WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en-US 00:00:02.300 --> 00:00:03.994 Hello, everyone, and welcome! 00:00:03.994 --> 00:00:05.220 I am Ovilee. 00:00:05.250 --> 00:00:05.940 This is Frosk. 00:00:05.970 --> 00:00:08.820 Ovilee and I are back on the desk and our writer is putting 00:00:08.830 --> 00:00:10.200 us through the ringer. So guys, 00:00:10.410 --> 00:00:13.170 what we're about to do is called a cold read. 00:00:13.170 --> 00:00:14.850 We have never seen the script before. 00:00:14.860 --> 00:00:17.021 If you're a fan of the former Esports content, 00:00:17.142 --> 00:00:18.810 we used to do these news bite segments... 00:00:18.820 --> 00:00:20.760 We have a teleprompter in front of us. 00:00:20.820 --> 00:00:24.334 We are going to read the teleprompter and 00:00:24.334 --> 00:00:25.590 hopefully get through it -- again, 00:00:25.600 --> 00:00:27.420 We have no idea what's on this teleprompter. 00:00:27.430 --> 00:00:29.370 It's the first time that we're reading it, we have absolutely 00:00:29.380 --> 00:00:30.750 no idea what coming up next. 00:00:30.760 --> 00:00:34.080 It could be anything and it could even be that our writer 00:00:34.080 --> 00:00:35.820 looks fabulous with his shirt off...? 00:00:35.820 --> 00:00:36.780 Goddamn it... 00:00:36.960 --> 00:00:40.470 Paul is an Australian and we can't control anything that 00:00:40.480 --> 00:00:41.705 he says or writes, 00:00:41.705 --> 00:00:42.482 So I guess... 00:00:42.843 --> 00:00:43.410 Here we go. 00:00:43.420 --> 00:00:46.620 Thank you for sharing that very important info, Paul, and 00:00:46.630 --> 00:00:48.030 a very accurate information. 00:00:48.040 --> 00:00:50.315 Our top news story today is that I eat horse dick. 00:00:50.315 --> 00:00:54.930 God--! ...Our next, less important news story is that Twitch has 00:00:54.940 --> 00:00:57.840 finally decided to do the bare minimum and will start informing 00:00:57.850 --> 00:01:00.600 users where, when, and why they were banned. 00:01:00.810 --> 00:01:04.110 This is great news for us at G4 because when we inevitably 00:01:04.120 --> 00:01:05.782 get banned, we won't have to figure out 00:01:05.782 --> 00:01:07.500 which term of service we violated -- 00:01:07.510 --> 00:01:10.560 We'll know it was because Ovilee was caught horsein' around again. 00:01:11.340 --> 00:01:13.441 Our next story is is that J. Allen Brack -- 00:01:13.441 --> 00:01:16.470 the President of Blizzard and Bill Cosby enthusiast -- 00:01:17.400 --> 00:01:20.550 is leaving the company after 16 years. 00:01:20.560 --> 00:01:23.280 He will forever be remembered as the guy who thought that 00:01:23.290 --> 00:01:26.610 saying feminist writer Gloria Steinem was a revered Saint 00:01:26.620 --> 00:01:29.610 of his household in good company wide email and thought 00:01:29.620 --> 00:01:30.720 that that was a good idea. 00:01:31.020 --> 00:01:32.783 Spoilers: it wasn't. 00:01:32.913 --> 00:01:35.087 He leaves in the wake of discrimination allegations, 00:01:35.087 --> 00:01:39.150 and some gamers aren't satisfied with the one sacrificial offering. 00:01:39.300 --> 00:01:42.090 They want blood and the blood that they want is 00:01:42.300 --> 00:01:44.670 Frances Townsend's. 00:01:44.820 --> 00:01:47.550 That's presuming she has any blood left at this point. 00:01:47.560 --> 00:01:49.024 We have it on good authority that she's 00:01:49.024 --> 00:01:51.087 actually a reanimated ghoul. 00:01:51.087 --> 00:01:52.350 Tokyo Ghoul!?! -No. 00:01:52.650 --> 00:01:55.770 Oh, well, the former Homeland Security advisor to George 00:01:55.780 --> 00:01:58.980 Bush took the next logical step in her career by becoming 00:01:58.990 --> 00:02:01.410 Executive Vice President for Corporate Affairs 00:02:01.420 --> 00:02:03.150 at Activision Blizzard. - Checks out. 00:02:03.180 --> 00:02:05.974 Since taking up this esteemed role, she's been using her 00:02:05.974 --> 00:02:09.534 position of power to actively block her own employees on Twitter. 