. >> jimmy: causcher was. >> i was texting jimmy all night. >> jimmy: it was like a play by play. >> a play by play of the show. i was so excited. wow, she sat in this chair. [ laughter ]: >> jimmyat's the cher chair. >> that's the cher cahir. >> jimmy: that's the cher chair, of course. >> she sat in this chair. >> jimmy: oh my -- g so bad. >> jimmy: that'sd one. >> she hates my impression of her too. >> jimmy: she doesn't like it? >> she hates it, and she hates yours. >> jimmy: she kind of just stared at mine and was like -- >> yeah.od >> jimmy: keptng her head. >> right. et jimmy: and i was like, -- ♪ there was somhing in the air that night the stars were bright fernando ♪ >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and she was just staring at me. >> yeah. >> jimmy: nodding her head. >> that's amazing. >> jimmy: she was so great and nny, and we rehearsed. >> great, i loved it. >> jimmy: dude, we had so much fun with her. >> great show. >> jimmy: we were right about to go ou and i.er, me, cher, >> yeah. >> jimmy: so, we we're going to come out like sonny and cher holding hands. >> yes. >

. >> jimmy: we do have a -- >> do you? >> jimmy: clip. yes, here is kate beckinsale recreating a scene from "serendipity" with this porter. check this out. >> get in. take a breath and thenn the anor closes, hit a button. >> i don't underwhat you're saying. >> you don't have to understand. you just he to have faith. >> what? >> destiny. >> stop bothering me. i gotta work.al i'm going to cl my manager. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's great. >> he's the best ever. >> he is fantastic. >>e was such a sport. i'm so glad we get the opportunity to tell him thank you. >> jimmy: i heard this thing about you. i don't know if it's true or not. but i heard that you have a a very good fake sneeze. >> it is quite good, yeah. [ laughter ]di >> jimmy: how you know you could do a fake sneeze? >> well, i was really of jealous of people who had allergies when i was at school. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? >> i didn't have them. i didn't believe -- i believe it now. because i have every allergy going. but at school i didn't have them. so people woulsne

jimmy! >> jimmy: thank you for coming on the show. >> jimmy! >> jimmy: so nice to finally meet you. >> my mom's right there, dude. >> jimmy: oh, no way. hi, mom. wherever mom is. hi. hey, mom. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: he made it. he made it. you done good. he's a good kid. thank you for being on the show. >> thank you for having me. >> jimmy: i appreciate this. a few weeks ago we had someone on the show who said he's always being compared to you. >> my father? was it my dad? >> jimmy: do you know who i'm talking about? >> i think i may. is it mark -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> ruffalo? >> jimmy: mark ruffalo. people say you guys look alike and that you should play his son in some movie or something. >> i would be -- i would be honored. it's so weird. ever since i think i was like 14 or 15 -- i had come out to l.a. and was really young, so they'd say one of two things to me in auditions. they'd either be like, one, "you're too inexperienced, you suck. you know, try

and here's your host jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: hey! oh! oh, that's what i'm talking about. odllo! hi, ever we have a hot crowd! [ cheers and applause ] that is a hot, good-looking .rowd! welcome, everybo [ cheers and applause ] welcome to "the tonight show." please, give it up for the roots, right there, ladies and gentlemen. a [ cheers alause ] we have a -- we have a great show tonight. elle fanning is on the show tonight. [ cheers andpplause ] khalid is on the show. [ cheers and applause ] and kit harington is my guest tonight. [ cheers and alause ] that's right. kit harington is here. he stars on e "g thrones" -- for now. [ cheers ] have a seat, everybody. please, enjoy yourselves. first, let's get to some news here, guys.at i saw emocrats have formally requested six years of president trump's tax returns from the irs. then trump was like, "jokes on you.xe i didn't file any of those years." [ laughter and applause ] that right. the democrats are going after trump's tax returns. he doesn't want people to see them, because under e rital s

