would you mind if i talk to my daughter in private? no offense. i mean, it's not worth a death ray or anything like that. death ray? oh, humor. ar ar. just going to go clean up the old room. isn't that something else? mindy, let's have a father-daughter talk. get rid of him! trash day. would

, ha, ha, ha, ha. >> pueblo long ago learned to adapt to hard times, dry seasons, war, incursion. there were years where there was nothing. and they had to deal. >> we found a pack rat. >> our first pack rat. >> in preparation for the summer solstice ceremony, game like rabbits and pack rats are collected for the medicine man as a payment for his services. >> how you notice is there's some droppings, fresh droppings. >> you see the droppings, you know there's one around. this time of the day, they're going to be inside their homes. there's too many predators around. >> it's not easy. once you find a nest, you got to dig after the little burrowing bastards. you hack, you dig. you dig some more. >> a lot of work for a small rodent. >> i was just thinking that. yeah. >> that's what our ancestors had to do sometimes. you know, when times go hard. right now there's this drought going on. if we didn't have the grocery stores -- >> right. >> then hopefully when you flush one cleanly -- >> oh! >> get it? >> got it right here. >> right. >> and give him a good whack on the head. >> the rati

ha, ha, ha, ha. worry not, however. as i shall be on hand to prevent say, london underground. ha, ha, ha, ha. assault. [ laughter ] you can see the entire donald trump-theresa may meeting re-enacted in the critically acclaimed series "downton grabby." [ laughter ] now, trump has apparently already spoken with may and according to a leaked transcript reported by the "guardian" newspaper, trump told her, quote, "if you travel to the u.s. you should let me know." you think she's just going to pop over? [ light laughter ] [ laughter ] uh. [ laughter ] hello, governor! so what's trump doing instead of overseeing a smooth transition? well, there's this odd story from a reporter covering trump. the reporter said he saw a professional skateboarder, billy rowan, in the lobby of trump's building on wednesday. rowan said he met with trump earlier today and came away impressed. rowan claimed he told trump to spread peace by building skate parks around the world. he said trump was receptive to the idea. trump met

ha ha ha ha ha. life is so cruel. now i must go out and dance for the audience alone. ? she looks so worn and pale, but beautiful. ? her tears are rolling down her pillow. ? oh! bud: oh belene, you dance with such a beautiful busted heart. kathy: how long have you been standing there? on me. bud: i wasn't spying on y- well don't push! i was just enjoying the show. kathy: you have no right to come around here poking on me. bud: well just hold on. you know, you don't own the whole world. kathy: well no, but -- well this is a different world. bud: what do you mean, different? kathy: oh i don't know, i can't explain it. everything seems so wonderful and real, and i was somebody awful important. then when you came poking around here, you made me feel silly. margaret: my heavens, that's it. that's it! it's so simple, why couldn't i see it? kathy: mommy make bud come in the house. bud: i wasn't do anything. she keeps hollering for somebody to go out there and watch her old puppet show, and when i do -- margaret: kathy's right. man: huh? margaret: i bet you didn't understand wha

apollo has spoken! go. gather laurel leaves? you must be joking! ha ha ha ha. "kill a deer." that's the funniest thing that i ever heard of! go ahead! lieutenant, get back. you shall reap the rewards of your insolence! we're tired of your phony fireworks! mortal, you have earned this! y his children. you said you were gentle and understanding. lieutenant! how can they worship you if you hurt them? lieutenant. apollo, please. you know so much of love. please don't hurt them. please. i shall be lenient with you... for her sake. you will make plans to bring the rest of your people down. be sure your artisans bring tools. you will need homes. and you'll supply the herds of sheep, and the pipes we'll play, for the supplies you need, and i'll crush its empty hull. i have been too patient. i shall be patient no longer. captain, we've got to do something! we were doing something until our brave lady stepped in and saved us. got any more good ideas? yes, i have, one more. if she fails us, we better get used to herding goats. fools. i offer them more than they could know, not just a wo