00:02:09.534 --> 00:02:12.300 Perhaps if she was serious about fixing discrimination 00:02:12.300 --> 00:02:15.030 at the company, she would pretend it had weapons of mass 00:02:15.040 --> 00:02:18.180 destructions, raise the terror--threat level and torture 00:02:18.190 --> 00:02:20.520 it like she did with all those people in the Middle East-- 00:02:20.530 --> 00:02:22.233 PAUL! 00:02:22.719 --> 00:02:24.250 PAUUUL! - Oooh! 00:02:24.250 --> 00:02:25.380 We're gettin' cancelled today... 00:02:25.380 --> 00:02:28.590 Frances Townsend has since deleted her Twitter account because 00:02:28.600 --> 00:02:31.080 of the backlash she faced from the gaming community. 00:02:31.080 --> 00:02:32.670 Wow. *Gamers* cancelled her. 00:02:32.850 --> 00:02:34.470 What does that say about us? 00:02:34.620 --> 00:02:37.770 Here's a woman who is the public face of the Bush administration 00:02:37.780 --> 00:02:41.430 during some of its darkest years, she defended the use of 00:02:41.440 --> 00:02:44.100 torture and raised the terror threat level to get Bush 00:02:44.190 --> 00:02:46.590 re-elected through a campaign of fearmongering. 00:02:46.600 --> 00:02:49.650 The amount of criticism thrown at her must have been staggering, 00:02:49.660 --> 00:02:51.878 but even she can't handle getting flamed 00:02:51.878 --> 00:02:54.090 by a bunch of COD and World of Warcraft kids. 00:02:54.210 --> 00:02:57.120 It's a great example of what can be achieved when you unite 00:02:57.120 --> 00:02:58.426 the Alliance and the Horde. 00:02:58.426 --> 00:03:00.576 Horde for life! Never Alliance 00:03:00.576 --> 00:03:03.390 Sponsors are also pulling out of Overwatch and 00:03:03.400 --> 00:03:04.140 Call of Duty leagues. 00:03:04.140 --> 00:03:07.170 T-Mobile was the first to vanish from the broadcast, and the 00:03:07.180 --> 00:03:11.400 New York subliners had to do what I do to all my past relationships -- 00:03:11.520 --> 00:03:13.674 Cover them up with duct tape. 00:03:13.830 --> 00:03:16.410 He's roasting you today. 00:03:16.420 --> 00:03:20.310 Now State Farm, Kellogs, IBM, Coke, and others are doing the same. 00:03:20.430 --> 00:03:23.370 The biggest shame for all these sponsors is that they pulled 00:03:23.380 --> 00:03:25.500 out before they could get their free breadsticks. 00:03:25.730 --> 00:03:28.380 Wha? What breadsticks am I talking about?! 00:03:28.410 --> 00:03:30.210 Our writer isn't going to tell me. 00:03:30.220 --> 00:03:32.597 Instead, he's going to leave a break in the script for me 00:03:32.597 --> 00:03:35.790 to try and make up the reasons as to what breadsticks have 00:03:35.800 --> 00:03:36.660 to do with Overwatch... [wheezey laughing] 00:03:37.280 --> 00:03:39.170 [calm Frosk] What do breadsticks have to do with Overwatch? 00:03:39.290 --> 00:03:40.473 I don't know! 00:03:40.473 --> 00:03:41.780 There's too many of them?! 00:03:41.790 --> 00:03:44.708 We don't want to see any more Overwatch content, so stop 00:03:44.708 --> 00:03:46.430 bringing us the breadsticks!!! 00:03:47.030 --> 00:03:49.940 Actually, it was because the Vancouver Titans got their first 00:03:49.950 --> 00:03:52.760 win of the Overwatch League season this year and was part 00:03:52.770 --> 00:03:54.050 of a promotion with Pizza Hut. 00:03:54.530 --> 00:03:56.870 I see they haven't pulled out with Cheezits yet. 00:03:56.870 --> 00:03:58.580 Now moving on to the LCS, 00:03:58.610 --> 00:04:01.340 This is for me to read and I will definitely talk about that 00:04:01.350 --> 00:04:04.400 because MOVING ONTO THE LCS, which has acquired a new sponsor 00:04:04.430 --> 00:04:07.160 in the form of Cryptocurrency Exchange FTX. 00:04:07.400 --> 00:04:10.700 Now, every time you watch LCS, you'll be reminded to enjoy 00:04:10.710 --> 00:04:13.550 a cocktail of Bud Light and Red Bull while you drive around 00:04:13.560 --> 00:04:16.760 in your Honda and gamble your money on the financial equivalent 00:04:16.769 --> 00:04:18.604 ...of astrology. 