>> jimmy: whoa! >> steve: he's getting the stick too. >> jimmy: next up, @jasonb's pet got a "star wars" toy. but i think he likes one part of it a little too much. take a look at this. >> jimmy: come here, boy. >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: come here, boy. hey! [ applause ] next up is @robomash -- >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: posted a photo. he says that his dog likes to sit like a human. [ laughter ] weird. [ applause ] so, apparently, so does alexa's dog. and it turns out, so does selena's dog. yeah, they all -- [ applause ] this next person uploaded a a video of what her dog does when he gets in trouble. oh, this is cute. watch this. [ laughter ] [ audience aws ] >> jay! >> jimmy: come here boy. >> jay. [ audience aws ] stop it! ew, stop it. jay. [ applause ] >> jimmy: the last one here, rocco the english sheepdog has over 100,000 instagram followers. >> steve: whoa. >> jimmy: yeah. rocco the english sheepdog. but he still has some trouble getting on the couch. let's see it. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jim

>> jimmy: i paid for them. >> well, there you go. >> jimmy: there you go. >> jimmy: let's take a listen to one of those exclusive songs. this one's called "man let's have fun." ♪ ♪ i guess you have an airplane that can fly the world and we can have a fantasy ♪ ♪ it doesn't really matter if you drive a limousine it really doesn't matter if you drive ford galaxie ♪ ♪ i really don't care if you just drive a truck i don't care if you just drive a limousine ♪ ♪ it doesn't really matter if you drive a ferra ♪ >> jimmy: stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. [ applause ] >> questve: which writer was that? >> jimmy: no, no, it was not a a writer. dude -- ♪do ♪ it n't matter if you ride ♪ ♪ if you ride a ferrari it doesn't matter if you ride ford galaxie ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: that's fantastic. >> steve: all verse, no chorusve >> jimmy: i'ever hear anyone sing like that, ever. >> steve: no. >> jimmy: i kind of enjoy it. [ laughter ] ♪ it doesn't matter if ifu ride a limousine it doesn't matteou ride ford galaxie ♪ ♪ it doesn't matter if you ♪ ♪ [ laughter and ap

all good. >> jimmy: yeah. i want to talk about this world tour. >> yeah. >> jimmy: because i follow you on instagram, and i'm seeing all the photos and videos of you training training? >> training. >> jimmy: and you're full on, like, training. like, "the wolverine" was nothing comparedwh're do it's called "the man. the music. the show." >> yeah. >> jimmy: explain to me what is all of this? >> so i'm going around the world and i'm going to be performing in arenas. and i say this to convince myself that it's a shock to me, too. and i'm going to be performing stuff from "the greatest showman," "les misérables," "the boy from oz." from my first show that i ever did which was "beauty and the beast." i played gaston. [ cheers and applause ] none of you saw that. anyway. it was in melbourne. but i'm going to tell stories, i'm going to dance until my feet fall off. and i'm just going to have the time of my life. >> jimmy: i mean, isn't it amazing though that you're able to do that? >> yeah. >> jimmy: i mean, these ar

>> jimmy: wow. that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. >> steve: you're welcome. >> jimmy: thank you. ♪ >> steve: who're you going to thank on this one? >> jimmy: well, i just thanked you. [ laughter ] >> steve: what's that? >> jimmy: i will thank you. >> steve: oh. [ audience aws ] ♪ you don't have to write a note, though. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, i don't -- no. i would just say it verbally to you. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: and that's good. >> steve: thank you. >> jimmy: no, we're good. [ laughter ] ♪ [ laughter ] you almost said something. you almost did but you didn't. >> steve: i did not. >> jimmy: no, i understand that. >> steve: i thought better. i said, you know what? i don't want to mess with your flow and rhythm. you have so many people to thank you don't need me wasting time while you got people to thank. you know what i mean? >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: thank them. thank away. >> jimmy: yet here we are. >> steve: yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you know. but this is a good on

and now, first of all, jimmy kimmel. chaus kwhaus ♪ >> jimmy: very hi, everybody. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching at home. thank you for joining us. very nice. a windy, windy california, boy, was, i don't now if you were outside last night, but the wind was very windy last night. the whole town sounded like a drybar. you could see yoga mats turning into flying carpets all around los angeles. 35,000 homes lost power last night. one of them was mine. did your house lose power last night? >> no, jimmy. >> jimmy: my house is always the first to lose power. and when the power goes out at my house, i walk around like an idiot, because i keep forgetting. and i'll be like, the power's out, i guess i'll watch tv, oh, all right, maybe i'll make some toast. i go to the toaster. oh, yeah, right, the toast needs heat. and the power's out for about 12 how muches in o hours hours in our house, and our daughter spent the morning projectile vomiting. astronomers have released what they believe to be the first-ever image of a black hole. how they shot this, i don't

