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Full text of "Payable at sight; or, The chaste salute : a comic piece, in one act / by Mrs. Ebsworth ; printed from the acting copy, with remarks, biographical and critical, by D.-G. ; to which are added, a description of the costume,-cast of the characters,-entrances and exits,-relative positions of the performers on the stage, and the whole of the stage business, as performed at the Metropolitan Minor theatres ; embellished with a fine engraving, from a drawing taken in the theatre by Mr R. Cruikshank."

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No. 127 MINOR T H E A T R E. 6 d. 



^nmTmw rM c; 






With Remarks, by D.-G. 

A Description of the Costume, cast of the Characters, 
Entrances and Exits, Relative Positions of the Per¬ 
formers, and the whole of the Stage Busines, as now 
performed in the metropolitan minor theatres. 

Embellished with a 


A Drawing taken in the Theatre 

; l;abpeartt 

Between St. Paul’s and Thames Street; 

Publisher of “The Musical Treasury,” Pianoforte Music at Sd. per Sheet; also of 



With the Music of the leading Pieces: in English and Italian, Is. 

in Knirliah nnlv fin 


The Price how reduced to Sixpence each Play 

VOL. 1. i5t> Maui ol lhe Mill 

1 Romeo ind Juliet j \ Ul.. IX. 

t She MiKipS U- toll- 5 * Irt 1 1. <t of Seville 
IHO*i jp amelia 

sy 4 

i 11 liikle and 
112 hducatnu 

J Macbeth 

4 Pizhi io - _ 

5 l.ichaid 111 nil '.lie lair Penitent 

O Douglas ril (»e<T)te haii.ueli 

7 suspicious 11 n'new* fjo Fail of Algiers 


1 Othello 
I 1 he Dueur.a 
.0 1 he Rivals 
U Belle's Nuatagem 
12 C> mbeliue 
1.1 Veuice Preserved 
14 West Indian 

id; Lov e law & [it 

ItiH l< lenzi 
It) I (. lari 

. i*d I he Brigand 
11.1 Children in the j-j |< plies 
a! rs the .Wood 114 Rendezvous LwikkI ,-n , hc p tfizt>D 
JI5 Barbaiossa 
lid l.ambler's Fate 

J . 


1 IO l»AHli»«r» a ■ •»»«" . 

117 (ilovdiini m IxhmI. 173 (>it*uan I aug 
lib School ol KtfloriUt 17^ C-h irlcA AI :* ( 
110 laOvers* Vows 173 I emiy the 1 li 
VOL. A VIII. HO Pupping the (J 
120 Highland Keel f j- 

01 l lei lielsfhutz 

Vol.. X. 

1 (v4 Fatal Dowry 
05 Shepherd ol Her 
went Yale 
Itlti Father ami Son 
:ti7 W ives as they were 

li' ■* , 

■ 1 i „ K 

ti< ’U 

ivu 11 Iginanu ..s> • .-177 Maid ot Judali 

121 1 wo (ieiitlemen ot j-y ^ y, Z. 

Verona 179 unionoko 

ICC I aming the shrew ^ , u>1 „. st lhitV( 
123 Secrets worthk now - tjlmd Roy 

VOL 111. 

15 Much Ado aliont ."-- .t-., slaves 

Id liy lairrite (nothing 7° 1 »0 (.alley Slaves 

17 As i (hi Like it | VOL. Al. 

18 Provoked Husband 71 |Mntus 

li) Heg^ais' 0|*eia 70 ^li Pacha 
20 Way to Keep Him 73 j w «lltll Night 
t( 1 he Padlock 74 I lent v the Fifth. 

VtiL. IV. |75 Love iu hunihle life 
.« Kina I,,An 176 Child of Nature 

ft Urmy l V. Part 1. 77 Sleep Walker 
24 I he W under 1 VOL. All. 

to Hamlet *8 Oiestes in Algos 

*n I rip to'Carlairough 79 Hide and Sees 
,Ho tribulation 
HI Kival Valets 
if. 1 Itn es and t horns 
I HI Midas [a Wife 
8* K ule a Wile A: have 

VOL. A111 .[wife 
H5 A Bold stroke tor a 
8b Good-tiatuied Man 

1HI Blind Boy 

Notoriety, Is, 

IBS Matinnmiy 
!t(4 I lush.1 ml at f 
;IH5 I nst ol Apiil 
It#) John at Pal is 
18? M iller&r his mi 
!1HH Pi isonei at 1. 
Itivj 1 inn'll of Alb 



Itoad tu Hum 
The Gamester 

VOL. V. 

Winter’s I ale 
m Man ot the World 
II ‘lhe Inconstant 
J2 Love iu a '•'•Rage 

127 Artaxcrxe. 

ICo I he serf 
IVy i he Lancers 

1.10 love lor Love 

1.11 I lie Merchant's 

112 i(ace for a Dinner lyd 1 l !e * 1 **• 

111 liaising the Wind; VOL. AXV'll 
VOL. XX. liil Henry I V. P« 
1.14 Siege of Belgrade 1WC forty I hieve: 
1‘i,S Who wants a (»ui* 31 y uuiulino 

l.ld Pool Soldiertnea ly4 I he Vampire 
117 Midsummer nights *yo I he Fanner 
Dream [ried Idd F.ila Kosenbe 

11H Way to get inar ly? lhe Iwo Frn 
130 Fumpike Gate lytl V aleutineAO 

14c) F'aul and V irginia I'AI Folly asit FI 

141 The Cabinet 200 l he Bobber's 
14V Youthful Oueen Col Magpiec t the 

O JJUtM .’ 111 ' ....____ .. 

J# Km* I’"My VIII .'87 O be roll 14.,; Youthful Oueen |2ul Mag pie ct the 

45 iu.iri *,thu Wa laird Ol the Manor uHOreen-ey edmonster yu2 Shakspeare’sl 
it.. VI. 1*9 (lo"«.v-.Mpon 144 Country Girl I Days 

1)0 ilix tiU nolusl^lallSl 1 . 1 A I ulnr OllH P.,mf nt Hull 

High Lite Below 

92 Disagreeable Stir 
03 Stranger (prise 

mil,, t l, 1 -r ... ......... 11 +4 » oil nil y v> 1 

v, *J .reliant ol Venice hx lorBolusl'-taiis l4 /j | ri»h tutor ,201 Point of lion 

r a.rv Wive- ot ^ ’ Lite Below |p, Beaux’ .Miatagem 204 High ways iS 

Windsor * VOL XIV. 147 lhe Will l&)5 Ice W itch ^ [ 

ei Vjrgiuius 9C Disagreeable Sur- VOL. XXII. R*H, ) ^ 

A: Camitir .< chua <rt Miaiiuer Incise ....1-: . >— 'Wo 

*•1 All iu ‘on VVrong 
»1 Kiv iasar 
42 ! :»*■■ 

t)f Village laiwyei 
UT. ScIiikiI for Scandal 
fid spoiled Child 


,,,, , V' . 1^17 Blind Largai 

4)1 IrishrnanmLondon i0UB | {ol)iniu0 \ , 

149 Kecruiting Otncer . .... 

150 The *11816 NOL. XXL 


41 New Way to Pay 
Old Debts (sure 

44 Measure tor ^Jea 

45 Jealous W lie 

4)1 I empest (age 
17 Clandestine Matri 
48 Conoianus (Fault 
U) Kvery One has his 


>) Lhe Alcxid 
M Busy Ibnly 
5C I ale ot Alystery 
53 Niinv your Own 
M ind 

5w Mai or of Garratt 

97 Animal Magnetism]i'y, 
1)8 Wheel of F01 tune l. a-j 


(j() The Critic 
It li) Heat and Dumb 
101 ( a tie Spectre 
ll)2 1 he Kevenge 
lti.1 Midnight Horn 

104 Speed tliePlough 

105 Bosnia 

209 Maid of Hoi 
'2B> v leeping lb 

211 I miour the I 

212 Modern Ant 
211 King Bichan 

Devil’s F.lixir 
•• Master’s Kival 
. I he Duel 
,‘154 William Fell 


155 Tom I liumb l Life^J* Mrs. Wlgjdt' 
I.Vj Happiest day ol my t»4»l«r 1 

157 fatality (van, l,e 1 

15)1 Laugh when you,®*) * ) *> 

159 William I'homsou.^lB Adopted ( I 

Ido IllustriousStianger VOL. AX 
VOL. AVI. Uil Soldier's Daughter'a,g Fhe Bride t 

. - .. IdC lhe Waterman ioufi'I ekeli li 

»J* M<>»>*»emr 1 onsoo , 63 JutHI & Country ,,|d and V 
107 Comedy «>t Krroisl , ....... iiii r," 

'OHspectreBridegroom V()L. AAIV. '2V\ B'e-IHve 
loy A Cure lor the Jfi4 No Song no supper VV1 Haitt'wa I 

Heart-ache U’5 Ixvck and Key i‘A’4 1 wo string’ 

v* staior ot t.arratt Heart ache to.5 lx>ck amt Ivey j..-* • 

il A woman never 'ext 110 A inate , '*>«Ac Actors Idb .makes 111 the grass C25 Haunted, n 






The Gift of 

Mrs Q.r. Halt 

* 2 - 

/flf cl : 

fcj! § 

payable at Sight. 

