>> jimmy: steal! >> questlove: aah! >> jimmy: steal! [ buzzer ] >> questlove: aah. >> jimmy: "cobra kai!" "cobra kai!" >> questlove: i -- sorry -- i -- >> that was great. [ cheers and applause you got it though. >> questlove: i was working all last year. i forgot the name of it. i'm sorry. >> no, it's all good >> questlove: sorry. >> jimmy: now -- now, everyone our teams pick someone to represent our team leslie, please represent us. >> really? >> jimmy: yeah >> questlove: yeah, no, you go that was -- that was fun >> me? >> questlove: yes. >> jimmy: and you both pick the same number. and then, whoever gets it first -- this one for 10,000 points [ cheers and applause >> what? that was - >> 10,000 points >> jimmy: points >> oh. >> jimmy: points no dollars points >> okay, all right >> we don't -- >> questlove: what do we do with those points? [ audience shouting >> questlove: two. two. >> do you want two >> go for it >> jimmy: yeah wow. all right, i'm not looking, not looking. >> okay. ooh. >> oh, interesting [ audience ohs ] >> questlove:

>> jimmy: yeah a little controversy - >> controversy - >> jimmy: yeah, controversy. because -- a little controversy. >> there's no controversy. >> jimmy: there is >> no, there's not okay, go on. tell the thing >> i think you're going to bring up what i think needs to be addressed >> jimmy: thank you. the polar plunge >> thank you, for having the courage to speak truth to power. >> jimmy: wow, finally >> thank you >> jimmy: the polar plunge - everyone knows what a polar plunge is, right they say you go in the freezing cold lake or water, and you go in and you go -- >> can i set the stage it was 16 degrees. it was freezing. jenna and i were in bathing suits, okay? >> jimmy: that's polar plunge. >> wait, we had to go into the ocean. okay >> jimmy: yes. >> okay. >> don't let her reframe - >> jimmy: that's the polar plunge everyone agrees with you everyone, get your clickers out. do you agree [ laughter ] no, don't get your clickers out. so you said "yes" so great but then, i have video of you doing the plunge >> yeah. >> jimmy: here's hoda doing the polar plunge >> yeah.

. >> jimmy: why? it's patrick, not padraig. [ laughter ] by the way, with the way you spell "katrina," you shouldn't be telling anybody. [ applause ] it's like a jumble, you look at it. >> we just love extra vowels in ireland. >> jimmy: you like paddy? paddy's with ds? >> st. paddy's day. >> jimmy: i guess you'd know better than we do. >> the other thing is nobody eats corned beef and cabbage, not together, it's not a dish. i don't know. maybe in 1890s or whenever people came over first. >> jimmy: nobody eats corned beef and cabbage in ireland? >> no, no. >> jimmy: do they eat them separately? >> the cabbage, not so much the corned beef. >> jimmy: not the corned beef? >> not since maybe the '40s or '50s, i don't know. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: corned beef is one of my favorite things in the world. >> i don't even know what that is. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we've got to remedy that. because a good corned beef sandwich, are you kidding me? >> like, is it -- >> jimmy: have you ever had pastrami?

. >> jimmy: yes. if you don't mind, wait until after weezer and we'll come back and announce. >> i'll get you the announce >> jimmy: michael cera, everybody. "life and beth" is on hulu. we'll be back with weezer. ♪ >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. check out this vrbo. oh man. ♪ come on. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ sandwiches shouldn't come from a tanning salon! they should be served straight from the fryer and piping hot. that's kentucky fried to order! kfc. it's finger lickin' good. >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i want to thank wanda sykes and michael cera. apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. tomorrow night, jamie lee curtis and brian tyree henry, with music from coin. "nightline" is next, but first, their ep is called "seasons, spring." here with the song, "a little bit of love," weezer! [ cheering and applause ] ♪ ♪ a little bit a litt

i would be jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: jimmy o. kimmel. that right? your girlfriend's last name is kimmel? >> yes. >> jimmy: there aren't a lot of us. in fact some say there are too many, but there aren't a lot of us. >> it could be related. >> jimmy: i'll go through the whole thing with you once we hit the commercial. but i do want to -- well, first of all, i love the show "silicon valley. you were so funny on that. >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: and i imagine most people know you from the movies and from television shows. but you started doing stand-up comedy, and still do stand-up comedy. >> absolutely. still my first love and one of my top loves. >> jimmy: were you a kid when you started doing it? >> i might have looked like a kid. >> jimmy: how old with you? >> 21. >> jimmy: that's a kid. >> if you start before 21, they make you wait outside. because they serve alcohol in comedy clubs. >> jimmy: in the old days they didn't. not only would they let you in and go on stage, some of the older comedians would give you cocaine and ruin your life. >

>> jimmy: well. i wanted it to be a surprise. [ laughter ] to both of us. >> that's good, that's good. >> jimmy: it's a "best dad" oscar. and a magnet with "hollywood" on it, that's nice, right? >> you're forgiven, you're forgiven. [ applause ] >> jimmy: what you should do, you're in "don't look up," nominated for best picture. [ cheers and applause ] bring that along with you to the oscar ceremony. will you be at the oscars? >> absolutely, i'm going to be there this year, really excited. >> jimmy: that will be fun, getting back to normal. >> with hosts, yes. >> jimmy: with hosts, funny hosts too. >> really funny hosts. >> jimmy: it's very good to see you, thanks for coming. >> thanks for having me. >> jimmy: the show, the movie, "tyler perry's a madea homecoming." it premieres friday on netflix in any language you can imagine. tyler perry, everybody! be back with usher. if i go to sleep right now, i can get more.... four hours. that's not good. what is time? time. time is just a construct. construct