>> jimmy! >> jimmy: yes. >> it was actually 20 minutes. >> jimmy: okay, sorry. back up, everybody, here we go. another -- 20 minutes. [ cheers and applause ] >> now you want me to tell you all the film or lead it into a a clip? >> jimmy: just lead into a a clip, really. >> basically it's the man who killed don quixote. jonathan pryce is playing quixote. adam driver, who you may have heard of -- >> jimmy: love adam driver. >> and he's a commercials director. but ten years earlier, before he became successful, rich, cynical, he was a young filmmaker and he made a film. and it was made into a little village. and he used the local people. a shoemaker who ended up going crazy because he was playing quixote and ended up being quixote. and now he's in spain shooting a commercial and he realizes he's only a short distance away from the town that he mad e this little film. and he's going to go back and see all the wonderful people he'd worked with. he goes back and he realizes that he's ruined all their lives, basically. and in his quest for quixote, he meets jonathan wh

and now, what luck, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching it. thank you for coming to it. it.. welcome to southern california where we are, we are, for those around the country who don't know, right now we are in the middle of two weekends of music in the desert. it's an event known as coachella music and arts festival. more music than arts. anyone go to coachella last weekend or coming up this weekend? [ applause ] >> jimmy: and you're probably lying, right? so the attention on coachella has suddenly shifted to another festival in the desert, the original in fact, the gathering known as burning man. the burning manifest vvavavava facing a threat in the bureau of land management. they want more focus on safety and sanitation. they want to put up barriers around the area. they want dumpsters on site and security to screen people for weapons and drugs. do people bring drugs to burning man? is that a, i certainly hope not, because of course the organizers of the festival object to all this. they

i'd love to do that, jimmy. >> jimmy: what's that? >> $10 million. >> jimmy: yeah, all right. i don't know exactly what you're saying, but yes, definitely. all right. i'll be in touch, okay? >> okay, jimmy. >> jimmy: it's going to be like brewster's millions. thank you. have fun, i'll see you soon. all right. [cheers and applause] how good would that be? huh? yeah. you want to come with us? >> yeah, sure. >> jimmy: yeah, absolutely. that would be a lot of fun. >> that would be great. >> jimmy: one more item before we forge ahead. it's thursday night, it's time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not, it is this week in unnecessary censorship. >>h, just want tthth president again for the tremendous opportunity to [ bleep ], this [ bleep ]. >> the president says he has not [ bleep ] robert mueller's [ bleep ] because he says he has been exonerated. >> basically, blue cross blue shield would be reduced to [ bleep ]. >> nbc 7, [ bleep ]ing our families. >> i would have swallowed it before you had given me a sip of water. >> we found this monkey

. >> jimmy: me, too. >> you have you no idea. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: me, too. i love it. i'm a fan of you and your work. i want to tell the story. i want you to tell the story about when you first got cast for "orange is the new black." >> yes. >> j: you were h wernghelping you out? >> a little bit -- a little bit of both. yeah. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> some money involved. >> jimmy: sure. >> you know. >> jimmy: you were doing, like, a job? >> yeah. >> jimmy: a gig. >> yeah, i was doing a gig. she is a makeup artist, and she wanted -- she was practicing prosthetics at her school, makeup forever. and she wanted -- she had this vision of making me a phoenix. >> jimmy: okay. >> so she was building a beak. and so i had this beak on and -- >> jimmy: you were going to be the bird, the phoenix. >> i was going to be the phoenix, but that's all i was at the time. i wanted more. [ laughter ] i wanted a job. you know, i wanted to be on television. i'm an actor, you know, that's what i wanted to do. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and so my manager calls me, i have this beak on. i can'

>> jimmy: yeah. speaking of -- what's that? >> steve: it's one inch taller. >> jimmy: yeah. scientists spent millions of dollars creating that robot. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: speaking of ropots, a a new just confirmed that the curiosity rover detected methane on ma [ audience oohs ] although you know what they say, "he who decected it, d it." [ laughter and applause ] finally, guys, this is very interesting. w saw that a school in japan is teaching people become professional mascots. when the elmo in times square heard that, he was like, "r 15 bucks i'll give you a degree and my costume right now. let's do it. let's go. i don't care. [ cheers and applause ] i don't even need your clothes." guys, we love babies here on "t tonight show." they're always making, you know, funny faces and stuff like that. and sometimes whene see a a pict a baby, i think, "that baby deserves its own meme." so we asked our viewers to send in pictures of their babies and decided to turn them into meme it's time for a new se