L 'ii, Rigid. Since it must be so, I shall do you the honour of 
allowing you a chaste salute. 

slct /. Scrn r 2. 




Ln (!Dnc 3kt, 



To which are added, 


As performed at the 



From a Drawing taken in the Theatre by Mr. R. Crimkshank. 




it KM AUKS. 

{payable at ; or, tf)« CTfjastc fcalutr. 

Colonkl Frankley, a gentleman in difficulties, vege¬ 
tating at Hampstead for fear of being locked up—studying 
Locke, and how to avoid his creditors—is out of the good 
graces of a certain decorous old lady, whose casting vote 
is indispensable in an affair of the heart. Mrs. Rigid, 
herself a pattern of conjugal propriety, cannot tolerate the 
smallest deviation from the moral railroad, that is to carry 
happy couples to the end of their journey. Her virtuous 
scrupulosity takes alarm at the most venial infraction ol 
her matrimonial law, which holds a kiss, if it be not purely 
platonic, a high crime and misdemeanor, either in Bachelor 
betrothed, or Benedick bound. Colonel Frankley had 
won over the dowager to consent to his marriage with her 
niece ; when, being caught in the immoral fact of giving a 
chaste salute to a pretty milkmaid—the spark’s frolic 
kindled her into a dame—good bye to Miss Emily !—She 
shall now be the bride of old Major O’ Doherty. 

Forswearing pleasure, and, above all things, pretty 
girls, the colonel trudges in philosophical dudgeon between 
Hampstead and Highgate, to the sore annoyance of his 
half-famished fag, Philip, who relishes not these long- 
winded rambles, that give an appetite beyond the power of 
Locke on the Understanding to satisfy. During a hun¬ 
gry colloquy on the Heath, a joyful shout announces a 
wedding in the village. “ Is the bride pretty ?” inquires 
the incurious stoic. The young lass herself soon answers 
the question, by running in from her merry party in mere 
playfulness, and electrifying his philosophy with a pair of 
sparkling black eyes ! He will pay for the wedding din¬ 
ner—no, he won’t! the fat major has been beforehand 

a 3 


with him. Then he will be father—no, god-father to her 
first child : surely that post has not been bespoke by his 
pursey rival! He demands to receive a pledge that his 
liberal offer is accepted : the kiss reaches a second edition, 
and farmer lesty, the bridegroom, is witness to the im¬ 
print ! ** ’Iis the custom in London to salute another 

man’s wife.’ —“More shame for London!” cries the 
Hampstead Heath Corydon. To prevent the little liason 
from getting wind, and to quiet the jealous clown, Frank- 
ley promises that when he is married, the salute taken 
from Janet shall be returned by Testy to the lady of his 
choice; and, to make the bargain legal, he gives him a 
note, regularly drawn on a bill-stamp—“ Payable at Sight, 
a kiss to the bearer for value received !” This is bill-ing 
and cooing with a vengeance ! 

To the surprise and joy of master and man, aunt and 
niece make their appearance in the village. The meeting 
on both sides is accidental ; but scarcely has the colonel 
made his formal bow, than that paragon of decorum, Mrs. 
Rigid, apologises for having so entirely misconstrued his 
motives, and lauds his generosity to the skies, in present¬ 
ing a marriage portion to the pretty milkmaid, to whom 
the unfortunate kiss was given in a pure platonic spirit!— 
The colonel is too polite and prudent to contradict the old 
lady ; but, scorning to win the young one under false co¬ 
lours, he undeceives her, and loses nothing by his candour. 

Asperities soothed, and difficulties overcome, Frankley 
is at last in a fair way to get married ; and Testy smacks 
his lips at the thought of presenting his promissory note 
for payment. In the joy of his heart, he points to the 
colonel as his most honourable debtor. Another chaste 
salute ! ’Tis verily too bad ! Who can tell what may be 
the amount of paper in circulation ? Such a run for kisses 
would make bankrupt of the best pair of lips in Christen¬ 
dom ! She demands to take up the bill: in vain Testy 
fumbles to find it; ’tis dropped, and Janet has picked it 
up; but meeting Major O’Doherty, he gives her a smack, 
and discounts it! 



Mrs. Rigid, having arranged the wedding preliminaries, 
is not a little puzzled to find out why the young lady has 
so suddenly changed her mind. Emily, blushing to tell 
the real cause, invents an excuse, (how many a true thing 
is spoken in jest!) that the colonel is under pecuniary em¬ 
barrassment. Is that all ? Then will Dame Platonic be¬ 
come responsible for his debts ; and an opportunity is at 
hand for the exercise of her generosity—a deputation of 
the colonel's creditors being at that moment in full con¬ 
clave at the Eagle Tavern! The discounting had pro¬ 
duced a duel. Frankley, considering himself insulted by 
the major, sends him a challenge ; wings the old militaire ; 
the latter, in a tiff, entrusts the promissory note to a tip¬ 
pling valet, through whose carelessness it again comes into 
the possession of its original owner. Testy now makes 
suro of the chaste salute, and he is not disappointed ; for 
Mrs. Rigid, having taken upon herself the payment of the 
colonel’s debts, feels herself bound to honour every out¬ 
standing bill. The farmer, therefore, with many contor¬ 
tions and wry faces, receives his demand in full from her 
lips—a hearty buss, given with business-like punctuality ! 

Such is “ Payable at Sight a lively, laughable, little 
drama, not a little indebted to the humorous acting of 
Charley Hill, that fails not to attract a good audience, 
and is always seen with pleasure. 

i>.— o. 

Cast of tfje Characters, 

As performed at the Royul Surrey Theatre. 

Colonel Frankly .Mr. Green. 

Philip (his Valet) . Mr. C. Hill. 

Testy (a Farmer) .Mr. W. Smith. 

Lady Rigid . 

Emily (her Niece) . 

Janet . 

Villagers, Sfc. 

Mrs. Stiekney. 
Miss Grant. 
Miss Mayor. 


COLONEL FRANKLY.—Regimental uniform. 


1 LSI \ . hlue coat—striped waistcoat—cord breeches 

LAD\ RIGID.—Sarsnct flowered dress. 

EMIL^ . — Sarsnet pelisse—muff—boa—reticule—hat 
and feathers. 

JANET.—Coloured muslin dress—white apron—black 
mittens—cap and bonnet. 


The Conductors of (his Work print no Plays but those which thev 
have seen acted. I he Stage Directions are given from personal ob¬ 
servations, during the most recent performances. 

R. means Right; 1,. Left; C. Centre; R. C. Right of rent 

„ ; L T °(fu nt Z e ’ J) - F - I)0nr Fl < or Scene running across 

i> C of . the . C. I). F. Centre Door in the Flat; R D p 

Right Door tn the Flat; L. 1). F. Left Door in the Flat . J<. )> /',,,/) 

trance. ^ ^ D °° ri S,E ' Second Entrance; U. K. Upper Kn. 

V The Reader is supposed to be on the Stage, facing the Audience. 




SCENE I.— Hampstead Heath. 