ha ha ha! oh, maude! what a glorious day. you'll just never guess how arthur woke me up this morning. vivian, whatever he did, i don't want to hear about it. oh. ha ha ha! well, first, he kissed me. and then, and he whispered... ( panting ) "testing, one, two, three." a-ha ha ha! i see, the famous panasonic hi-fi stereo upchuck test. and then, he put the other end to his heart, and he said, "do you hear that beat, cutlet? that's the beat of love." ( high-pitched scream ) so then what happened? oh, then he said for me to pack a few things because he's got us a cabin at lake george for the weekend. ( snap ) just like that, out of the blue. isn't that marvelous? oh, it's marvelous, viv. so i was wondering if i could borrow your old mackinaw to take along? though i probably won't be needing it, of course, with arthur to keep me warm. oh! oh! oh, he just-- he just makes me tingly, tingly, tingle... when he ups and does something like this on the spur of the moment. although i guess it's just part of

ha ha ha! ha ha...ha ha! i'm as disappointed as you are, i'm sure, captain. the kid had energy, a kind of simian intelligence. cut it, mr. brown. cut what? do you know why i quit representing prostitutes? precisely because of corruption. i can't afford corruption. my practice is too successful. or do you mean that you can't afford a close connection to it, so you shunt the girls off to the public defender -- look, i can believe that some people in my office have made phone calls, taken envelopes. but surely they don't need my cooperation. you can wire my office if you want. martinez says you're the one. what? martinez says it's you. i think it's him. if you don't have grounds to hold me, people, i have a full afternoon in part 17. don't make any mistakes, mr. brown. ballantine: how about when you went out with that man? that was good! and who stood up for you? who said he was beautiful? i wanted to puke! ballantine, come on. ballantine, ballantine! you don't even know my first name! everybody calls me jack! only you think of me as john because all you've call

ha ha ha ha ha! man, you love it. [ whistles ] russo: oh, no, open the window. come on, open up. you don't want her. come on back here. hey, baby. hey, baby. you, baby. yeah, you are looking so pretty. hold it now. look here. why don't you listen to ponchartrain for just a minute? i know what you want, and i've been thinking about it. t made up my mind yet. see, it's insurance, baby. simple as that. i am your life insurance. i'm doing all right up till now. oh, yeah, up till now. but up till now is history. i was never good in history. she's got to watch this dude. she's okay. she can handle it. see, ponchartrain ain't asking. he's telling. let's go. not yet. see, a lot of girls -- they get hurt on this block, real bad. i never did nothing to you. right. but now you're gonna do for me. ah! ah! ahh! [ punching ] come on! you okay? i could use some help over here! flaherty?! are you okay, sarge? yeah. heard about alfred williams, lieutenant. i got the statements right. let me know when i.a.d. calls. hello, debbie. hi. guess who, debbie? woman: hi. if you're under 18, hang up -- now

ha ha ha ha ha. >> that man is like an elementary school on saturday morning, no class. that is just a classless comment. and it used to be that you would have that kind of stuff with the schoolyard, the kids and the corner, they say that kind of stuff and then the adults could get them in trouble. this is a not safe for work election. and the adults now say stuff that the kids are embarrassed by. >> first i want to give van a shout out for necessitating a fat albert joke. but look, i think he said it right. this man is a major figure in new hampshire. chief of staff of president george h.w. bush. and is it mean-spirit. and in this case there is no interpretation that is not mean spirited and dismissive to hillary clinton. >> bad taste. clearly. >>[chatter]. >> -- but in the sum total of what's happening out there, people's concerns about their jobs, the economy, isis, etc. this is will vanish in a second. >> jamie, hillary clinton is going appear with jay-z. okay? on the issue here. you just heard her say demeaning to women. i also find that sentence somewhat jarring. h

ha ha! ha ha! he really takes that business serious. yeah, i'm hip. here it is. ooh, ooh, rollo, that is bad. that's one of the best there is. it's got 35 small diamonds in the initials. one for each year. yeah, and for the price that we paid for it, it was a steal. that's close. hey, rollo, you didn't-- if i didn't get this on the up and up, i hope lightning strike me down right now this second. time's up. i thought i heard you talking to somebody. hey, mr. sanford. this is a very important day for you, huh? hey, pop, rollo's my friend. why don't you try and make him feel at home? i'm sorry, son. rollo, feel at home. i do. well, would you do me a favor? certainly. would you take the garbage out? of course. where is it? in your shoes. behave yourself, man. hey, man, that's all right. i was leaving anyway. hey, later. how about never? one dummy ain't enough in this house, home super dummy. well, super dummy chipped in with regular dummy and some of your other friends and we got you a little present. happy anniversary, pop. uh, where the present? did you drop it? i