. >> jimmy: there we go. mr. kaenpfer and jimmy, jimmy and tommy, everybody. we'll be right back with iron mike tyson. [cheers and applause] the one you can't that never goes on sale. because it's too good for sales. just keep waiting for that sale. [whispers] forever. for the one you thought would never go on sale. ebay. ♪ our thickest, toughest wipe... tackles any mess. yeah, i thought doing some hibachi grilling would help take my mind off it all. maybe you could relieve some stress by calling geico for help with our homeowners insurance. geico helps with homeowners insurance? they sure do. and they could save us a bundle of money too. i'm calling geico right now. cell phone? it's ringing. get to know geico and see how much you could save on homeowners and condo insurance. pringles wavy. get to know geico and see how much you could with a big new crunch and totally different flavors, they're not really pringles. just like that's not really daddy. yes it is. ok. new pringles wavy. they're not, not pringles. friends & family sale - the savings add up!... wi

. >> star. >> jimmy: star. >> staar >> jimmy: st >> star. star, star, star! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ it's so cool being here with you two stings on the moon ♪ ♪ every day is so brand new two stings on the moon it's warm in spa ♪ ♪ with you my friend two stings on the moon wh do you think ♪ ♪ this song might end two stings o two stings on the moon ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> hey. ♪ the song will enden the song will quite soon ♪ [ cheers and applaone ] [ harming ] [ cheers and applause ] [ coughing ] [ cheers and applause ]ne anyoan go fast. the question is... is fast enough? ♪ or, do you want speed and style? power and attraction? exhilaration and distinction? ♪ introducing performance, born of refinement. ♪ the lexus rc line. ♪ experience amazing at your lexus dealer. experience amazing " when betickens are hatched, we will hatch them." it's why all of the tyson chicken that bears his name is raised with no antibiotics ever. every nugget, strip and drumstick. keep it real. keep it tyson. what! she's zip lining w

sure, here you go. >> jimmy. >> jimmy: hi. >> hi, how are you? >> jimmy: good. were you dancing? >> i am a little bit. >> jimmy: good. all right, cool. what is your name and where are you from? >> i'm sasha and i'm from new york city. >> jimmy: hey, new york city. not bad, buddy. pleasure. >> pleasure to meet you. >> jimmy: thank you for making the trip. now, what personal question would you like to ask the trump magic eight ball? >> am i going to win the lottery? >> jimmy: great, why not? good question, let's give it a a shake. see what president trump has to say. will you win the lottery? >> that's not possible. is that possible? [ audience boo's ] i don't think so. [ laughter and applause ] sorry, buddy. not going to win the lottery. you're a very good looking man. you're a very good looking man. who else? ♪ who else? yes, of course. yes, stand up. hi. >> hi. >> jimmy: welcome, welcome, welcome. >> thank you. >> jimmy: thank you for being here. what is your name and where are you from? >> angie from staten island. >> jimmy: hey, angie from staten island, hey. [ cheers and ap

jimmy! >> jimmy: where are we? ♪ ♪ some of y'all might get winded and some of y'all won't but listen ♪ ♪ let me clear my throat oh have mercy babe i hope you don't mind ♪ ♪ let me clear my throat here we go now check it out aha aha ah ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: where's my eggs? where's my eggs? [ cheers and applause ] when you're actually doing it, you really feel much better than what it looks like. [ laughter ] >> steve: okay. that's good. >> jimmy: just to put it in perspective. 'cause i was like, i'm nailing this, man. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: like, i don't get what the big hard thing -- a little dancing is all. and watching it back, i'm like, i am terrible. [ laughter ] oh, my gosh. but my thanks to alex rodriguez. oh, my gosh. [ cheers and applause ] alex. bonded for life. our instructor sarah and all the other dancers. oh, my gosh. that was so much fun to do. i couldn't believe it. last night was crazy. guys, we have some great news today. today, we won two webby awards. >> steve: woa

