1 00:00:13,79 --> 00:00:15,44 Sheila badon grew up in 2 00:00:15,45 --> 00:00:21,94 a home with an abusive father she survived not one but two abusive marriages but 3 00:00:21,95 --> 00:00:26,74 all that has changed she now knows herself to helping other victims of domestic 4 00:00:26,75 --> 00:00:32,16 violence by giving presentations all over the Bay Area Tell me about these 5 00:00:32,17 --> 00:00:34,54 presentations Well I'm 6 00:00:34,55 --> 00:00:39,30 a volunteer community educator with the support network for battered women in 7 00:00:39,31 --> 00:00:46,03 Sunnyvale and what I do is go to work wherever the need is whoever 8 00:00:46,07 --> 00:00:50,90 asks and talk about domestic violence on different levels there's sometimes we talk 9 00:00:50,91 --> 00:00:54,10 about what it is that we do a presentation or I'll do 10 00:00:54,11 --> 00:00:58,40 a presentation solely on the issue of domestic violence and other times I talk 11 00:00:58,41 --> 00:01:04,14 about my story and what happened to me but we try to focus on the issues of 12 00:01:04,15 --> 00:01:09,12 domestic violence what is your your story well I grew up in 13 00:01:09,13 --> 00:01:13,69 a household where domestic violence was present and it was normal you know we were 14 00:01:14,02 --> 00:01:18,70 brought up to look at that as out this is what everybody does so as an adult and 15 00:01:18,71 --> 00:01:24,20 starting relationships I sought out men that were exactly like my father my first 16 00:01:24,21 --> 00:01:30,36 husband was very abusive and he. Was very controlling but for 17 00:01:30,37 --> 00:01:35,09 a long time almost two years he didn't hit me so I thought Well as long as he 18 00:01:35,10 --> 00:01:39,93 doesn't his hey that's OK but then he did hit me and when he did it I was 19 00:01:39,94 --> 00:01:44,94 incapacitated you know so. I was I had to quit my job I had 20 00:01:44,95 --> 00:01:50,70 a job I had to quit physically What's the worst that happened to you or the second 21 00:01:50,71 --> 00:01:56,02 time he hit me he hit me so many times in my face that he broke my jaw and my teeth 22 00:01:56,10 --> 00:02:02,39 a lot of my mouth pole from the roof they just fell out. He dislocated my shoulder 23 00:02:02,40 --> 00:02:09,36 he threw he kicked me and broke ribs and I was hospitalized I had to 24 00:02:09,37 --> 00:02:13,95 be hospitalized and in front of my daughter you know he did this in front of my 25 00:02:13,96 --> 00:02:18,26 child and from in the back of my mind it was like I've got to get out of here 26 00:02:18,80 --> 00:02:22,79 because there was no way that he was going to do that to me again and I didn't 27 00:02:22,80 --> 00:02:28,67 quite make it because he did it again and this time it was worse the first time so 28 00:02:29,10 --> 00:02:33,99 but you but you did get out I did get out I did leave and it was interesting to me 29 00:02:34,00 --> 00:02:38,58 when we were speaking before that you didn't see yourself as a victim for 30 00:02:38,59 --> 00:02:43,83 a long time and a turning point seems to have been suddenly realizing you were 31 00:02:43,84 --> 00:02:48,22 a victim yes that's surprised me tell me about that. I mean for 32 00:02:48,23 --> 00:02:52,90 a long time I thought it was all my fault even after the second marriage failed for 33 00:02:52,91 --> 00:02:57,84 the same reason and I moved out. I thought it was all my fault I must be doing 34 00:02:57,85 --> 00:03:01,90 something to provoke this because certainly can't happen one right after the other 35 00:03:01,91 --> 00:03:07,29 in two marriages back to back it had to be my fault and I walked around for years 36 00:03:07,30 --> 00:03:13,09 thinking it was all my fault I have to change who I am I have to be more submissive 37 00:03:13,44 --> 00:03:17,06 I have to look down more often and not make eye contact so I looked at all the 38 00:03:17,07 --> 00:03:23,37 things that I felt caused the abuse and said what about this can I change that I 39 00:03:23,38 --> 00:03:29,12 could change myself to fit into the mold that that they were trying to make me fit 40 00:03:29,13 --> 00:03:34,06 into you know so so I for I fell into that that place for 41 00:03:34,07 --> 00:03:38,94 a long time blaming myself for everything until I heard someone else speak about 42 00:03:38,95 --> 00:03:44,46 domestic violence you know this is all this time no one else had talked about it I 43 00:03:44,47 --> 00:03:48,26 didn't bring it up and when I brought it out even with friends my friends I know we 44 00:03:48,27 --> 00:03:54,00 don't want to hear about that. You know so what what what was it that you learned 45 00:03:54,96 --> 00:03:59,95 that you now give to others I heard this for to speak about domestic violence and I 46 00:03:59,95 --> 00:04:04,69 . I sat there listening to her and I was like oh my God this is me but I waited 47 00:04:04,70 --> 00:04:08,43 till after her talk was over and I approached her and said you know I'm also 48 00:04:08,44 --> 00:04:15,33 a former victim what can I do to volunteer and I went through this training and it 49 00:04:15,34 --> 00:04:21,01 was like oh my god it was not my fault so the big thing was it was not it was not 50 00:04:21,02 --> 00:04:26,33 my fault you know that they chose to do this that this is what it was about and 51 00:04:26,34 --> 00:04:32,28 this is why they did it and it was an awakening that was just so profound that I 52 00:04:32,29 --> 00:04:34,72 thought if it happened to me that way that it happens to 53 00:04:34,73 --> 00:04:38,29 a lot of other people and other people need to know about this.