Enter Colonel Frankley, walkiny slowly , and readiny, 
followed by Philip, l. s. e. 

Phi. My dear master, with all due reverence to your li¬ 
terary mania, 1 beg leave to suggest, that a little rest 
would be infinitely agreeable to me, and is absolutely ne¬ 
cessary for you. 

Fra. Silence ! 

Phi. For two hours have we been parading backwards 
and forwards here on Hampstead Heath. There must be 
something wonderfully taking in that novel. 

Fra. Novel! — Do you think I would read such trash ? 
Here—can you read ? 

Phi. Can 1 read ? — What a question ! — I, that was 
head-monitor in the Lancastrian school! 

Fra. Psha !—Read, then. 

Phi. [Lookiny at the book , and readiny .] “ Locke on 
the Understanding.* 1 Phew ! [ Stifles a lauyh. 

Fra. Yes, on the understanding, sir. 

Phi. Well, I should never have guessed such a work 
could so long have engaged your attention, sir ; for it must 
have been all Greek to you. 

Fra. This book, sir, teaches everything. 

Phi. I am happy to hear that, sir. Does it teach peo¬ 
ple how to pay their debts ? 

Fra. No; but it teaches them to forget them. 

Phi. In that case, sir, send it to your creditors, for 
they have shocking long memories. 'Twas of little use 
our quitting London to ruralize awhile : our dunning friends 
have resolved to taste the sweets of country air, too ; for, 
as I passed the Eagle Tavern, at Camden New Town, in 



l ACT I. 

my way hither, I saw two of your friends regaling them¬ 
selves with a rump-steak and sherry. 

Fra. The devil ! 

Phi. No, sir, only some of his familiars. Nay, never 
vex yourself, sir; put the best face you can upon the mat¬ 
ter ; meet your creditors boldly, and, as you can’t pay 
them at present, offer to renew your bills. [Producing 
stamps.] 1 always carry stamps about me. You had bet¬ 
ter put one or two of them in your pocket, sir ; they may 
be serviceable in getting rid of a troublesome customer. 

Fra. [Putting the stamps in his pocket .] Go to the 
devil, you and my creditors, too ! and leave me to the 
calm delights of solitude. 

Phi. Beg pardon, sir ; but why should you affect mis¬ 
anthropy ? On the eve of being united to a lovely wo¬ 
man, with a handsome fortune, that would have been truly 
serviceable, and with whom you appeared to be desperately 
enamoured, on a sudden you take French leave of the lady, 
and her aunt’s villa, and fly to this little village of Hamp¬ 
stead, where for four days we have been vegetating ; 
and for what ? Because you have chosen to turn philoso¬ 
pher 1 

Fra. Aye, that was the reason I gave you on our de¬ 
parture ; — but as to philosophy, 1 affect it only when 1 
can’t avoid it; and I never was more in want of it than 
at present. 

Phi. How so, sir ? 

Fra. You shall hear. For three years 1 was a constant 
visitor at Lady Rigid’s : it was impossible 1 could behold 
her lovely niece without throwing myself and my fortune at 
her feet. 

Phi. \ r our fortune, sir ?— Hem ! 

Fra. Silence, blockhead 1 All was finally concluded— 
the marriage settlements were drawn, when my Lady 
Rigid, a romantic, testy dowager, but one of the best- 
hearted creatures in the universe - 

Phi. Gave you a rival in fat Major O’Doherty. 

Fra. Quite wrong, Philip. She had promised me her 
niece’s hand, and her word is inviolable. She is not like 
the generality of women ; she has a thousand good quali¬ 
ties, and but one fault — the result of her education, I 
imagine. She insists that a man should be faithful to his 
wife ; and this she carries to such an excess, that it be¬ 
comes perfectly ridiculous : the smallest act of infidelity is 
with her a crime not to be forgiven. 


Phi. Well, sir, knowing all this, of course you were on 
your guard. 

Fra. Assuredly ; i was fidelity itself; — when, as ill- 
luck would have it, on the very eve of our marriage, re¬ 
turning fatigued from a long ride, I stopped at a farm¬ 
house on the hill side to refresh myself, where l saw one 

of the prettiest little girls-But you know who 1 mean— 

little Louisa. 

Phi. Oh, bless her ! she’s a duck ! 

Fra. W ell, we fell into a gossip, while she was present¬ 
ing me some milk, which was most delicious. 1 had no 
money with me; so, just by way of thanking her for her 
hospitality, 1 was imprinting a few kisses on her ruby 
lips, when the door opened, and who should enter but 
Lady Rigid herself, my intended and immaculate aunt ! 

Phi. That was a pozer ! 

Fra. Justification was out of the question ; not a word 
would she hear; and, in her passion, she informed me, 
that her interest should be given to Major O’Doherty. 

Phi. That was a settler, sir! 

Fra. On my return to the villa, a letter from Emily an¬ 
nounced her cheerful acceptance of the major’s proposals, 
and firm resolution of never seeing me again. 

Phi. That was a clincher ! 

Fra. Prayers and protestations were vain—the match 
was broken off; so, in my despair, I fled, and fixed mvstlf 
for a time in this village, renouncing the. world, its plea¬ 
sures, and, above all, pretty girls 1 

Phi. For a time ? 

Fra. Do you doubt my resolution, Philip? If you 
knew how miserable l have been since I lost the sole ob¬ 
ject of my affections, and that by my own folly— [Violins 
are heard urithmtt.~\ Eh ! what’s that ? 

Phi. I forgot to tell you there was a wedding this morn¬ 
ing ;—stay a moment, and you’ll see the bridal party re¬ 

Fra. I stay ! what, to witness their happiness, when I 
have sacrificed my own ? No, no ! I renounce pleasure— 
I abjure love—I detest women ! But is the bride pretty ? 

Phi. Judge for yourself, sir: it’s little Janet, the 
daughter of our landlord; the bridegroom is Thomas 
Testy, a farmer, and tenant of Lady Rigid’s, who is owner 
of this estate. 

Fra. What! that little black-eyed beauty thrown away 
upon such an ill-looking, jealous monster ? Was he mad 



[act I. 

to fix upon such a woman ?—For, excepting Emily, she is 
one of the prettiest girls I ever saw. 

Phi. [Looking off, L., and laughing.] Ha ! ha ! ha !— 
The girls have ran off with her from Testy ! — Here they 
come 1 [ Laughing heard without. 

Fra. Philip, you may leave me; and—here ! take this 
book with you ; I’ll finish it on my return. 

Phi. Um !—Good bye, Locke on the Understanding ! 
Fra. Away, rascal! 

Phi. [ Going.] I’m going, sir. [Returning.] Colonel ! 
colonel 1 pray remember she’s a married woman, and not 

[Frankley threatens him, and Philip runs off, u. 
Festive Music. — Enter Janet and Village Lasses , l. 

[During which they playfully prevent her return.'] 


Run, Janet, run ! 

He'll after you come. 


Nay, nay ! I’m his wife, friends, and I must obey. 

My freedom I’ve sold ; 

This small ring of gold 

Hath bound me to him—my heart he must sway 1 


Nonsense, Janet! 

This is all folly 
Do not forget, 

Or be melancholy. 

Cheer up ! cheer up 1 


I must haste away, &c. 

[Exeunt Lasses, r. —Janet is going l., when Colonel 
Frankley detains her. 

Fra. One moment, my pretty Janet. 

Janet. Your pardon, sir ; my husband is waiting for 
me, and to-day, you know, my time should all be his. 

Fra. Happy fellow 1 what would I not give to be in his 
place! [Taking her hand.] This is what I should have 
been doing—giving my hand to my dear Emily! 


Janet. [. Endeavouring to withdraw her hand.] But, 
sir, I am not your wife. 

Fra. 1 know that, my dear ; but don’t be afraid — 1 
only want to speak to you. How could you think of get¬ 
ting married, Janet, without telling me — yeur father’s 
guest, one of the family, as 1 may say ? 1 delight in 

making wedding presents to young, pretty, und good girls, 
like you ;—however, I am determined to find the wedding 

Janet. No, you won’t; for it's ordered and paid for al- 

| ready. 

Fra. Ordered, and paid for ! 