like, it's fine. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's fine, i love it. >> jimmy: and bts. >> i know. >> jimmy: do you have any idea? >> bt-dubs. bts is there. >> jimmy: yeah, bts, bt-dubs. people have been camping out for your show the whole week. there are people on the sidewalks. >> i know. >> jimmy: it's a hot show, man. >> there's people sleeping out there. and i was like, "you guys, that's so sweet, you can just come see the show." they were like, "it's for bts." >> jimmy: no, no, no. >> no, truly, it is. they just did -- i just saw their sound check today, and i involuntarily screamed. >> jimmy: right? [ light laughter ] >> i'm actually not kidding. it came out of my body. it was like -- [ shriek ] it was like a chemical reaction happened. [ light laughter ] it was -- they're incredible. >> jimmy: yeah, they're giant. when you -- since you were last here you got nominated for another academy award. congratulations on that. >> oh, thanks, jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's a big deal. i love -- i mean, i know everybody's just like, "oh, awards don't mean anything," but it's pret

this is not good. >> jimmy. >> jimmy: you suck. >> that's fine. >> jimmy: you suck. >> i heard a lot worse last night. [ crack of the bat ] >> there we go. >> jimmy: that's barely -- oh, my god. that count as a home run? >> front row homers, those are the best ones. >> jimmy: five. all right, it's not bad. five. >> five homers. >> jimmy: look at this. >> you're up. [ crack of the bat ] first one. that's gone. >> jimmy: yeah, that's a homer. come on, aaron judge. look, his head's not even on the -- 5-1. [ crack of the bat ] oh, man. put your hands and get your gloves out. it's another dinger. apple -- the big apple. look, the umpire's back is to it. that how disrespectful the umpires here. [ laughter ] >> swing and a miss. >> jimmy: i'm freaking out right now. >> swing and a miss. >> jimmy: i can't lose. this -- come on. i need four to win. [ crack of the bat ] that is gone. come on. throw it. [ crack of the bat ] it's four. >> is it gone? yeah. >> jimmy: yes, definitely gone. >> way gone. >> jimmy: yeah, it's called a a home run, no big deal. you've ever seen one before? oh, my gosh,

>> jimmy: it's jimmy, not sully. my name is jimmy. >> yeah, whatever, jimmy. you want a piece of me? if you want a piece of me, let's go right now, you and me, mano and baby. >> jimmy: i don't want a piece of you. i just wanted to know, how did this happen? how did you hurt your dad's eye? >> all right, all right, so listen to this. i'm just sitting at home, watching my [ bleep ], watching tom brady the tank engine. >> jimmy: it's thomas the engine, not tom brady. >> are you going to keep interrupting me or what? >> jimmy: i'm sorry. >> i'm sitting at home, watching the television and all of the sudden this dot rat tries to tell me it's bedtime. [ bleep ] picks me up. picked me up! so what do i do? i scratch him right in the eye, pow. >> jimmy: okay, okay. hey, can i ask what's that you're drinking? >> it's sam adams and my mommy's boobie juice. it's delicious. you cannot get this stuff at dunkies. >> jimmy: so you're saying you scratched your father's eye on purpose then? >> what am i supposed to do, not fight back? no, sir. i'm from southie, right? not like

here's your host jimmy fallon! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, oh, no! oh, no, i couldn't -- no, i wouldn't --ou i couldn't, i n't! oh! i love you. i love you. i love you. [ cheers and applause ] welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show," everybody. [ cheers and applause ] please give it up for the ro ls right theries and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] have a seat.om we have a seat. welcome, you guys. guys, it is the weekend and march madness is back, with the final four. [ cheers ] the game's -- yeah, i'm excited too. [ cheers and applause ] the games are in minneapolis. and i heard that the ncaa actually had to take down some signs that they hung up around the city, beuse they misspelled ncaa. [ laughter ] guy who did it was like, "why didn't my parents bribe me into a better college?" ah! [ laughter and applause ] that's right. they misspelled ncaa as ncca. [ laughter ] and if you think that's bad, you want to know how they misspelled virginia. laughter and applause ] this weekend we also have wrestlemania 35. oh. [ cheers and applause ] and