>> jimmy: right. tiffany's and a hardware store. name one hardware store. just one. the only two things donald trump buys are tennis bracelets and plungers. [ laughter ] and this wasn't the only instance. he did the same thing at his rally in georgia over the weekend. >> hot hell ever heard of this stuff? you go to the stores and the stores are -- the cupboards are empty. you go into tiffany, where is your -- sir, we think we can have it in the next seven to eight months. >> jimmy: yeah, i got a hooker waiting for a bracelet! [ laughter and applause ] so down to earth, just a regular guy. donald trump spends more time thinking about tiffany the store than tiffany the daughter. [ laughter ] and thanks to trump, we've got a whole junior army of knuckleheads running around. in the nebraska state legislature, they were debating a bill meant to help children with behavioral issues when a state senator named bruce bostelman decided to go all-in on a what turned out to be a made-up story about kids who ident

>> jimmy: i'm regal! what i want to talk about your new show too >> yeah. >> jimmy: so it's mtv, "becoming a popstar. i love all these shows, but here's what i like about this. it's the vocal talents everyone is from tiktok. >> tiktok. it's the theme of the day. >> jimmy: it really is the theme of the show. we didn't even know about this but, i was thinking if tiktok was around when you guys were starting out, you would have destroyed. you would have ruled tiktok. >> i was going to say ruined it >> jimmy: no, no sorry, no. ruled it ruled it ruled. >> i think we would have figured out some fun things. we're not big dancers, but back in the day, me and my brothers would always be asked by our record label at the time, "hey, can you -- can you encourage people to go out there and listen to your music, go buy this album, blah, blah --" and we're like, "we just don't feel right being, like, a salesman on camera." so, we'd come up with fun videos and post them on our myspace or youtube >> jimmy: yeah, you were

>> guillermo: always, jimmy. >> jimmy: always. guillermo and i are always looking for ways to pump each other up. so one of the writers here at our show, a guy named louis, told us about a workout he did that supposedly sculpts your physique by pumping electricity through your body. it's called e.m.s., which stands for electrical muscle stimulation. tom holland supposedly did it when he was preparing to play spider-man. and anything that's good enough for spider-man is good enough for me and good enough for guillermo. so we tried it. >> jimmy: all right. so here we are at the electrocution center. this is louis. louis is a writer on our show. what was it you said about this that got me interested and tricked me into agreeing to do it? >> it's a workout session, but it's only 20 minutes. so that's the best part of it. but also you're being zapped with electricity throughout the entire session. it's incredibly exhausting. it's like four hours of exercise in 20 minutes is what they say, and you leave so sore. >> guillermo: you lose w

jimmy. before, we'd always be late, and on empty. now we're just late. kids! before, no one used to listen to me! hello id? i'm cold! before, we couldn't take in the sweet sounds of nature. seriously. before it can change the world, it has to change yours. the all-electric volkswagen id.4 ♪ (upbeat music) ♪ lots of vitamins a and c and only 45 calories a serving. good morning, indeed. v8. the original plant-powered drink. veg up. when you really need to sleep. you reach for the really good stuff. zzzquil ultra helps you sleep better and longer when you need it most. its non-habit forming and powered by the makers of nyquil. ♪ ♪ hey, i get it, commitment can be scary. but not when you're saving up to 15% with subscribe and save at amazon. you get free repeat delivery on your favorite items and if things don't work out, you can always cancel. seriously, no one will judge you if you call it off. ok! learn all the ways to save with amazon. for people who could use a lift new neutrogena®

[ cheers and applause >> jimmy: that's so good >> jimmy, like the bowl. >> jimmy: i love that. yeah, i love that. you're doing "saturday night live" this saturday. >> yes >> jimmy: which, of course, is -- on saturday, and it's live [ light laughter ] but you performed on "snl" with bad bunny, and you were amazing, by the way. >> did you like it >> jimmy: i loved it yeah, he's a pal, and i'm always -- i'm such a fan of yours. i'm so psyched to meet you and tell you in person how much i love you >> same. >> jimmy: i can't wait to watch. congrats on everything please come back with more text messages >> yay >> jimmy: yeah, just text me [ cheers and applause "motomami" is out march 18th rosalia, everybody check her out as the musical guest this weekend on "saturday night live." we'll be right back with a a performance from omar apollo stick around [ cheers and applause ♪ and now most admired alum! get up there. this is so embarrassing. there's no way it's me. you know her.... you love her.... ruh roh. what are you doing here? it's anna gomez! who? our first gigillionaire! with at

right now, jimmy kimmel is up. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- sandra oh, ciara and russell wilson, and music from mitski. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. thank you, everybody. that's very nice. guillermo. well, great, greetings, my fellow americans. i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thanks for watching. thanks for spending part of your taco tuesday with us here. you probably know, you're probably on vacation, but the president tonight, joe biden, delivered his first state of the union-soviet union-speech. [ laughter ] it was a tough speech. biden said that even though the country is divided right now, right now, we all need to come together and agree that the "sex and the city" reboot wasn't anywhere near what we hoped it would be. [ laughter ] they probably could have saved time and tweeted the state of the union is -- "malarkey af." [ laughter ] the state of our union is as strong as kim and kanye right now. [ laughter ] it's not. and not every lawmaker showed up to watch the speech, which is not the u