Janet. Oh, dear, yes — three months ago ! A rich mili¬ 
tary old gentleman, the owner of yonder park and mansion 
there, one Major O’Doherty, promised to pay all expenses. 
„ Fra. [.4*ide.] The devil fetch him ! he’s ever my stum¬ 
bling-block ! [Aloud.] I should have liked so much to 
have done something for you, and especially for Thomas 
Testy ; he is such a worthy lad ! Eh ! I have it! Mind, 
Janet, I shall be father to your first child. 

Janet. Sir 1 

Fra. God-father, 1 mean. 

Janet. Oh, sir ! you do me too much honour ; but- 

Fra. Surely, the major has not been beforehand with me 
there ? The place is not bespoke ? 

Janet. No, sir. 

DUET.— Colonel Frankley and Janet. 

Fra. Give me a pledge. 

Janet. What pledge ? 

Fra. A kissl 

Janet. Oh, fie ! what would my husband say ? 

Such conduct he would disapprove. 

Consider, ’tis our wedding-day. 

Fra. For his sake, I my suit prefer; 

I wish to serve him, on my life. 

Janet. You wish to serve my husband ? Oh ! 

In that case, I must play good wife. 

[Offers her cheek—Frankley salutes her. 

Fra. Delightful girl! his fortune’s made, 

Nor shall my favours linger here ; 

Since I’m to be the god-papa, - 

I must endow the bantling, dear. 

For all that I intend to give, 

I only ask a kiss. 




("act I. 

Janet. Another ? 

And you’ll enrich my little boy ? 

In that case, 1 must play good mother ! 

[Frankley kisses her again. 

Enter Testy, hastily, L. 

Testy. [Aside.] Mighty fine ! This is what they call 
connubial enjoyment, 1 suppose! I’m just in time! 

Janet. [Screaming.] Ah ! [Exit, running, R. 

Fra. [Aside.] In for it again ! 

Testy. Saw anybody ever the like ? ’Twas but an hour 
ago she faltered out “ Yes !” like a hypocrite as she is, to 
me, and now I find her repeating the same to my gentle¬ 
man here! 

Fra. But, Testy, this is only a custom we have in 

Testy. Infamous! to think of introducing London 
customs in our peaceful village ! 

Fra. Nay, nay ; why all this fuss about a little kiss ? 

Testy. A little kiss ! Why, it was a quarter of an hour 
long. Egad ! if 1 had not come in the nick, 1 don’t know 
how long it would have lasted. 

hVa. Come, come, be patient ! 

Testy. Patient! The whole village shall hear of my 
wrongs and her perfidy—the jilt! 

Fra. [ylAu/e.] That will never do forme! [Aloud .]—. 
Think better of it, my friend, and don’t put yourself in a 
heat for such a trifle. You don’t seem to understand our 

Testy. Y ou call that a custom, do you ? 

Fra. To be sure ; all the friends salute a bride on her 

Testy. Then, 1 suppose, if you were married, you would 
suffer me to kiss your wife before your face ? 

Fra. Certainly. 

Testy. Come, that’s a good ’un: but you don’t catch 
me believing you. 

Fra. Then you’re wrong. Nay, more; promise me not 
to quarrel with Janet, and when 1 marry, you shall return 
the kiss to my wife, which 1 took from yours. 

Testy. Pooh ! nonsense ! 

Fra. 1 pledge you my word. 

Testy. I’ll tell you what, mister, I’m not to be caught. 
You only say this by way of hush-money ; and if you were 
to marry, and I were fool enough to call and ask the fulfil- 


ment of your promise, you would deny such a one ever 
having been made, and order the door to be shut in my 

Fra. Well, if you won’t take my word, will you my bond? 

Testy. Your bond! \Laughint /.] 11a, ha, ha ! that would 
be droll, indeed 1 

Fra. Droll, or not, you shall have it. [Taking out a 
jiocket-book.] I have a stamp ready for the purpose.— 
[Writing. J There! will that satisfy you ? 

Testy. [Taking it, anil reading.] “ Payable at sight , a kiss 
to the bearer for value received .— Charles Franklby. 
Well, 1 must say, this is fair enough ; so there’s my hand, 
and 1 forgive you. There can’t be a cheat in this, lor it s 
on a stamp. I’ll be otf, and make it up with my wife, too. 
[Singing.] Tol de rol, de roll [, L. 

Fra. [Laughing. J Ha, ha, ha! poor devil! he's easily 
satisfied ! Egad ! if 1 had given such bills for every kiss 
I have had from maids, wives, and widows, my poor wife 
in embryo would have enough to do to honour them. 1 
wish 1 had never put my name to any other kind ! 

Re-enter Philip, hurriedly , R. 

Well, sir, what makes you in such haste ? 

Phi. Oh, sir 1 such news ! Lady Rigid and her fair niece 
have just arrived in the village. 

Fra. Emily here ! What could have brought her ? 

Phi. A most elegant landau, and a superb pair of grays. 

Fra. Dolt! what could be her motive for coming 
hither ? 

Phi. That’s just what I said to myself. But the most 
astonishing thing of ali is, that on perceiving me, the ladies 
almost shrieked for joy. “ Philip,” said the old lady, “ is 
your master, Colonel Frankley, here ?” “ He is, my lady,” 

I replied, bowing very low—for I know her love of de¬ 
corum. “ What unexpected happiness !” said she. ‘‘Run 
and announce our arrival! No—stay ! don’t mention that 
you have seen us; I wish to afford him an agreeable sur¬ 

Fra. But, Emily ! did she say nothing ? 

Phi. Not a word ; but she looked—just so ! 

Fra. This is strange ! Emily, who vowed never again 
to behold me ! her aunt, who broke off the match! You 
must have been dreaming, fellow ! 

Phi. [Looking off.] It may be; but here come the living 

angels themselves. 

B 2 



[act I. 

Enter Lady Rigid and Emily, r., who advances 

Lady R. Come, come, Emily ; how you loiter ! 

Era. May I believe my eyes? [To Lady Rigid."] Is it 
you, my lady ? Have you really had the kindness to cheer, 
by your presence, the heart of a wretched exile ? 

Emily. Assuredly, sir ! I had such no intention. 

Lady R. Silence, child, and let me speak ! Colonel, we 
had no thought of meeting you here; we merely came to 
renew some leases ; but, as 1 am always anxious to repair 
an involuntary error, 1 am happy in having it in my power 
to make my excuses to you. 

Fra. To me ? 

Lady R. Yes, colonel; the truly sublime action you 
performed affected me with tenderness and admiration. 

Fra. [Aside.'] What can she mean ? 

Lady R. I shall never forgive myself for having blamed 
you, at the very moment you were evincing such chastity 
and nobleness of soul. 

Fra. [Aside.] I’m in a fog ! there is some mistake here. 
[Aloud.] Really, my lady, these praises- 

Emily. Embarrass you sadly ! Spare him, my dear aunt! 
see how he blushes ! let’s speak no more of his noble ac¬ 

Fra. Noble! noble! What can I have done? I really 
should be glad to know. Philip, do you remember ? 

Phi. No, indeed, sir, except giving half-a-crown to the 
poor girl for the basket of eggs you broke whilst kissing 

Fra. [A]>art to Philip.] Silence, scoundrel! 

Lady R. Colonel, colonel! it’s of no use trying to conceal 
it—we know all. Little Louisa, the cottager’s daughter, 
who was accustomed to bring eggs and chickens to the house, 
had seen you so often, that she had fallen desperatelv in 
love with you. 

Fra. Poor child ! [Aside.] If I had but known that— 

Lady R. Rut you, devoted to my niece, and faithful to 
your vow, like the great Scipio, would not be led astray 
from the path of rectitude, and generously portioned the 
little girl. 

FYa. Really, my lady, I- 

Phi. [Apart to Frankley.] Hush, my dear sir ! let the 
old prude think so, if she pleases. 

LadyR. You see I’m well informed. She was express- 




ing her gratitude for your generosity, when 1 broke in so 
rudely, and misinterpreted your Platonic salute. 

Phi. Hem ! 