>> jimmy: yes, hold my hand. >> i'm scared, jimmy. >> jimmy: no please, look at this. [ cheers ] here's your pal and director, emilio estevez! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hey there, bud. emilio estevez, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] >> take a bow. >> jimmy: take a -- emilio! [ cheers and applause ] >> happy birthday. happy birthday. >> thank you. >> jimmy: that you for being here. i appreciate it. thank you, pal. [ cheers and applause ] now, alec, i have to give -- i have to give you -- i have to give you my gift. >> okay. >> jimmy: yeah. [ clears throat ] i'm not going to do something sappy. i'm not going to sing. i'm not going to sing for you. >> i don't want it to be something sappy. >> jimmy: i promise i won't sing. i'm not going to sing. in fact, i'm not going to be the one singing you to. i'm going to be lip syncing to you while -- [ cheers ] kelly clarkson sings to you. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ simply the best better than all the rest better than anyone anyone i ever met ♪ ♪ you're simply the best [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: kelly cl

. >> jimmy: wow! [ cheers and applause ] that is how to -- that is how to do it right there. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] nathan lane. standing ovation. you can see "gary: a sequel to titus andronicus" right now at the booth theater on broadway. pitbull joins us after the break. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ verizon got us vip tickets three feet away from justin timberlake. my wife, me, jt. (vo) get more music on us with vip tickets from verizonup. plus get a free galaxy s10e when you buy one. only on verizon. this is ode to state farm winning five j.d. power awards in a row for life insurance. ( ♪ ) in b minor. ( ♪ ) woman: great stuff. molly got dressed for a big night out with her closest friends. john got dressed for his first first date in what feels like a really long time. john! hi! >>hi. sasha got dressed to crush her job interview. it looks good! and millions of other americans got dressed for millions of other personal moments. that's why at stitch fix we don't just

[cheers and applause] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everyone. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you very much. appreciate that. i miss you already. very nice. thank you very much. we are coming to from -- thank you, thank you. please, now it's embarrassing. sit back, relax. we are coming to you from las vegas, nevada. we are in the thothor theater. i came in on an airplane, i'll be leaving on a mobility scooter. here's why vegas is number one. [cheers and applause] i'll explain it. it's not just one city. all the greatsies cities of th world are represented here. you've got new york, paris, rome, margaritaville. vegas is the city that's been jacked up on red bull for 48 hours straight. there is alcohol everywhere here. there's even a bar at drybar. in vegas. even drybar isn't dry. that's how much alcohol there is. but i have to hand it to our crew and staff, even though there have been many temptations to drink to excess, to stay up too late. we have the most professional group here. they've, safety is our number one priority here at the show. i w

>> jimmy: no. just the cutest baby you ever saw in your whole life. [ cheers and applause ] so guillermo is wearing a typer. and he -- [ laughter ] and he needs to be changed. so i've got a stopwatch here and i've got a diaper and i have some baby powder. [ laughter ] and some formula or whatever that is. do you want to give it a shot and we'll time you? [ cheers and applause ] take off the jacket as well. guillermo, no, no, that's his job, put your clothes on. >> guillermo: that's his job, okay. >> jimmy: babies don't undress themselves. so where do you want to do it? do you want to do it on the couch here? >> that's -- that's because of the diaper, right? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, that's diaper related, don't worry. >> should we do it on the couch? do it on the floor? >> jimmy: wherever you want, you're in charge. tell me when you want me to start the timer. [ cheers and applause ] guillermo, i see you've been working out. feeling good about it? everything in order? any other supplies you might need?

. >> jimmy: no. michael, good to see you and thank you for coming back to our program. >> my pleasure. >> jimmy: you look like a stud and thank you so much. i always appreciate you. [ laughter ] always stylish. always rocking something cool. >> i think a little -- i'm a little hotter every time i come, right? [ laughter ] a little hotter every time i come to the show. have you noticed that? >> jimmy: oh, people -- i can feel it. you know, it's like people were talking about it on the internet, you know. i can just -- on twitter, i was just checking, everyone's talking about that. so it's just -- >> oh, wow. >> jimmy: it's happening. [ light laughter ] >> you get that so quick. >> jimmy: you get it -- well, it's real-time. >> that's actually just a a picture of a mountain. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is it, though? [ laughter ] oh, man. it actually is just a picture of a mountain. [ laughter ] >> i'm not that good at pretending. >> jimmy: it's all right. [ light laughter ] what are you talking about? you'v