jimmy did not respond. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> my dad is very offended. >> jimmy: well. i -- first of all, i don't blame him. secondly, never got the cigars. >> i believe you. >> jimmy: thirdly, where are my cigars, guillermo? [ laughter ] >> guillermo: oh my -- i gave to it your assistant. [ laughter ] >> someone got some nice cigars. >> jimmy: i'm very meticulous, some might say neurotic, about thank you notes. i would have written him one. >> i'm sure. >> jimmy: i wrote a note to take to him. >> he'll love that so much. he will expect you'll be friend. >> maybe we will be friends, i don't know. maybe i'll be a defendant in his court. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: so you got married since the last time i saw you. >> i did, i got married in october. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: congratulations. >> thank you. >> jimmy: we have a photograph here of you and your husband and your dad officiating. now, is that legal? for a father to -- because like when they say, who gives this bride away or whatever. he'd be like, "oh, i mean, it's me in this case." right? >> right.

>> jimmy: people are thinking about doing it, because -- >> jimmy, don't do that, jimmy >> jimmy: no, no, i won't do it >> you mean to tell me there's people who have the unmitigated audacity to be treacherous to turn their backs on the orange and blue lifestyle that we have suffered through for years >> that's right! >> jimmy: we are new york knicks fans go new york, go new york, go go new york, go new york, go >> let's go! how dare you >> jimmy: just making sure just double checking a lot of people watching yeah, so -- finally, people who walk on a crowded sidewalk while staring at their phones. >> hey, listen, it's fine. they're from maine it's okay. >> they're allowed [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's it. i appreciate your opinions desus and mero right there >> jimmy [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: i want to show everyone a clip. here's desus and mero with denzel washington. take a look at this. >> what's a legendary stop on the 2? >> where would you get nervous >> where would i get nervous 241st. >> why >> because you know what it's weird because the train just ends. >> right >> and,

renee and jimmy -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah -- >> steve: you're up first. did you have a question? >> jimmy: well, yeah, i was just wondering -- >> steve: okay, you guys are up first. [ laughter ] to help you link your minds, would you please put your pinkies together, a la pinky swear? may i have the category please >> jimmy: we got this, bud we got this. >> steve: all right, ready >> jimmy: well, that was amazing technology >> steve: that's a pneumatic tube >> jimmy: yeah, you could have just had a card up there >> steve: no, no, no but this is a tube >> jimmy: i understand >> steve: because it's called "jinx. >> jimmy: yep. [ laughter ] >> steve: okay, ready? >> jimmy: yes. we got this. >> steve: put your minds together the category is, something green. whenever you're ready. >> jimmy: something green. okay ready? three, two, one. >> grass >> jimmy: shamrock [ buzzer ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: grass, of course >> steve: grass is great you get another chance >> jimmy: we have another chance we get it. all right. >> steve: three chances. >> jimmy: something

>> jimmy: of course not. yeah >> it was crazy that it counted as work. >> jimmy: well, he's one of the funniest people on earth and you did something where you dared him to make you break -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: to make you laugh. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and -- and this happened and the internet really -- this is bizarre got right in your face >> yeah, people pointed something out. >> jimmy: and -- [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: but -- that is your nose can we zoom in even -- your nose is bent in half >> yeah. [ laughter ] i didn't know my - >> jimmy: did you know your nose could do that >> i didn't know it could do that i think -- i saw that and i think technically i could fold it into an origami swan. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow, that's a talent >> that's a talent >> jimmy: yeah, not many people can do that. wow. uh, and did he -- he broke you, huh? >> he broke me >> jimmy: of course he did >> i mean, he is -- like, you know, the thing about forte was never "push him," because his line was farther than your line >

oh >> jimmy: right? that's something it's like a macaroon [ cheers and applause >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's not bad, right? >> i'm surprised, actually >> jimmy: you're surprised you enjoy these? >> it didn't look as appetizing as it is >> jimmy: yes -- thank you okay, you're not supposed to look at them, really okay, here we go the thin mints >> thin mints. >> jimmy: i mean, i didn't know they come in two tubes of like - all right, get ready [ light laughter ] i already, kind of, know this is -- yeah. >> okay. all right. >> jimmy: yep, here we go. daisy edgar-jones. yeah, basic. right? wait, wait hold it, wow wait a second. look at this i've never seen this what -- what do you mean "that" mine yes, exactly right oh, i love it! i love you come on. that's exactly right thank you. thank you very much. these are the best ones. [ cheers and applause i love you, girl scouts. i always support the girl scouts but i love you love mine good yeah, i love thin mints. the secret, though, right, you freeze them. right? [

. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> rayne. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> and reagan. >> jimmy: okay, all right. [ laughter ] rileigh, rayne -- all rs. i wonder -- oh, that's an inspirational sign. [ laughter ] anyway. sorry. i'm easily distracted. somebody saw greatness in me and i got excited, i don't know. all right. so -- okay, so now you guys are both wearing pink. that can't be a coincidence. but wait a minute. obviously we printed up some t-shirts because you're all wearing "best big sis" et cetera. let me talk to the kids. let me talk to reagan. reagan? >> yes? >> jimmy: who are you named after, reagan? >> hm -- my mom. >> jimmy: you're named after your mom? what's your mom's name? >> ayesha. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. well. [ applause ] so are you a junior, then? all right, reagan, i'm just going to go out on a limb and say you are not the member of the family. reagan, this is your family? >> yes. >> jimmy: it is? oh. then you're really confused, huh? [ laughter ] all right. okay. wow, all right. all right, rayne, is reagan really part of