Fra. It is surprising to me how your ladyship could be¬ 
come so well acquainted with the circumstance ; for I’m 
certain 1 never mentioned it. 

Emily. [Azide.] For a very good reason ! 

Lady R. Why, the little girl told me so herself. 

Fra. The little girl herself ! 

Lady R. Yes, poor thing ! she told me and my niece 
the whole affair. 

Fra. My dear Emily, can this be true? 

Emily. True ! Certainly, that Louisa told us this. 

Lady R. Thanks to your generosity, she is now the wife 
of your protege, my game-keeper, and you are reinstated 
in my good opinion. 

Fra. Is it possible? [Embracing each alternately .] My 
dear Emily ! my dear aunt! 

Lady R. Colonel! colonel! this conduct is incompatible 
with my ideas of decorum. 

Fra. Pray pardon me; excess of joy bewilders me!— 
All, then, is forgotten and forgiven, and you consent to 
crown my happiness ? 

Lady R. Certainly ! After such an action, I would marry 
you myself, blindfold. 

Fra. [Aside, shuddering .] Heaven forbid ! 

Lady R. Unfortunately, the affair does not rest with 
me ; our fate is in my niece’s hands. I shall leave you 
to plead your own cause, and, if she can resist your winning 
ways, it’s more than I could. 

Phi. [Apart to Frankley .] A broad hint, sir, that 1 

Fra. [Apart to Philip.] But it won’t take ! 

Lady R. My tenants are anxiously awaiting my presence 
at the hall, to settle about their leases. Adieu, for the 
present, my dear colonel! 

Fra. Adieu, my dear aunt! Philip, attend her ladyship. 

[Exit Lady Rigid , followed by Philip, l. 

Emily. [ Mimicking .] My dear colonel ! [Laughing.] 
Ha, ha, ha ! Really, your winning ways have quite subdued 
my aunt. A very leetle persuasion, I think, would convert 
you into my most honoured wide ! [Curtsies. 

Fra. Nay, nay, dear Emily, cease to banter. We are 
alone; with you I will have no concealment. I cannot 
consent to gain your hand by a falsehood. 

Emily. A falsehood ! What can you mean ? 

b 3 



[act I. 

Fra. That I am indebted to some fortunate and un¬ 
looked-for chance in the affair of little Louisa ; for, in all 
that was related to you, there was not one word of truth. 

Emily. [Aside.] lie is a dear, candid creature, after aLl! 
[Aloud, affecting surprise.] llow, sir ? 

Fra. Forgive my frankness; 1 never wish to appear in 
your eyes better than 1 am ; and 1 own that with me beauty 
is irresistible : you cannot doubt it, since 1 adore you.— 
Hut how did 1 discover that you were the most amiable of 
your sex ? By comparison- 

Emily. Insinuating thereby, that 1 ought even to ap¬ 
prove of your infidelities. 

Fra. 1 assure you, Emily, that Louisa’s little affair was 
purely accidental—a mere pleasantry ! 

Emily. Well, then, we’ll say no more on the subject; 
but if such an affair should occur again- 

Fra. 1 consent to forfeit all my claims, and renounce all 
pretensions to your hand. Now to impart my happiness 
to your aunt! 

[Exit, l. — Noise and laughter heard without—Emily 
retires up, c. 

Enter Testy, r. 

Testy. Aye, aye, laugh away ! 1 deserve to be laughed 
at, for making myself the jest of the village, with my ridi¬ 
culous bill, “ Payable at .Sight,” indeed! and perhaps los¬ 
ing the renewal of my lease—one misfortune treading on 
the heels of another ! 1 shall go out of my wits ! 

Emily. [Coming forward.] Why, Testy, what ha8 hap¬ 
pened to distress you thus ? 

Testy. Matter enough of all conscience! [Looking up, 
and taking off his hat.] Eh ! my young lady here ? Dear ! 
dear! I beg pardon, miss! 

Emily. Nay, no ceremony ; tell me what distresses you. 

Testy. First, madam, some neighbouring farmers are 
trying to get the lease of my farm, and as they are favoured 
by the steward, I fear I shall lose it, and then I’m a 
ruined man. 

Emily. I have always known you as an honest, well, 
meaning lad, Testy, ami will speak for you to my aunt. 

Testy. Will you, indeed, miss ? Well, come, come, this 
will be one comfort to me in the midst of my misfortunes 
and vexations. 

Emily. What more vexations have you ? 

Testy. The worst, miss, that could happen to a newly- 


married man. I’ve been made a dupe of, and, to mend 
the matter, I’ve made my folly known to all the world. 

Emily. L don’t understand you. 

Testy. Oh, 1 may as well tell you the whole story at 
once, for you’ll be sure to hear it; it’s no secret, 1 assure 
you, miss. You must know, my lady, 1 was married this 
morning to little Janet, the innkeeper’s daughter, here. 

Emily. Indeed! I wish you joy ! You have gained the 
handsomest girl of the village. 

Testy. Oh ! aye, she’s pretty enough for that matter ; 
but, saving your presence, miss, she’s the veriest jilt that 
ever drew the breath of life. 

Emily. Oh, tie! 

Testy. Why, would you believe it, miss? I hadn’t lost 
sight of her hve minutes, alter coming trom church, when 
1 found her here being kissed by a tine London spark. My 
blood was up ! 1 was for calling the w hole village to witness 
her disgraceful conduct, when my gentleman assured me, 
’twas ouly a custom to salute the bride; and, to mollify 
me, promised that when he married, 1 should take the same 
liberty with his wife. 

Emily. [LaityAmy.] That was but fair. And you trusted 
to his word ? 

Testy. No, indeed, miss; I warn’t such a fool as that, 
neither. I’ve got his bond for a kiss, “ Payable at Sight. 

Emily. [Lanyhiny heartily.] lla, ha, ha! 

Testy. There, now, you’re laughing at me, too ! Every¬ 
body laughs when I talk ot my bond. 1 went to the 
lawyer’s—he called me a fool; his clerk called “ Cuckoo !” 
when I told him it was on a stamp. “Aye, aye, my tine 
fellow,” says he, “youare stamped safe enough:” I clapped 
my hat on my head, and, pulling it over my brows, was leav¬ 
ing the office, when he called out, “ Does it fit you still ? 
don’t it hurt you?” When I came out of the office, all the 
raggamutfins of the village took up the cry, and followed me 
here. 1 shouldn’t wonder if they were to print my promis¬ 
sory note, and sing it about the country like a dying-speech ! 

Emily. Well, really I pity you; it is a most unlucky affair ! 

'Testy. Unlucky, indeed! 1 see plainly the bill will 
never be honoured; the giver is too bad ever to get a 
wife 1 wish I hadn’t one—an artful, cheating, bewitching 
creature! [Retires up. 

Re-enter Colonel Frankley, hastily , l. 

Fra. My dear Emily, my happiness is complete! As 



[act I. 

soon as I told your aunt I had obtained your pardon, she 
gave her consent, and to-morrow our nuptuals are to take 

Testy. [ Coming between them.] What do 1 hear ? To¬ 
morrow you are going to marry my young lady ? Then 1 
shall have a chance! 

Emily. What mean you ? 

Testy. That Heaven has taken pity upon my innocence ; 
that 1 shall no longer he the make-game of the village ; 
that my debtor is an honest man, and that I’m only sorry 
he didn’t take twenty kisses instead of one ! 

Emily. What are you saying, Testy ? 

Testy. The truth, ma’am, and nothing but the truth. — 
There stands my debtor, like a good, honourable gentle¬ 
man as he is. 

Emily. How ? Frankley ! Is this true ? 

Fra. [ Aside .] I’m ruined now ! [Aloud, affecting as¬ 
tonishment.] W hat is the meaning of all this ? 

Emily. That 1 have not forgotten the terms of our en¬ 
gagement., and withdraw my promise. In short, that 1 
never will be yours. 

Testy. Dear, good lady, don’t say so ! my credit is at 
stake. [Feeling in his pockets.] Eh ! where have 1 put 
the bill ? 

Fra. [Aside.] Pray heaven it’s lost! [Aloud.] Nay, 
Emily, you see this half-witted bumpkin knows not what 
he says ; he is either drunk or mad, and I defy him to show 
you the paper he is vapouring about. [Apart to Testy.] — 
Produce it, and I’ll break every bone in your ugly body ! 