are you, jimmy, come back to me, jimmy. >> jimmy: "american idol." >> yes. >> jimmy: you love this kid,'s a giant. >> uche. >> jimmy: you think he has what it takes to become a star? >> let me tell you what it is. the american vote, by the way, they have been spot on. >> jimmy: mm-hm. >> the selection of the artists have been great. singing against singing, performing is entertaining. for example if i put mick jagger on "american idol." >> jimmy: right. >> that's not a stiinger, he's stylist. he's a performer. he'll give you the standing ovation every night. uche gives us the standing ovation every night which means he's a performer. he knows how to entertain. so when they came up and said he's voted off, i had a nervous break down. >> jimmy: you seemed upset. >> every night i can count on uche to do one thing. the crowd will be on their feet. >> jimmy: and uche is fun to say, and you saved him. do you think there's any chance, will uche perform with you or anything like that? maybe tour with you? >> you know, i never thought about that, but i would love to have him. because he's, migh

ughter ] >> jimmy: $8.75, that's -- >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: good price. >> steve: i love it. >> jimmy: i like big buttitos. >> steve: i love buttitos. >> jimmy: and i cannot lie. [ laughter ] >> steve: i cannot lie, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: the other people can deny. >> steve: yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we're down to ou i last one herwas sent in by robert perry in oregon. he was shopping online and unotted a great walmart deal. let's see what he free two day shipping and in-store pickup an israeli tank. there you go. [ laughter ] you can get it right there. [ applause ] that's all the time we have for screen grabs. if you have a funny screen grab, email it to us at gr scres@tonightshow.com. we might put it on the show. nd, we'll be right back with chelsea handler. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ applebee's bigger, bolder grill combos. now that's eatin good in the neighborhood. aww. yaaaayyy!!! aww. yaaaayyy!!! aww. yaaaayyy!!! we hide hotel names, so you can find four star hotels at two star prices. ♪ h-o-t-w-i-r-e ♪hotwire.com [ "werk it" by mama haze ] ♪ watch

. ♪ >> jimmy: val? >> yes. >> jimmy: a toast to you. you're getting married. >> yes, i am. >> jimmy: a toast to val, everyone. >> woo! >> jimmy: this is my first bachelorette party, so i'm excited. >> me too. >> welcome! >> jimmy: do any of you have any stripping experience? >> no. >> jimmy: okay, not everyone said no. so val, how long have you known your fiance? >> eight years. >> jimmy: eight years? wow. how do you like his mother? >> i love her. >> jimmy: you do? >> yes. >> good for you, i don't like my mother-in-law. >> she got a good one. >> jimmy: and that's an understatement. yes. i want everyone to stay hydrated tonight, all right? >> all right. >> jimmy: it's very important. >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: let's go to the pole. >> okay. this is stripper 101. be ready to polish dance. this is heather. she will be your instructor. >> fabulous, wonderful, welcome, welcome. come on in, ladies, you can put your stuff down. cubbyholes there. >> jimmy: conducubbyholes are f your prersonal property. >> let's get started. our first tip, ladies,

. >> jimmy: oh. >> yeah. this is how it's going to go, jimmy. >> jimmy: i got you. there's no point in continuing this. were you happy to see everybody? because you know, you don't get to really see each other that much, right? you shot it a while ago and all of a sudden you're together for this press deal. >> it's awesome. we have a really great time together. like on saturday and sunday i got to like see everybody. spend some time with scarlett. we did a lot of one-on-ones. and also got to hang with brie and it was really, really cool. >> jimmy: they had empty seats, a whole row of empty seats for the fallen avengers. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i wonder if the fallen avengers are like, good, we don't have to go do press for this movie. we know they're coming back, right? they're coming back. are they coming back? they're not killing spiderman and leaving spiderman dead, it's -- he's spider-man. it's impossible. >> jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's that. >> i'll let you do your thing with that. i can say nothing. >> jimmy: you can't say anything. >> i'm just

and now, hold on, jimmy kimmel. ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: very nice. nice. nice. welcome. hi, everybody. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. las vegas was nice. hey, who watched the -- i know not everyone has a tv anymore, but who watched the college basketball game last night? [cheers and applause] you missed a good one if you didn't, the virginia cavaliers beat texas tech in overtime last night. virginia overcame very talented opponents, and as a ults are, t the players walk away with the top prize of zero dollars. the coach is tony bennett. when i saw his name trending, it made me nervous, because the other tony bennett's 92. that's last thing you want to see. while it was a magical night for tony, it was a tough loss for texas tech and it may have been tougher for texas senator ted cruz, a lot of texas tech fans think he's to blame for the loss because of this tweet sent moments before the end of regulation. he wrote 35 seconds, one-point lead, go red raiders. number one defense. and by the moment he posted it, the game wa