: "jimmy falon." >> jimmy: "jimmy falon." >> steve: "jimmy falon." "who's the new guy?" >> jimmy: yeah, nbc is like, "yeah, you'll get there, one day, yeah. i was like, "don't take it off, don't change that, i gotta save that." so, anyway, thanks to everyone who worked on that show and everyone for watching us for all these years. i appreciate it. [ cheers and applause >> steve: fun times. here we are. 13 [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: guys, as i said earlier, yesterday was president biden's state of the union address. and after the speech i saw a a lot of politiciansea redct with statements of their own let's take a look. it's time for "state of the union reactions. [ cheers and applause ♪ state of the unio reactions ♪ >> jimmy: all right, let's see what everyone had to say about biden's speech first up, we have senator richard blumenthal he said, "i love the speech, almost as much as i love folding my arms naturally. [ laughter ] up next we have senator mark kelly he said, "i wasn't there i sent jeff bezos in my place, and no one noticed." [ l

come on over, pal. ♪ hi >> hello >> jimmy: jimmy. hi, nice to meet you >> nice to meet you too. >> jimmy: sarah, what is your full name? how old are you and where are you from >> my name is sarah lamphere i am from wolcott, connecticut >> jimmy: welcome. [ cheers and applause how old are you? >> i am 12 years old >> jimmy: 12 years old and now, what is this invention? what do you call this? >> i call this the pet puller. it's a safe way to get cats out of carriers. >> jimmy: a safe way to get cats out of carriers can you explain that more to me >> so when i go to my mom's veterinary clinic, i sometimes see the technicians struggling to get the cats out of the carriers because the cats are scared, they're scratching, they're biting so i made a safe way to get them out without hurting the technician or the cat. >> jimmy: okay, this is brilliant. can we see it in action? roots, can we get gentle drum roll please. [ drum roll look at that that is a brilliant idea and it just moves the back wall back in [ applause ] this is fantastic. is

>> jimmy: hi, tonka. >> tonka, say hello to jimmy >> jimmy: hi tonka hi buddy, oh, my gosh, he is so cute and now, is it tonka or toka >> tonka >> jimmy: tonka, like the truck. >> exactly >> jimmy: yeah, and tonka -- oh, my gosh. [ audience aws ] [ laughter ] he's so cute what does -- what does tonka do besides be cute? >> he's going to do the limbo for us >> jimmy: oh, he's gonna - you've got a dog that limbos this is fun. >> that's the plan >> jimmy: tonka, you ready for this >> ready to do this, tonka let's go >> jimmy: all right, this is perfect. roots, need some limbo music ♪ >> ready tonka, over here. sit down sit down ♪ ready? ready to go? this way ready? go, go, go hey. [ laughter ] come back here >> jimmy: yeah, fantastic! [ laughter ] >> come here come here. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's really -- i like it oh hey! [ cheers and applause >> go again. come here. ♪ come here. come here. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know -- i don't know if it's - oh, he's going to go lower wait, he - >> he can do it. >> jimmy: he just wants more of a challenge. >> ready, go [ laught

> jimmy: he does? [ light laughter ] >> oh,yes. yes, he does >> jimmy: and what is your go-to jam? just any song? >> um, let's see right now i'm asking for -- to hear "have mercy" by chloe a a lot. that's like -- love that song, right? yes. [ cheers and applause that's right, look, that's right. um, and then, like a classic, like, forever, no matter how many years have passed, like, classic, "i have to dance to this song" song, "back that azz up." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause by juvenile. that's right >> jimmy: are you one of those people that go to the dj and request songs. >> absolutely. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: really >> absolutely. i don't care if they have a sign that says, "no requests." i will request a song. >> jimmy: quest? he says no >> yes >> questlove: i was the dj that night too. [ laughter ] >> oh, really? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's so funny. that's so funny. quest as the dj jamming out. right, he's a great dj, but -- >> but see, i make great requests because, see, i think --

jimmy: yes. shammrock -- shake [ cheers and applause ♪ one-two-three ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ uh, alright, uh! ♪ ♪ got to know how to pony like bony maronie ♪ ♪ uh! you know i feel alright? ♪ ♪ hah! i feel pretty good, yall ♪ ♪ uh! ♪ ♪ oww! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ohh, help me! ♪ look at these mighty quaker oats... small in size, epic in taste. heart-healthy. a good source of fiber. and provides lasting energy. there's no denying delicious quaker oats are the the grain of all time. quaker oats. a super-trusted superfood. i'm a fancy exercise bike noobie. and i've gone from zero to obsessed in like... three days. instructor: come on milwaukee! i see you! after riding twelve miles to nowhere, i'm taking a detour. and if you don't have the right home insurance coverage, you could be working out a way to pay for this yourself. get allstate and be better protected from mayhem for a whole lot less. ♪ ♪ hey, i get it, commitment can be scary. but not when you're saving up to 15% with subscrib