Emily. [Observing them.] lie is intimidated hv your 
presence, but I will not be trifled with; and declare to you, 
Testy, that you shall only have the lease of your farm on 
condition of your bringing me that bill. 

Testy. [Still rummaging .] Oh, you shall have it, my 
lady, you shall have it ! Not here — not here ! and 1 had 
it a bit ago ! I must have left it at home ! Don’t be in a 
hurry, my lady ; I’ll run and seek for it. [Going. ] Eh 1 
there’s Janet! [Calling off.] Janet! Mrs. Testy ! Wife! 
come here—come quickly ! 

Re-enter Janet, r. 

Janet. Bless me ! what’s the matter now ? 

Testy. Have you seen a paper that I’ve lost ? 

Janet. Yes, I have found it, sir. 




Testy. Found'. — Oh, my dear Janet! give it me—our 
fortune depends on it! 

Janet. Give it you, indeed — No, indeed, sir ! lou 
ought to be ashamed of yourself to keep such papers ! If 

my father knew of your goings on-- 

Testy. Hist', hist, Mrs. Testy ! if you hadn’t contracted 
a debt this morning, I shouldn’t have been obligated to 

have taken such a bill for payment. 

Emily. Let me see this paper, Janet; I trust you may 

confide it to my care. 

Janet. That would I willingly, my lady, but I haven t 

got it. .... 

Testy. [Aside.] She arn’t got it '.—I’m ruined ! 

Fra. [Aside.] I'm saved 1 

Emily. ’Twas nothing but a little slip of paper, my 

lady, with a stamp at one end. 

Testy. How did you know it was stamped ? 

Janet. Why, l met Major O’Doherty, and asked him 
to read it for me; — so he looked at it and laughed, and 
said, “ My dear, if you will give me this bill, 1 11 dis¬ 
count it for you.” —“Willingly,” said I; and then he 

Oh, you jilt! Where’s 

gave me a kiss. 

Testy. That’s the second to-day. 

the paper ? . ... ., 

Janet. Why, I left it with him, as he said it was paid, 

and of no farther use. 

Fra. In the major’s hands! 

Emily. [To Frankley.] Now, sir, see to what your 
folly has led 1 — But l have done with you—to abuse my 
affection thus I [Going.} Don’t attempt to follow me sir; 
I never wish to see your face again l l&jrit. l. 

Fra. So, my usual luck !— But I will instantly seek the 
major, and force him to return his prize, or—pistols— 
postchaise—“ Payable at Sight!”—Pooh ! [Exit, r. 

Testy. To think, now, when our fortune depended on 
that bit of paper, you should have given it away ! 

Janet. Don’t tell me, sir; you had no business with 
such a paper 1 To wrong my affection— [Sobbing.] Oh. 

Testy. There, now ! as if I was to blame 1 Dear I 
dear ! what a miserable new-married man I am! 

Janet. And what a miserable new-married woman I am 1 
After all your fine speeches, to change so, and on our 
wedding-day, too ! 


[act I. 

SONG. —Janet. 

How dearly Testy loved his bride 
A few short hours ago ! 

He call’d her then his joy, his pride,— 

He loved none other so ! 

The sky-larks carol blithe and sweet, 

The lambkins sport and play ; 

More gaily Jauet's heart would beat 
At Testy’s “ Kiss me, pray 1” 

’Twas—“ Pray, now, kiss me! won’t you kiss me : 

Kiss me, Janet, pray !” 

1 little thought your tune would change 
On this our bridal day! 

But sour jealousy hath turn’d 
Poor Testy’s silly brain ; 

The smiles he priz’d of late are spurn’d, 

E’en Janet’s tears are vain ! 

The lark still carols blithe and sweet, 

The lambkins sport and play ; 

But Janet’s heart no more shall beat 
To Testy’s “ Kiss me, pray 1” 

No more ’tis “ Kiss me ! won’t you kiss me ? 

Kiss me, Janet, pray !” 

I little thought your tune would change 
On this our bridal day ! 

[Exeunt, l., Testy endeavouring to pacify her. 

SCENE II .—An Apartment in Lady Rigid's Mansion. 
Enter Emily, l. 

Emily. So, this unlucky note is really in circulation !— 

I cannot expect the major will spare me, piqued as lie is 
by my rejection of his hand for an ungrateful libertine. 
But I have done with him—I will never forgive him—I 
shall hate and despise him ! 

Enter Lady Rigid, d. f. 

Lady R. Well, my dear niece, all is arranged! I am 
so glad, because there is such pleasure in making those 
happy who deserve to be so. 

Emily. [Coolly.] Yes, when they deserve it. 

Lady R. And who has a greater right than the colonel ? 
Dear, affectionate man ! his emotion was so great just 


now, when asking my consent to your union, that even I, 
“ albeit unused to the melting mood,” was nearly over¬ 
come by my sensibility. He reminded me of days long 
past. Ah ! there are some things one never forgets. 

Emily. My dear aunt, I never saw you thus affected 
before, and am sorry your feelings should have been thus 
excited in the present instance; for, most assuredly, I 
shall never marry the colonel. 

l.ady R. Not marry the colonel! 

Emily. No: my resolution is taken, and cannot be 

Lady R. What can be your motives ? 

Emily. Oh 1 1 could give you a hundred, but it is use¬ 
less to trouble you with one. 

Lady R. I insist upon knowing them. What can you 
reproach him with ? 

Emily. [Aside.] Shall I tell her the truth? — No; I 
must invent some excuse. 

Lady R. Well, niece ? 

Emily. [Confidentially.] Well, then, I have learned— 
that is, I believe him to be deeply involved; and you must 
acknowledge the character of—of— 

Lady R. Of a debtor is not the most respectable.— 
Granted ; but young men of fashion are so easily seduced 
into expenses. [Footsteps are heard without. 

Emily. Hush ! hush ! he is here ! Do not let him ima¬ 
gine he was the subject of our conversation. [Aside.] He 
must not learn my invention of his debts. 

Enter Colonel Frankley, hastily, r. 

Fra. [Aside, entering.] So! this will teach the major 
not to jest at my expense in future ! — The ladies still 
here ! 

Lady R. Come hither, colonel, and once more essay to 
make your peace with Emily. 1 have pleaded for you in 
vain ; she will not listen to one word I adduce in your fa¬ 
vour. Really, such conduct is indefensible. 

Fra. [Rowing to Lady Rigid.] Shocking, with such a 
model before her eyes ! 

Emily. [Aside.] I do verily believe he is laughing 

at me ! 

Lady R. My dear colonel, I must candidly tell you, 
that Emily’s motive for breaking off the match arose from 
your being deeply involved in debt, and- 


Emily. [Motioning her to be silent.] My dear aunt !— 
Madam !— 

Fra. [Aside.] Who the devil could have told her that ? 
[Aloud.] Nay, madam, since you have been thus informed, 
permit me to explain. Brought up by my uncle, who is 
immensely rich, and who always promised I should be his 
heir—introduced when very young to the world, my rank 
in the army, and the expectations of boundless wealth, 
caused my company to be sought, and led me into ex¬ 
cesses, which occasion my present embarrassment. Deli¬ 
cacy forbade me to acquaint my uncle with my losses; 
but the sale of my stud, and the most rigid economy for 
some time past, has enabled me to settle all but a few tri¬ 
fling debts. 

Emily, [Aside.] Why, this is another discovery ! I 
could not have believed it. [To Frank ley,] Sir, my aunt 
has told you the truth : 1 refuse you, because 1 detest 
creditors, [ Pointedly .] and will never marry any one who 
has bills or promissory notes of any kind in circulation. 

Lady li. That difficulty shall soon be removed. Since 
your injustice forces me to it, I engage to discharge the 
colonel’s debts. After that, 1 hope you will not think of 
breaking an engagement, in which the honour of my fa¬ 
mily is concerned. Come, my dear nephew, give me a list 
of your creditors. 

Fra. My kind—my excellent aunt! for the present I 
will avail myself of your generosity. A deputation from 
them await me at the Eagle Tavern, in Camden Town. 