but a local professor says he has a solution. >> ha, ha, ha. has a solution. >> ha, ha, ha. afoot and light-hearted i take to the open road. healthy, free, the world before me, the long brown path before me leading wherever i choose. the east and the west are mine. the north and the south are mine. discover card. i'm not a customer, but i'm calling about that credit scorecard. give it. sure! it's free for everyone. oh! well that's nice! well thank you. free at at discover.com/creditscorecard, >> jason: we all know this presidential election has been filled with controversy, stress and anxiety. as fox 25's elizabeth hopkins reports this morning, a local professor thinks everyone needs a good laugh right about now. >> ha, ha, ha. >> ha, ha, ha. >> reporter: if laughter is the best medicine. >> ha ha. >> reporter: invent tore and entrepreneur batia is doling out the prescription. ha, ha, ha. >> reporter: you want my photographer to do this? and no one is getting away without a healthy dose. >> hi, i'm mike, the photographer, ha, ha, ha. >> reporter: the cat laughter? >> like a

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ha ha ha ha. he's got a gun! do something! y-y-you're right, son. before i hand you my kneecaps on a platter?! thank you, partner. no sweat. will someone now call a policeman? i'm a policeman. there's gonna be a black mark on your record, dad, if you go through with this. looks like i'm gonna have to split town again, but i'm a little short on cash. ah, dave! you empty the till, and, everybody else, you empty your pockets. i don't have any pockets. o collect all the cash. my pleasure. lovely 7 and 3/4. dad, i plead with you. don't do this. that cap is filthy. you don't know where it's been. besides, the money you're taking from these guys -- son, please! i'm not superman, and even if i was, i wouldn't want to see you hurt or any of these people hurt either. please, please. i'm not a coward. hey! who said you could move?! [ sobs ] i told you, empty the pocket! [ sobbing ] all i have is a frog in my right pocket. please. he's telling you the truth, charlie. i'm a nonviolent person. here -- take your money and go and leave us all alone. i happen to be

ha ha ha ha ha. man, what a sight. he was some character, i'll tell you. i got news for you guys. belker's not dead. you're talking about him like he's already laid out at mt. pleasant's. you been back to 204 fullerton yet? as i recall, there was nobody in at the time. on our way, sarge. come on. get out of here, guys. come on. so right at the time i was lying to daryl ann, you were out boffing some hooker?! no, i was not! i went by to break it off, and she has this bomb she drops on me. she has this big idea -- she wants a copy of the vice squad duty roster, or she's gonna tell daryl ann. now, what am i supposed to do about that now?! you have one choice and only one -- tell daryl ann the truth! i can't! you gotta! what about this billie jo woman? bust her! i did it with her! it isn't entrapment if you didn't know she was a hooker. there were no transactions. r up. you wear a wire. give her the duty roster. and then i'll wait in the hall, and we'll... nail her on conspiracy and extortion. yeah. then we bust this woman, right? and then i tell my wife, right? and she walks out on m

ha-ha-ha-ha! edith, i was going to ask you if you've had an interesting life, but he just saved me the trouble. oh, hi! hi, oh, i promise not to guess your name if you promise not to guess mine. [laughs] [high-pitched laughing] i'm gonna get a drink. oh, amelia, what a wonderful turnout. it is good, isn't it? of course, not everybody could come, and some of us are no longer with us. oh, my. they left already? oh, no, no. they passed on. oh! yeah, danny pilsner? you remember him? just last year. oh, i'm sorry, but it don't surprise me. he was always very sickly. hey, amelia, i don't see your husband around. where is he? he didn't come. listen, edith-- wait a minute. what do you mean, he didn't come? he promised a very special client of his that he would go bowling with him. now, listen, edith. you hear that, edith? hey, he's going bowling. i had to come here with you. but archie, you wanted to come. that's right, arch, the minute you heard buck evans was going to be here. oh, well, that's right, su