please welcome papa richy [ cheers and applause m♪ jimmy fallon >> thank you >> jimmy: i'm jimmy fallon you're on "the tonight show. this is dua lipa >> oh, my god! ♪ [ laughter ] holy [ bleep ] oh, my god can i -- can i shake your hand or something >> of course >> jimmy: yes. >> hello >> your hands are freezing >> my hands actually are freezing >> jimmy: and this is your -- this is your granddaughter >> yes, i'm katie. >> jimmy: katie, how are you jimmy. [ applause ] >> hi katie. >> it's katie's 22nd birthday. >> jimmy: it's katie's birthday happy birthday to you. >> happy birthday. >> jimmy: what a present this is, right here >> yes >> jimmy: now, i read something that said that one of your dreams is to dance with dua lipa >> yes, yes, of course [ laughter ] >> jimmy: can we make -- [ cheers and applause can we make that dream a a reality? ♪ all right, let's - [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about right there! >> this one's -- this one's for -- >> jimmy: my thanks to dua lipa, papa richy [ cheers and applause >> yes >> jimmy: his granddaughter katie

i -- i'm not jared >> jimmy: then who are you >> jimmy: i'm jimmy. >> jimmy: then that makes me - >> jimmy: yep. >> jared >> jimmy: incredible >> not too bad yourself. >> jimmy: thank you. so, wait, where is higgins ♪ >> steve: my first guest stars in "morbius. give it up for jared leto! [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: you know what? let him have it. want to grab a bite? >> thought you'd never ask ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: my thanks to jared leto, everybody. aw, he's a buddy hey, everyone. it is nana week this week on our show [ cheers and applause in honor of my new children's book, "nana loves you more." we've been giving some love out to all the grandmas out there, all the gammies, all the -- all the meemaws, all the bubbies, the yayas. [ light laughter ] yeah, there's a lot of different names for nana out there. but each night this week we're show casing a talented grandma on our show. and tonight's talented nana is patsy herb she's 72 years old, and she's froom brooklyn, new york, and tonight she's going to show off some of her dance moves for us come on out here

>> jimmy: all right. so, that wasn't right. >> yeah, i want to be dracula so bad >> jimmy: okay marvel watches so dracula, we can make this happen >> write in. write in >> jimmy: write in, everybody. we can make this work. [ cheers and applause i want to show everyone a clip thank you for doing that here's ethan hawke and oscar isaac in "moon knight. take a look. >> we are here to make the earth as much like heaven as possible who'd like to go first you're a brave man, offering your soul for judgment, wanting to serve our goddess even before she awakes. i judge you in ammit's name with but a fraction of her power. this is the face of a good man >> jimmy: yeah come on! >> i must warn you - >> jimmy: yes. not all human beings are as lucky as that dude was there's a lot of people that don't have the face of a good man. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly right. >> and those sinners meet their fate >> jimmy: ethan hawke, everybody. "moon knight" premieres march 30th on disney plus. you want to conga? you feel like conga-

i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching and thanks for joining us on a big night, a thursday night, an exciting thursday night. because one of the beatles is here. one of the real beatles. [ cheers and applause ] guillermo, what is your favorite beatles song? >> guillermo: oh, "yesterday." "i want to hold your hands," too. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you like that song or are you telling me what you want to do after the show? >> no, i like the song. >> jimmy: okay. things are starting to get slightly more normal-ish on the covid front. the cdc is dialing back their risk advisory for cruise ships. that designation has been reduced from very high to high, as in, you'd have to be high to go on a cruise. [ laughter ] i went on a cruise once and every night at dinner, you have to sit at the same table. we were trapped sitting next to a guy who kept calling the woman he was with his "lady friend." [ laughter ] that alone is a reason to play it safe and stay home. but some people might need a cruise right now. a lot

on jimmy kimmel, adam scott. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, adam scott and charlie puth! and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. thank you, thank you. guillermo. ♪ that's very nice of you. i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thank you for watching. [ cheers and applause ] and traveling all this way to see us. it's not cheap, i know, to come to this show. you have to pay to park in hollywood. you have to buy gas. you have to buy weed. it adds up, really. [ laughter ] i went to the gas station last night for the first time in a couple weeks. you know how much it is -- gas is at the station down the street? >> guillermo: like five something? >> jimmy: $5 hupp a gallon. [ laughter ] it cost me $9,000 to fill my tank. it's outrageous. you know, a lot of uber and lyft drivers are quitting their jobs because it costs too much to buy gas. i got in an uber the other day, the guy said he'd only drive me places that were downhill. [ laughter ] [ rimshot ] thank you. what a night to be an uber driver tonight. it is st. gree

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thanks for watching. thank you for coming. oh, that's very nice. i appreciate that greatly. we have -- oh, there's a lot happening. i have many thoughts on many subjects, starting with president joe mama biden. did you know his middle name is mama? [ laughter ] named after his mother, that's right. the president is in brussels right now for an emergency summit with our natoal ties. put out a forceful statement nt- warning russia not to use chemical weapons on ukraine. also posed for a series of awkward photographs, starting with a group shot. i don't know, this seems unnecessary for an emergency meeting. but you can see there's biden. [ laughter ] with canadian prime minister justin trudeau. it's like a commercial for mentadent or something. [ laughter ] it's interesting to watch these leaders kind of hanging out to see who pairs off with who. [ laughter ] you see, that uncomfortable-looking individual is boris johnson