00:04:18.905 --> 00:04:22.320 FTX are already the naming sponsor for TSM -- although they're 00:04:22.330 --> 00:04:25.260 not allowed to display it on their jerseys or on the broadcast. 00:04:25.350 --> 00:04:29.910 As much as I'd like to say that Riot saw TSM's $210 million 00:04:29.920 --> 00:04:32.790 deal and decided they too want a piece of that cryptocurrency 00:04:32.800 --> 00:04:34.170 ass, that would be a lie. 00:04:34.260 --> 00:04:36.270 The truth is that they don't want to piss on -- 00:04:36.270 --> 00:04:39.542 Oh no... 00:04:39.542 --> 00:04:42.510 The truth is they don't want to piss off China. 00:04:42.630 --> 00:04:43.530 I don't blame them. 00:04:43.540 --> 00:04:46.920 Last time I pissed on China, my mom got mad at me for pissing on 00:04:46.930 --> 00:04:47.940 all the nice plates. 00:04:51.081 --> 00:04:52.130 [stifled laugh] 00:04:52.130 --> 00:04:57.750 It's also comforting to know that for every tree that FlyQuest 00:04:57.750 --> 00:05:00.870 plants, TSM and the LCS are going to be burning some down 00:05:00.880 --> 00:05:04.498 with the energy use for their cryptocurrency sponsorships. 00:05:04.980 --> 00:05:08.700 Still on the topic of LCS and the LCS Championship at the 00:05:08.710 --> 00:05:09.600 Prudential Center -- 00:05:10.020 --> 00:05:11.572 Well, it's been cancelled. 00:05:11.572 --> 00:05:14.226 And no, this isn't because they made a blackface 00:05:14.226 --> 00:05:15.930 tweet back in 2016. 00:05:16.230 --> 00:05:18.960 They're instead having to deal with idiots who won't get 00:05:18.970 --> 00:05:22.290 vaccinated and a Greek alphabet of COVID strains, which Frosk 00:05:22.300 --> 00:05:23.580 is going to recite for you 00:05:23.681 --> 00:05:24.917 Right nowww... 00:05:24.917 --> 00:05:26.760 We have the Delta variant. 00:05:26.790 --> 00:05:27.900 The Lando variant. 00:05:28.028 --> 00:05:29.500 The uhhh... 00:05:29.500 --> 00:05:31.510 Is there another variant? 00:05:31.520 --> 00:05:34.900 There's the one that starts with an X. 00:05:34.990 --> 00:05:38.343 Oh sh-- I'm gonna say the Alpha variant and the Chad variant. 00:05:38.343 --> 00:05:38.924 Scroll. 00:05:40.960 --> 00:05:45.550 It's actually Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta, Zeta, Epsilon, Zeta, 00:05:45.560 --> 00:05:50.200 Theta, Iota, Kappa, Lambda, Mu, Nu, Xi, Omicron, Pi, Rho, 00:05:50.210 --> 00:05:53.650 Sigma, Tau, Upsilon, Phi, Chi, Psi, and Omega. 00:05:53.890 --> 00:05:57.760 As in OMEGALUL that the LCS has to hold it's finals in the 00:05:57.770 --> 00:06:01.300 LCS Arena because of your collective stupidity. 00:06:01.310 --> 00:06:03.190 Technically said "our." - It said our?! 00:06:03.400 --> 00:06:04.450 I got vaccinated!! 00:06:04.460 --> 00:06:07.810 I got the shot, and now I'm magnetic!! 00:06:07.820 --> 00:06:08.270 Guys get vaccinated as well. 00:06:08.270 --> 00:06:09.340 I'm also vaccinated. 00:06:09.350 --> 00:06:11.170 In fact, I'm collecting all of the vaccine. 00:06:11.170 --> 00:06:12.640 And that's our esports update. 00:06:12.650 --> 00:06:14.470 Just a reminder that our writer does look -- 00:06:14.680 --> 00:06:17.140 Come on, Paul -- does look great with his shirt off. 00:06:17.150 --> 00:06:19.630 And if you'd like to see more of him with his shirt off, 00:06:19.630 --> 00:06:23.470 you can find him over on our Onlyfans.com/PaulG4. 00:06:23.680 --> 00:06:26.350 Please actually check if he made that, guys, 00:06:26.360 --> 00:06:27.130 I would not put it past him. 00:06:27.140 --> 00:06:29.110 Also, he's very hairy, so... just a warning. 00:06:29.620 --> 00:06:32.470 Oh, well, I mean, for the longest time, his ass was also 00:06:32.480 --> 00:06:34.000 front and center on his Twitter page. 00:06:34.090 --> 00:06:37.298 His Twitter profile picture was actually *JUST* a -- 00:06:37.298 --> 00:06:38.017 [trails off]