Lady R. I will send and desire their attendance at the 
hall. [Crossing to r.] Come, colonel! 

Fra. [Apart to Lady Rigid.] One word to appease 
Emily, and I am at your service. [Kisses her hand re¬ 
spectfully , and bores her off. r.] Emily ! 

Emily. Sir ! leave me ! 1 detest you — I hate you ! 1 
never did like you ! 

Fra. Till now I flattered myself you did, madam. 

Enter Philip, hastily, l. 

Phi. [Mysteriously.] Oh, sir ! bad news ! 

Fra. No matter ; out with it—no mystery now ;—your 
tidings cannot affect my happiness. 

Phi. Well, sir, I’ve just met Mrs. Clover, formerly lit¬ 
tle Louisa ; she came hither to celebrate her cousin Testy’s 
wedding ; — we fell into a gossip, and I learned from her, 


that the story her ladyship got hold of about the portion 
was quite true; for Miss- 

Emily. Philip, I forbid you to speak ! 

Fra. And 1 command you to tell the truth l 

Phi. Well, then, Miss Emily portioned Louisa on con¬ 
dition she should tell Lady Rigid the story you heard. 

Fra. I see it all ! [To Emily.} Your love for me 
prompted you to deceive your aunt. 

Emily. But this last adventure has decided me; and 
since Major O’Doherty- 

Phi. Oh ! don’t be alarmed about the major, miss : the 
doctor says he is in no danger—that it is but a slight wound. 

Emily. Danger ! wound ! 

Fra. [To Philip , angrily.} Babbler ! 

Emily. 1 understand : you challenged him — perilled 
your lives for a joke—a trifle ! 

Fra. But all is now amicably arranged between us.— 
Philip, has the major sent the bill ? 

Phi. No, sir : he had given it in charge to his groom 
to deliver to her ladyship; but, overcome by your genero¬ 
sity in the duel, he despatched me after him. 

Fra. Well, and you overtook him ? 

Phi. The major told me I might be certain of finding 
him at the Eagle. 

Emily. This Eagle seems very attractive. 

Phi. Oh, yes, miss I it’s the famous half-way house 
between the city and Hampstead Heath;—the major al¬ 
ways takes his glass there when he comes this way, and 
so does his groom ; for there I found him safe enough ! 

Emily. That was fortunate. Give me this unlucky pa¬ 
per, that I may destroy it. 

Phi. Unfortunately, my lady, the fellow had lost it— 
how, when, or where, I could not learn, for he was a good 
deal the worse for wear—he was what you may call half¬ 
seas over! 

Emily. Well, so that my aunt does not hear of it—Ha ! 
she is here ! 

Enter Lady Rigid and Villagers, r., followed by 
Testy and Janet. 

Lady R. [To Frank ley.} My dear nephew, I have sa¬ 
tisfied your friends ; and now I trust there will be no im¬ 
pediment to your marriage. 

Testy. [Aside.} His marriage!—That’s good! I’ve 
just nicked the time ! 



Janet. [Apart to him.] Testy, take my advice, and do 
not give that paper to Miss- 

Testy. [Apart.] Hold your tongue, you fool 1 — It’s 
inv only chance of getting the lease of the farm ;—and. be¬ 
sides, i shall be glad to have my revenge in sight of the 
v holt- village, who have done nothing but jeer and flout 
me all day. [To Laity Rigid.] Madam—my lady ! I beg 
leave to ask you if the colonel is going to marry iny young 
lady ? 

Lady R. Certainly he is. 

Testy. Then 1 have a bill of his in my pocket ; it cost 
me two gallons of ale to regain it; but 1 didn't mind that, 
when my lease depended on it. 

Fra. [Aside.] That internal paper again ! 

Testy. My young lady asked me for it this morning, so 
I’ve brought it for her. 

Emily. [Crossing to Testy.] Give it me—quick ! 

Lady R. [Stopping her.] Your pardon, niece — you 
have nothing to do with it; 1 am responsible for the co¬ 
lonel’s debts. Give it to me, Testy. 

Testy. No, no, my lady; it don’t concern you. 

Lady R. You are mistaken. [ Showing bills.] See! 
here are nearly a dozen similar ones I have just dis¬ 
charged ! 

Testy. [In amazement.] No, sure ! [Aside.] What a 
killer ! 

Emily. Yes, Testy, my aunt will honour all the colo¬ 
nel’s bills. 

Testy. [Aside, groaning.] Oh ! 

Janet. [7’o Testy.] Well, why don’t you give it her 
ladyship ? 

Testy. If I must— [Giving the note to Lady Rigid.] 
There, my lady ! 

Lady R. [Reading.] “ Payable at sight — a kiss to the 
bearer .” What is the meaning of this ? 

Fra. Only a bachelor’s debt, aunt. 

Lady R. You, whom I have named as a model of chas¬ 
tity !— 

Fra. [Apart to Emily , having glanced over the note.] 
How fortunate! it is undated! [To Lady Rigid.] Nay, 
the debt was contracted when I was a minor, and its vali¬ 
dity may be disputed. But I have too much delicacy to 
wrong this poor man ; so, a6 your ladyship has promised 
to discharge all my debts-■ 

Emily. [Laughing.] Yes, my dear aunt, as you have 



SCENE 11. | PAYABLE A L' S1U 11T. 

Ladu R. I shall acquit myself of the obligation. So, 
Testy, since it must be so, I shall do you the honour o 
allowing you a chaste salute. 

[Testy makes grimaces, and salutes Lady Rigid re¬ 
luctantly—she retires up, as if blushing the rest 
endeavour to suppress a laugh. 

Testy. 1 trust, Miss Emily, as some compensation for 
my disappointment, [. Looking significantly at Lady 
in not receiving the full value ot my bill, that you will 
speak a good word to her ladyship about the farm. 

[Lady Rigid comes forward. 

Emily. Assuredly. My dear aunt, I am under a pro¬ 
mise to Testy to obtain a renewal of his lease ; and, alter 
the honour you have done him, I don’t see that you can 

well refuse- , . 

Lady R. Nor will I. Testy, the farm is yours. 

Testy 6c Janet. Heaven bless your ladyship l 

Emily. And, besides something for household expenses, 
I promise twenty pounds to your first child—“ Payable 
at Sight ! ” 


Villagers. Villagers. 

Philip. Emily. Frankley. Lady R. Testy. Janet. 


Ll«t of Cumberland*'■ British Theatre, continued 

|20 Hi.w to grow Rich 

227 Fortune’* Froltc 

228 The Haunted Tower 


229 Killing no Murder 

230 Mr. and Mr*. Pringle 

231 The Antiquary 

232 Agreeable Surprise 

233 The Son-in-Law 

234 Open Hou*e 

23* Fail* of Clyde 
236 1. 2. », 4, 5, by Adver¬ 
tisement l tr y 

279 Aladdin 

280 Blue Beard 

281 John Bull 

282 The Invincible* 

283 Malvina 

284 The Review 
28* Rob Roy 


286 The Mendicant 

287 Poor Gentleman 

288 The Quaker 

289 Jack Brag 

290 My Daughter. Sir! 

237 Peeping Tom of Coven- 291 The Young Quaker 

..r.. 8 w 11 quo UuttU nf llpthftin 


238 Ca*tle of Andalusia 

239 One o’Clock 

240 Julian 

241 Cornu* 

242 Fontalnbleau 

243 The English Fleet 

292 Battle of Hexham 

293 Exchange no Robbery 

1334 My Spouae and I 

33* Chrononhotonthologo* 


336 The Hunchback 

337 Court aud City 

338 Free aud Easy 

339 Cobbler of Preston 

340 Five Mile# Off 

341 The Devil’* Bridge 

342 Uncle Kip 

843 Love’* Sacrifice 

344 Attic Story 

345 The Mogul Tale 


346 The Postilion 

347 The African* 

r.XvMiain<e iiu ivt»ui^*y ~ ~ .. _ _ 

294 St.David’sDay [amlths 34# Ot Age lo-Morrow 
29* Love Laugh, at Lock- 349 Bombastes Furioso 

Q&ik Y ai>o \f ulrog u 1M un 


296 Heir at Law 

297 Netlcy Alibey 

g nr ~— -in / 

244 Widow, or Who Wins * 298 Raymond and Agne* 

24* The Camp 

246 Personation 


247 Maid or Wife 
348 Castle of Sorrento 
219 Fau»tua 
2/9) All at Coventry 
3*1 Tom and Jerry 
2*2 Robert the Devil 
2*3 Le*tocq 
2*4 Cataract of the Gamres 
2** The Old Repimentals 