. >> jimmy, who jack wild played jimmy. had him in his pocket. >> jimmy: oh my god, have you smoked out of this yet? [ laughter ] holy -- this is him. >> i know. and i'm not giving it to you. >> jimmy: no, i wouldn't give to it me either. [ laughter ] >> he gave to it me. >> jimmy: wow. >> it's not the original, because people are like, is this the original? >> jimmy: oh, well, then. >> i know. because the original freddie was articulated. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> and he's probably dust now. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "better things" returns monday night on fx and hulu. pamela adlon, everybody. be back with banks! [ cheering and applause ] ♪ >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. ♪ ♪ why don't they make doors that like, open themselves? [crunch] woah. you just invented— automated doors... come on, why can't you... do this yourself? [vacuuming] [cars honking] relax! car doesn't drive itself... ♪ ♪ we're going to be rich! i'm going to be r

. >> jimmy: really? >> so i always had an affinity for the cincinnati bengals. >> jimmy: wow. >> but not enough to root for them. >> jimmy: boomer esiason, the only human wider than your ankles by the way. >> exactly, this is in honor of boomer esiason's skin tone. >> jimmy: that's very strange. even though you weren't a sports fan, you had a poster of boomer on the wall. >> i would get whatever free posters i could and put them on the wall. >> jimmy: who else? >> i had a jean-claude van damme poster, but i sorted that out. legion of doom. the wrestlers, hawk and animal. directly above my bed i had a poster of a man jump kicking another man in the chest, and two 'roided out monsters with spiky football apparatuses. i had a "shawshank redemption" poster on my wall and i didn't see that movie until two years ago. i think i got it for free. >> jimmy: really? >> and i loved it. when i finally saw it, thank god it's good. because i -- >> jimmy: it's funny, because i read your book, which was very funny. i enj

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. thank you, thank you, thank you. i appreciate it. cleto, thank you. welcome. oh, very kind. i'm jimmy. i am the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for joining us here in los angeles, where wow, look at this group. things are loosening up covid-wise. or at least covid safety-wise. we're keeping the covid, we're getting rid of the safety. [ laughter ] indoor concertgoers and fans at sporting events will no longer have to show proof of vaccination starting april 1st. i guess they figure if we get hit with a new variant, they can just say "april fool's!" [ laughter ] but it's good news. i think. lakers fans will still be encouraged to wear masks. but not because of covid, just because of how embarrassing this season has been. [ laughter ] speaking of embarrassing, we got a full day of nonsense from the senate on day two of the supreme court confirmation hearing. you been watching this? >> guillermo: no, jimmy. >> jimmy: no, i didn't think so. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i'm gl

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everyone. thank you. that's very nice. thank you, thank you. thank you, guys. thank you, thank you. well, that's very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching. thanks, all you guys, for joining us. i can see that -- i don't know, i feel like -- [ cheers and applause ] i'm feeling a little hint of that twilight fever i used to feel from time to time. it was a big day for football fans here in los angeles. today was the victory parade for the super bowl champion los angeles rams. [ cheers and applause ] we've won a lot of titles over the last 16 months. lakers, dodgers. this is the first parade we've been able to have because of covid. so this time, the fans were ready to party. >> well, you know what, mikaela, sometimes these types of events are going on, we are jealous because you're down there with all the energy and the crowds and the fans, in this case. what's going on? we can tell you that just in the last 30 minutes, things have really changed out here on figueroa. fans are really starting

and now, jimmy kimmel! ♪ >> jimmy: welcome, welcome, welcome. thank you. very nice. thank you very much. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us here in hollywood on what is known around the world, it's pi day today, 3-14. the number, not the dessert. you'll find this interesting, guillermo. albert einstein was born on pi day, and stephen hawking died on pi day. what are the odds of that? i guess we'll never know because the two smartest people are now dead. today also happens to be the first time in over two years where our full staff is back to work. at the office. i don't know, since for two years, at least half our staff has been working from home. and i have to say, it's nice to have meetings where i don't have to keep going, "ken! you're on mute! ken! there's always a ken, you know. here's another sign that things are getting back to normal-ish. over the weekend here in l.a., we had a police chase. this is one of the best/worst police chases of all time. >> you can see it right there, the suspect trying to getting i

bucks >> jimmy: yeah >> steve: and -- >> jimmy: you play -- you pay 30 jimmy coin -- >> steve: right. >> jimmy: -- for this. >> steve: sure >> jimmy: and you get -- it's only like, worth, like, four ethereum you get -- you get 30 jimmy coin. >> steve: right. some - >> jimmy: you get -- >> steve: ape coin >> jimmy: yep, you get ape coin, of course. obviously, doge dollar you get -- >> steve: kohl's cash. >> jimmy: yep. you get -- uh, yeah. desk coin, you get that. you trade in that. you gotta wait a week. >> steve: you gotta wait a a week, or else it transforms. >> jimmy: oh, it's going to go down you'll lose all you -- >> steve: yeah if you don't, they charge a fee. >> jimmy: -- now, it'll go down i would wait a week and then buy this >> steve: yeah, yeah >> jimmy: and then - [ whistles ] >> steve: yeah, then - >> jimmy: then sell it again >> steve: yeah, as an nft. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: as an nft. >> steve: right. >> jimmy: then buy it back with an american dollar >> steve: yeah [ laughter ] >> jimmy: sell it for gas money. >> steve: yeah [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: so all w