that's ridiculous. >> jimmy: that's ridiculous. ♪ stormy >> jimmy: what [ laughter ]te >>: what >> jimmy: hey, guys, wrestlemania 35 is this weekend.e and my favorrt is all the smack talk [ laughter ] you got to make your opponent scared before they even step into the ring withou so it got me thinking, could wrestlers make any trash talk seem intimidating?ou to fin we asked kids to send us their best taunts and still make them terrifyingd it's time for "kid trash talk. re we go ♪ ♪ kids talk trash trash talk ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: now remember, these re to do our first taunt is s. the winner of last year's wwe greatest royal rumble. give it up for braun strowman! [ cheers and applause ♪ >> you want a piece of me? do you want a piece of me? i'm going to kick your butt a until you fall ike and i'm not joking because, when i'm kidding, i say "knock, knock!pp [ cheers anduse ♪ >> jimmy: all right. [ laughter ] next, give it up for the former wwe smackdown women's champion,a ca [ cheers and appla♪e ♪ >> come at me, you noodle. i'll wax you new york style. ♪ [ ch

. >> jimmy: interesting. >> they had me die day two. >> jimmy: why? >> because we were shooting in winter and they wanted it to be cold and dreary and depressing, which it was. >> jimmy: so your second day of work you die? >> i died. yeah. [ laughter ] it was -- it was like, "nice to meet you" and then my death bed.: >> jimodbye, yeah. >> but dominic is standing behind the camera looking at me and he just can't stop laughing becausve these green teeth. and he's, like, not making it easy for me. >> jimmy: you shot this in brussels? >> shot it in brussels last year. yeah. >> jimmy: wow. did you get to elore? i did a lot of backpacking around europe. i did some, like, train rides to cool places. but then i also weirdly did a a bunch of escape rooms. [ light laughter ] i don't know why i went to brussels and did escape rooms. >> jimmy: why -- wait, wait -- different than american escape rooms? >> kinda, yeah, different themes, i guess. d some of them -- i mean, they were all in english. i mean, i wouldn't have ever escaped otherwise.as but itun. >> jimmy:

and it's -- >> jimmy: and she's right? >> ish. yeah. >> jimmy: all right. we're going to take a break here. we're going to nine-dfind out everything that's going on in the kardashians' lives. we're with the kardashians in las vegas. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" in las vegas are brought to you by walmart. unlo. when you open a bottle of beer, i don't think many people actually know the level of science that's filled into that bottle. back in time, it took carlsberg several years to produce a new beer. but using microsoft artificial intelligence, we will be able to detect new flavors in a split second and develop better beers faster. with ai, we redefine what's possible. so cheers! hi, what's this social security alert? it's a free alert if we find your social security number on the dark web. good, cuz i'm a little worried about my information getting out. why's that? [bird speaking] my social is 8- 7- 5 dash okay, i see. [bird laughing] somebody thinks it's hilarious. free social security alerts from discover. somebody thinks it's hilarious. so

i'm jimmy kimplmel. >> i know that. >> jimmy: i used to live here. >> i heard that. >> jimmy: can we come in? >> it's a little messy. >> jimmy: it was a mess when i lived here. you are want to go in? it seems smaller, you know? our tv was over here and the couch was over there. and i iced to stand up there. that was my room right there. this story is probably too dirty for television, but i went to the video time and rented a porno, and i was very excited. and, and i put it in the vcr. it was the only one. it was down here, and i put it in, and it made so much noise. and i just sensed something is off, something is wrong. and i slowly turn around and i realize my mother's sleeping right here. and i q zejecthe thing, the tap heart pounding. do you still have a pool in the back yard? >> yeah. >> jimmy: come on out and see the pool. i spent many hours in this pool. why do you have a car door with bullet holes in it? you're not a mafia target or anything like that? >> no. >> jimmy: okay. someone crashed through this wall and died here in our back yard. i was in this bedroom right here. i