2*6 Presumptive Evidence 
2*7 Wild Oat* 

258 Hit or Mis* 

2*9 Ambition 

260 Jew and the Doctor 

261 Knights of the Cro*s 

262 I* he Jealous? 

263 Hundred Pound Note 

264 Rugantino 
26* The Steward 


266 Zarah 

267 The Miser 

268 The Iron Chest 

269 The Romp 

270 Mountaineers 

271 The Lottery Ticket 
2/2 Nettlewlg Hall 

273 Quite at Home 

274 Make your Wills 
276 My Husband’s Ghost 


276 A Bold Stroke 

277 Sylvester Daggerwood 

278 Gil Bla# 

299 Foscari 
1300 Management 
301 Venoni 

3(12 Three and the Deuce 

303 Past Ten o’Clock 

304 The Jew 
30* The Devil to Pay 


306 Blue Devils 

307 The Dramatist 

308 Y’outh, Love, and Folly 

309 The Hunter of the Alps 

310 Adelgitha 

311 Kenilworth 

312 Sprigs of Laurel 

313 For England, ho! 

314 False Alarms 

315 The Wedding Day 

316 The Surrender of Calais 

317 Therese 

318 Foundling of the Forest 

319 Love’s Labour’s Lost 

320 How to Die for Love 

321 The Delinquent 

322 The Invisible Girl 

323 The Peasant Boy 

324 Catch Him who Can 
32* Love 


326 The Love- Chase 

327 The Young Hussar 

328 The Secret 
1329 The First Floor 

for a 330 The Broken Sword 

331 The Travellers 

332 Plot and Counterp!ot 

333 Lodoiska 

350 Love Makes a Man 

351 Guy Mannering 

3*2 Amoroso, King of Little 
3*3 Bertram 

354 The Curfew 

355 Simpson and Co. 


366 His First Champagne 
357 Anthony and Cieopatr* 
3*8 Affair of Houour 
3*9 The Provost of Bruges, 
by G. W. Lovell 

360 A Roland for an Oliver 

361 ThreeWeeksafter Mar- 

362 The Queen’s Bench by 

riage [Leman Rede 

363 Damon and Pythias, by 
Bamm and Sliiel 

364 A Clear Case, by GH- 
be l a Bucket 

Continued t Hr It' oj tnrh hfontA, 


Ura mat ic Opera*, 

64. each, as adapted for tire 
English Stage; Is. each, 
with the Ital anon facing 

1 Robert le Diable 

2 Hayd^e, or the Secret 

3 Danghterofthe Hegim«nl 

4 Marriage of Figaro 

5 La Sonnambnla 

6 The Maid and Magpie 

7 Ad* and Galatea 

8 Der Freyschiiti,as played 
at Drury Lane 

Continued the Uto/eaeh UvntK. 

List of Cumberland’s Minor Theatre. 

I The Pilot 

5 Heart of Mid-Lothian 

3 The Inchcape Bell 

4 The Mason of Buda 

5 The Scapegrace 

6 Sail J)huv, the Coiuer 

7 The Earthquuke 

8 “ My Old Woman” 

9 Mussa niello 


10 Don Giovanni 

11 Paul Jones 

12 Luke the Labourer 

13 Crazy Jane 

14 The Flying Dutcluna" 

15 “ Yes !!! ” . 

Iji The Forest Oracle 

17 Ivnnhoe 

18 The Floating Beacon 


IB Sylvanna 

20 Toni Howling 

21 Innkeeper of Abbeville 

22 The Lady of the Lake 

23 Billy Tayl or 

24 The Two Gregorios 

25 The Wandering Boys 

26 Paris and London 

27 A Day after the Fair 


28 Humphrey Clinker 

29 Mischief Making 
20 Joan of Arc 

91 The Ruffian Boy 
32 The Fortunes of Nigel 
83 The Wreck 
34 Everybody's Husband 

85 Hanks of the Hudson 

86 Guy Faux 

VOL. V. 

J7 The Devil’s Ducat 
38 Mazeppa 

30 Mutiny at the Nore 

40 Pedlar’s Acre 

41 “ No!!!” 

42 Peveril of the Peak 

43 Thalaba 

44 Waverly 

45 Winning a Husband 


4(5 Holer, the Tell of the 

47 Paul Clifford [Tyrol 

48 Damon and Pythias 

49 The 1'hree Hunchbacks 
5(1 Tower of Ncsle 

51 Sworn at Highgnte 

52 Mary Glastonbury 
5.1 The Red Rover 

44 Tlte Golden Farmer 


55 Grace Huntley 

56 •• The Sea! ” 

57 Clerk of Cierkenwell 

58 Hutofthe Red Mountain 

59 John Street, Adeiphi 

60 Lear of Private Life 

61 John Overy 

62 The Spare Bed 

63 Smuggler’s Daughter 

64 The Cedar Chest 

65 Wardock Kenniisnn 

66 The Shadow 

67 Ambrose Gwiuett 

68 Gilderoy 
'■* 1 lie Fate of Calas 
. 0 Tiie Young Reefer 

71 RevoltoftheWorkbouse 

72 Man and the Marquis 


73 Gipsey Jack 

74 I.urline 

75 The Fire Raiser 

76 The Golden Calf 

77 Sfan-Fred 

78 Charcoal Burner 

79 ” My Poll and my Partner 

80 The Sixes [Joe” 

81 Good-Looking Fellow 
1 82 Wizard of the Moor 


8 .% Roof Scrambler 

84 Diamond Arrow 

85 Robber of the Rhine 

86 Kugene Aram 

87 Kddystone Elf 

[88 My Wife’s Husband 
89 Married Bachelor 
96 Shakspeare’s Festival 

91 Van Dieman’s Land 

92 Le Pauvre Jacques 


93 Rochester 

94 The Ocean of Life 

95 An Uncle too Many 

96 The Wild Man 

97 Rover’s Brtde 

98 Beggar of Cripplegate 

99 Paul the Poacher 

100 Thomas & Becket 

101 PeRtilence of Marseilles 

102 UnfortunateMissBailey 


103 Humpbacked Lover 

104 Bound ’Prentice to a 

105 March of Intellect 

106 Joconde 

107 The Koenba [dusa, 

108 Shipwreck of the Me-i 

109 Chain of Guilt 

110 Ion 

111 Mistletoe Bough 

112 Sly Friend Thompson 

J13 Battle of Sedgemoor 

114 1 tie Larboard Fin 

115 Frederick the Great 

116 The Turned Head 

117 Wap pine Old Stairs 

118 Sian wiili the carpet bag 

119 Hercules 

120 Female SIassarorU 
12) Reform 

122 Fatal Snow Stonn 


123 Venus in Arms 

124 Earl of Poverty 

125 Siamese Twins 

126 Austerlitz 

127 Payable at Sight 

128 The Bull Fighter 

129 Rich Sian o( Frankfurt 

130 Richard Plantagenet 

131 Don (Juixole 

132 Hlack-Eyed Sukey 

133 The Great Devil 


134 Curse of Mammon 

135 Jack Sheppard 

136 Paul the Pilot 

137 The Boarding House 

138 Rule Britannia 

139 1 he Twins of Warsaw 

140 The Venetian 

141 'The Bashful Man 

142 Ravens of Orleans 

143 Ten Tb< u land a Year 

144 Under th» Pose 

145 Sully In our Alley 

146 Haunted Hulk 
14/ Susan HopJev 

148 Jack in the Water 

149 Marianne, the Child o# 


130 Our Village 

151 The Barber Baron 

152 Sixteen-String Jack 

*•* Cumberland'* Mi, mr The- 

s're.eompjet* ja , e a 

Ml clolU, 41.