>> jimmy: oh, no. you know, mike, i think you can solve one of your problems just by doing your laundry in cold water. >> i tried that, but my nips got so sharp, they shredded my dress shirts! i'm telling you, switch blades, jim! >> jimmy: you've got to figure that out. this is a real problem for you. [ phone ringing ] >> wait a minute, that's my nephew calling, juno. i told you, if the toilet's back up, just go in the litter box. stupid kid. takes after his mother. sorry 'bout that. >> jimmy: it's fine. now why aren't you suing your cell phone? >> because a cell phone ain't a machine. >> jimmy: yeah, it is a machine. >> no, the h-e double hockey sticks it is not. >> jimmy: what is it then? if it's not a machine? >> it's a fruit. says apple right on it. >> jimmy: mike, even you're not that out of it, that you think that -- >> oh-oh -- it's time to feed my bear. >> jimmy: you have a bear? >> i've been feeding a grizzly bear to help protect it from the local kooks. come here, smokey, you want an apple? >

. >> jimmy: no? >> i didn't know of any such establishment. >> jimmy: i grew up in las vegas, so that would be a culture shock, yeah. [ laughter ] >> i remember there was a rumor around belfast when we were still at school saying that there's some hotel that had a sort of after midnight or something, there would be girls. like a very cheap version of burlesque, i guess. women in their grandmother's underwear, i don't know. [ laughter ] i don't know what the setup was, i never went, i was too young. >> jimmy: like the old-timey kind of can-can room type of stuff? >> yeah, whatever our version of that would be, which would be tragic. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, that's interesting. yeah. i never really thought about that. >> we had a lot of parking. lau [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you did have parking. you have to. [ applause ] you were on -- i hope this doesn't embarrass you. but i know that you were on the cover of "british gq." [ cheers and applause ] there's you. i'm wondering, did this embarrass you? o

>> jimmy: yeah, you're like "where's jimmy fallon? at this award show so i can look at him. [ laughter ] >> jimmy anyone and then alana kind of gave me the thumbs up and it was fun it was fun >> jimmy: to sing "both sides, now," it's in the movie that you sing the beautiful song. and it's mind blowing what you do with it, because it kind of fits in with the story too you were saying of this daughter kind of reaching the end of her childhood, i guess kind of. and that's what joni said about that song. >> she did i actually watched a a documentary, not that long ago, and joni mitchell said "both sides, now," was the work of her childhood's end and in the movie, you know, ruby, my character, is at the end of her childhood and she's got to figure out who she is outside her, yeah, childhood identity, basicall >> jimmy: the perfect song it was great it's just beautifully done in fact, this is a real treat from the actual joni mitchell. she put, "incredible performance of "both sides, now" by emilia jones and "coda," congratulations, cast an

>> jimmy: come on! are you kidding me that was very talented >> i'm so glad i could be here >> jimmy: beautiful, that was beautiful. >> thank you so much >> jimmy: joyce carpazzi, everybody. [ cheers and applause that is exactly the way to do it right there as a thank you, everyone will be going home with your very own copy of "nana loves you more." [ cheers and applause stick around, we will be right back with john oliver, everyone [ cheers and applause ♪ >> can you imagine a a 3-year-old, "i don't ever want to feel like i did that." [ bleep ] you know about paint [ laughter ] at three years old i'll tell you about paint. easter... easy as target. it was a tragedy. with knockoff batteries, little miss cupcake never stood a chance. until, energizer ultimate lithium. who wants a cupcake? the number one longest-lasting aa battery. yay! case closed. the number one longest-lasting aa battery. think of us as grandma's coffee? heck yeah, we are. and 35 million more with equally, excellent taste. ♪ livin'

jimmy: that one -- the one. >> the one - >> jimmy: you're the champ >> thank you >> jimmy: yeah, no problem >> thank you very much >> jimmy: yeah, i wouldn't mees with that. come on -- that list is ridiculous [ applause ] >> yeah. that's how i kicked off my twitter account here >> jimmy: yeah, remember that? >> yes >> jimmy: we started -- you sent your first tweet -- >> my first tweet came from here >> jimmy: -- from here yeah and do you remember what it was? >> can monkey fighters say "fighter" on here? >> jimmy: yeah, thank you. thank you for editing yourself [ laughter ] thank you for editing yourself >> can my friends say "friend" on here? >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. >> yeah, that. >> jimmy: you did that here, but then -- now i follow you on all the socials you're a great follow on instagram, by the way. i've been seeing a lot of your shirts >> ah. >> jimmy: you have t-shirts that you wear. just let me just show you, because it's super funny this is you. this is you with your -- with jules. you're wearing a shirt with you as jules from "pulp fiction" right there. >> with a pin -- w

cook "hey, jimmy. it was just daylight saving time but i'm confused what time is it where i live?" well, i don't know where you live, and if i don't know that, i'm not sure if i can really help i'm sorry. but it'd be an hour later than usual. "i live in south dakota. well, south dakota is split between mountain time zone and central time zone. so it depends if you live in western or eastern south dakota let's move on to the next suggestion "i live in sioux falls." [ laughter ] all right. well, that's on the eastern -- that's in eastern south dakota so, everyone knows that. so, you would be in central time zone, which means right now it would be 10:55. i hope that helps. "actually, sorry, i just moved now i live in boise. [ laughter ] you know, that's -- that's enough we're done with this "no, we're not." [ laughter ] what does that mean? ♪ "i say when we're done." [ laughter ] this is my show. ♪ "not anymore now answer me. i live in boise. what time is it? i won't do it. ♪ "yes!" no ♪ "yes!" no

>> jimmy: greta gerwig >> can you even believe? >> jimmy: directing! >> directing she's -- >> jimmy: ryan gosling, ken! >> yes, i know >> jimmy: ken and barbie >> this is a big -- ah [ cheers and applause greta gerwig barbie movie i can't believe it i can't believe my good fortune. >> jimmy: no, seriously. [ light laughter ] what is -- do you know greta at all, greta gerwig? >> i went to college with greta, yeah. >> jimmy: did you really >> we lived in the same disgusting dorm suite. i mean a dorm suite so filthy, a dorm suite with vomit in the tub that you -- you don't know where it came from >> jimmy: just something got sick in your tub >> and you don't know who's going to clean it up and no one does >> jimmy: and no one does at all. >> and that's -- so that's how i know greta, yeah >> jimmy: wow. and you told me you loved the script >> i loved -- oh, it's one of the greatest things i've ever read >> jimmy: really >> it's going to be -- just you wait. >> jimmy: yeah, just wait. just you wait. you filmed your new series "joe vs. carole" in australia >

and now, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hi, everybody. very nice. thank you. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us on, in the aftermath of hollywood's biggest night. and it was a big night last night. i wonder if there's anyone in in the audience who doesn't know what happened last night? if you are one of the few who did not see what happened across the street from us at the dolby theater last night, what happened was this. >> jada, i love you. gi jane 2, can't wait to see it. [ laughter ] that was a nice one. okay. i'm out here -- uh-oh. oh, wow, wow! >> jimmy: wow indeed. the old "hitch" slap. it's now a part of our lives forever. we will never stop talking about this. it was so shocking. the only thing i can really compare it to is when mike tyson bit holyfield's ears. even kanye was like, you went onstage d did what? at an awards show? and the weirdest part was that initially, will smith laughed at that joke. >> can't wait to see it, all right? >> jimmy: but then, he must have noticed that jada was not amused. and was

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: hi there. welcome. thank you for watching. i'm jimmy, the host of the show. i'm glad you're here. we are very fortunate to be able to gather together for a fun show. in washington this morning, lawmakers gathered for a special address from ukrainian president zelenskyy. he spoke via video to a joint session of congress. he got two standing ovations. which was nice, though i think he would rather get fighter jets. republicans and democrats stood for him. that is almost impossible. it's like getting kim and kanye to agree on a daycare situation. zelenskyy appealed directly to congress, saying, "we need you right now." and congress was like, "listen, we'd love to help, but we just made daylight saving time permanent, and we are wiped out." zelenskyy asked america to establish a no-fly zone over ukraine, which we are reluctant to do because it could very well result in a nuclear war. but we are willing to wear blue and yellow lapel pins at all the awards shows this month. so that's something. after the spee

i'm glad to be back home, with amy and jimmy. i'm going to convey all this information i have to jimmy. in fact, i look forward to consulting closely with him on a regular basis. i think my role was more one of a sounding board for jimmy. he could explain the issues to me and in the process, think them through. and he knew i was interested in them because i had been all over the country telling people what he was going to do and i wanted to be sure he did it. and i could go out into the countryside and talk to people. presidents can become very isolated and one reason, they have have such huge entourages, they go out and can't really have access from people but also people tell the president what he wants to hear and i could get information and, about how the energy crisis at that time was hurting people, problems of the elderly. had one woman tell me her house had been taken away because she had paid for it but her husband taken a second mortgage on it, and in that state, there were no laws that prevented her husband from losing

i thought the battle of we had a lot of input from people jimmy would jimmy consulted a lot of people about who would be best with certain positions and then we would have a nato list and then would narrow it down. i told him what i thought about people out, which i always did with issues and so forth. i always told him he always knew how i felt. sometimes you took my advice and sometimes he made the decision. were you? do you think that your voice was one he tended to listen to. with greater that had greater weight than perhaps some of his other advisors. just because sometimes a spouse. is not going to necessarily have the kind of outside agenda that an employee or an appointee might someday have i don't know whether on some things that i knew about like mental health and women's issues and problems of the elderly and those kinds of things. he always listened to what i had to say, but there were so many issues that i didn't know about he could talk to me. for instance. we were trying to make latin america nuclear free zone so he talked to me all about the whole issue. of i think the

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. welcome. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for joining us. i'm glad you did. you know, it's hard to do a comedy show when there's a war going on, but we are here while more than 6,000 miles away, women and children are fleeing ukraine. men age 18 to 60 are required to stay and fight as russian forces continue their unprovoked attack.

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us here in l.a., where heads have finally stopped spinning as a result of what happened at the oscars sunday night. not that we've stopped talking about it. it's all we talk about.moon, we would i feel like if they discovered house press briefing today! live chicken on the moon, we would talk about it less. it even came up at the white house press briefing today! >> the biggest story right now, was unleashed is something the white house condone that type of violence, do you condemn it and do you support comedians who have been attacked. >> so i don't have any official comment from the white house on the altercation, i know the president was not able to watch the oscars. >> jimmy: well what the hell is he doing all day, then? he's not going to deploy the national guard to comedy clubs? who will protect ha-has and yuk-yuks? of course, joe biden didn't watch the osc